Christmas Blog #3.

Tomorrow is December 1st everyone. That is the first day of advent so you can officially turn your outside lights on. Except, I put my lights up yesterday, so my lights are already on a timer and doing their thing every evening come 5:30pm. I know, I am being one of THOSE PEOPLE. You know what I'm talking about, the people that have their lights up in the middle of November? I hate those people and I always say "What's the matter with them, don't they know that you are supposed to wait until December 1st?". Anyway, after getting my pretty lights up yesterday (all by myself, because I am a SUPAHSTAR) I felt like I really wanted to come home to a Christmas lit home. When I pulled into our driveway last night I got my reward and boy did it ever look spectacular! I will get a picture up soon...I did this white-white-red-white-white-red pattern that just kicks ass. Best part - when I stood in the driveway and stared up at my handy work and yelled "CHRISTMAS" while doing this weird circular motion with my arms, as Scott stood looking at me like I was insane. Just wait honey, the Destiny's Child Christmas CD is only days away!

Today I am going to bake my orange spice sugar cookies and use my new snowflake cookie cutters and blue sprinkles. Can't. Wait. Domestic Goddess sent me her mom's famous gingerbread cookie recipe and I have promised to photograph them and email her a picture. I'll probably do those on the weekend, super cookie baker that I am. And no, I have not forgotten about the gift portion of Christmas. Scott and I are going out with his folks on Saturday for our annual trip the Downtown Bay to do our big Christmas shop. And maybe after we will have a Congratulations dinner for me. Because as I will be announcing soon - Congratulations are in order.
Christmas Blog #1 | Christmas Blog #2

Look at that face!

This is my family dog Scout. He lives in British Columbia with my folks. Look at that face! Scout is lovely. He likes to be where the action is - doesn't matter if that is curled up at your feet during happy hour, sitting patiently in the kitchen waiting for you to look the other way so he can eat your fresh baked cookies, or running around the backyard while you mow the lawn. He also loves treats and will remind you each morning at 11am that "HEY, IT'S TREAT TIME! WOOF!". He has a pesky little sister named Coco who is a brown spotted Dalmatian. Scout, being the gentleman that he is, will typically let Coco have her way, which makes all of us feel kind of bad for him when she pushes him out of prime doggy position. She can be a real bitch that one. But Scout still has it pretty good, and he seems to know this. If you look him in the eyes for more than a moment he will take his as a sign that you would like to rub his belly. He will immediately flop on the floor and roll on his back, baring his big barrel chest. If he does this in your presence you will not be able to resist him. I miss Scout - he is the sweetest dog I know (sorry Scout #2).

6th Annual 'Shake and Bake' Party.

Last night Scott and I went to Joe and Charmaine's holiday kick-off party. It was Scott's turn to be the designated driver and this morning I am still recovering. The party was at Joe and Kevin's house (and yes, that's THE Joe and Kevin - the first couple to have an officially sanctioned gay marriage in Canada). The party was a blast - there was the requisite breaking of glass, yummy home baked goodies, great booze (sour apple martinis are really lethal...) and resulting drunken festivities. Joe put on his silk pyjamas very early in the evening, and as of midnight, our marathoner friend Lee was still convinced he would be going for a run at 10am this morning. Joe's kitty "Daphne" was not very impressed with the drunken humans in her home, and I can't blame her. Scott and I left at around 12:15am - apparently 10 feet away from the car I decided to remove my shoes because my feet were tired and sore. I believe we may have stopped at the 24 hour grocery store on the way home to buy chips and food for breakfast. This morning the chip bag was empty and our couch was covered in crumbs. I asked Scott why my heels were on the coffee table and he said "You know you had a good time when you have to ask that sort of question!".
Edited to add that it looks like I am not the only one in recovery mode this morning - Jennifer and the Head Rabbit were also getting their party on last night.

Christmas Blog #2.

Christmas is less than one month a way. Did you hear me? Yes, that's what I said. Christmas is less than one month away. Dude.

While I completely appreciate the sentiments of my friend Solitaire, who does not celebrate Christmas by purchasing gifts for loved ones, this is not my reality. Granted, this year (with me currently out of work) we will be dialing it back a notch, to say the least. One of my strategies is to give cookies to my friends and family as part of their gifts. Scott's folks got us an awesome KitchenAid Mixer for our wedding gift (I think this was to encourage me to bake). It is truly wicked and they will certainly benefit from it (especially my brother-in-law). Anyway, on with it! This afternoon I got my bake on. This was my second Christmas cookie baking session - today featuring Cranberry White Chocolate Shortbread. They look really yummy (if you like that buttery/sugary/chocolately goodness type of thing). I even put a little silver damask in the centre of each one to make 'em purdy. Next on my list will be Orange Spice Sugar Cookies - I bought new fancy snowflake cookie cutters and crystal blue sprinkles for them. I am also hoping to make some gingerbread - there is an email out to the one and only Domestic Goddess regarding the best recipe for this (I'll let you know what she says!). I tried to organize a cookie exchange, but I am very selective about who I will exchange with (I'm fickle that way). So, I have a total of one, count 'em ONE person to exchange with. I'm not sure what she is making, but she was one of my bridesmaids and is an extraordinary cook so I know it will be excellent (and I will totally lie to my friends and family and take credit for her baked goods). Last on my list will be my famous Lindt Chocolate Cranberry Almond Bark with White Chocolate drizzled on top (which I have been told is better than sex - which is either a lofty complement, or does not speak well of the sex life of the person who actually admitted this?).

So, outside of actually starting to purchase Christmas gifts, the only other major task is decorating our home. I am usually a December 1st keener (Scott mocks me for this), but this year I'll likely hold off until the weekend of the 4th/5th - at least. I am hoping that we have one more reasonable day to get the outside lights up. A few of our neighbours left theirs up all year and I bet they feel real smart right now (tacky bastards). They were those awful icicle lights that look like a string of never-ending spider legs during the daytime. And to our neighbour who put them up last weekend when it was all bright and sunny out and said to us "Hey guys you should really get your lights up today - it won't be this nice again until April!" - well, screw you. Wow, I am totally in the Christmas spirit, eh?! One last shout out to Sharon who lost her mitt (I hate it when that happens!) and WebGoddess Cathy who sounds like she could use a hug. To quote Cathy "Thank god for Christmas. If it were a person, I would hug it tight".

You know what I heard about Dick Wolf?

Okay, that's kind of an inside joke in my house. The answer is "Yeah, he has a wolf named Dick!". Absolutely juvenile. We also have names for each of the spin-off shows. Law & Order Criminal Intent is known as "Mr. Ridiculous" and Law & Order SVU is known as "Hottie & Sexy". While I think the reasoning behind both nicknames should be obvious, I will explain. "Mr. Ridiculous" is for Vincent D'Onofrio's character, Detective Robert Goren. This guy is unbelievable. He speaks about 50 different languages. He has the weirdest resume I have ever heard of (well, I once worked as an excavator in the Mayan ruins...this time when I was a journalist in Russia...) and every show, without fail, does this weird/intimidating bend at the hip/stare in the perp's face during the good cop/bad cop interrogations. I have this theory that he is undead - with all of his different life experiences that he draws on to do his job he'd have to be about 500 years old.


Then there is "Hottie and Sexy". Have you ever seen two cops with those kind of good looks? Mariska Hargitay is Hottie and Christopher Meloni is Sexy. I wouldn't mind getting in trouble if either one of these cops showed up at my front door. Sadly, cops in my neck of the woods never seem to look like that. Anyway, I digress. Scott and I are fairly religious L&O watchers. We'll even watch re-runs, with an unspoken game between us to see who can figure out which show we are watching first ("Oh, it's the one where the religious zealot mother goes crazy and kills her baby in the boiler room furnace..."). On Tuesday, we were watching L&O SVU (Hottie & Sexy) and they did that bullshit ending where they don't tell you who did it - you have to go to the NBC website and vote. Did he rape her or didn't he? What the hell? I HATE THAT. HEY DICK - CUT IT OUT - I LIKE MY LAW & ORDER TO COME WITH CLOSURE. They did that on L&O CI (Mr. Ridiculous) earlier this season with that weak storyline featuring Olivia D'Abo (who hasn't been cool since "The Wonder Years"). I know Dick is trying to be edgy and different to compete with the CSI franchise, I GET IT. But I don't like it, I think it sucks.

So, Dick Wolf, this is a message from one of your most faithful viewers. You have my loyalty. I don't even mind that Jerry Orbach is gone because Dennis Farina is AWESOME. I can't wait until Elisabeth Rohm's skinny ass is off the show later this season. But cut out this choose-your-own-adventure-style ending crap. It drives me nuts and leaves me feeling unfulfilled, defeating the entire purpose of sitting on my duff with a rye and ginger for an hour of TV. Okay, I'm glad you know where I stand. And say hi to your wolf named Dick for me.

Punk Rock or Gangsta?

My portly cat Bossa has a HUGE attitude. She is mean, she is spiteful, she is bitchy, she hates everyone, she can eat your soul and she is FAT. Lately I have taken to telling her how punk rock she is. Example - after she takes a random "I hate you" swipe at me as I walk by her in the kitchen, I look at her and say, "Oh Bossa, you are so punk rock". And yes, I use that condescending parental voice when I do it. She looks at me and I swear, if she could roll her eyes, she would. Scott and I have been having a debate about my use of the words "punk rock". He feels that to be "punk rock", one must be very skinny (like Billy Idol), that there are no fat (or even chubby) punk rockers. He thinks she is "gangsta". Not being well versed in the punk rock genre, I called on my friend Jennifer to provide me with support documentation to prove my point. She sent me five pictures of punk rock ladies who prove that you don't have to be thin as a rail to be "punk". She says "Bossa is like them because she is tough and unapologetic about not being a skinny minnie". Also, Bossa sleeps on the bar in our basement. I mean, how much more punk rock does it get than sleeping on a bar? So, Scott can take his Biggie, Big Pun, Missy Elliot, and Fat Joe examples and call Bossa "gangsta" all he wants. She will always be my punk rock kitty.

Check out these curvy punk rock chicks:
Tina - lead singer of the very punk Bobbyteens, Mariko Tamaki - very punk author, Pretty, Porky, and Pissed Off - the very punk fat activist group from Toronto, Corin Tucker - lead singer of the very punk Sleater Kinney, and Beth Ditto - lead singer of the very punk Gossip. Rock on ladies!

Wildebeest mainly eat grasses.

Scott has a bit of snoring problem. Actually, he has no problem with his snoring, I do. As the winter kicks in and the air becomes dryer, the sinuses become plugged, my husband turns into what I not-so-fondly refer to as "my baby Wildebeast". I'm not sure why I selected a wildebeast to describe his snoring state, but it seems oddly appropriate (the bull's deep grunts sound like a giant croaking frog...or a snoring male human). His snoring wakes me up at least twice, sometimes three times a night. I have to roll him over on his side and then stick something behind him (usually my elbow) to prevent him from immediately rolling onto his back again into prime snoring position. Scott tells me that on Saturday night, I was snoring, and he had to roll me over in my sleep to get me to stop. Apparently when he told me in my sleepish state that I was snoring, I told him "Well that serves you right because you are a "WILDEBEAST". He recapped this conversation for me the next morning and he said he found it interesting that even in my sleep I managed to turn the situation around so that he was the one who was ultimately at fault. I said, "Well, what do you expect, I'm fickle that way".

That's GREY, not Gray.

My apologies for not blogging yesterday - it was a very social weekend. Yesterday was our friend Chris' month early surprise 30th birthday party. His birthday is on December 29th - so every year he gets screwed. This year, his wife Jenn thought, what better way to surprise him than to throw his party a month early? I was the designated driver, so I got to be the sober person in a group of drunks. Good times.

Today was the Grey Cup. Not that Scott or I ever watch CFL, but we thought that since Superbowl is over 2 months away we might as well have some folks over to warm up. Cathy, Shane & Stephanie came over and though we had the game on, I had to look up who won on the internet once they left (GO ARGOS!). Definitely more social than sporting. Good times. And since I didn't have to be the DD this time, I am a bit rambly and will be using spell check before I post this to make sure I don't screw it all up. Good night all - talk with you in the morning! Loves, Kat.

She ain't pretty, she just looks that way.

This morning I woke up to find that my lovely cat Bossa had left a dead spider in front of the fridge for me. A gift you say? Probably. Or, she got bored with it when it slipped its mortal coil and stopped running from her. Where's the fun in that? Anyway, I am choosing not to take this dead spider gift as a sign, because I could really use some good luck today. I have a job interview this afternoon - hopefully. I say "hopefully" because it was supposed to be on Wednesday, but it got cancelled last minute due to a client emergency. Which is fine, really, I understand, client comes first, they pay the bills, etc. Though I must say, I felt super cool all dressed up in my suit, new pink blouse, with my makeup done perfect, not a hair out of place - for nothing. So hopefully today will be the day. I was nervous on Wednesday but I don't seem to have it in me to get nervous AGAIN. Lol. I think that if I had this Sex in the City style horseshoe necklace that I would feel much luckier. It seems to have replaced the Tiffany heart necklace as the new must have item. And I thought I didn't know what I wanted for Christmas?

I like my Bill puffy, with a side of bacon.

Since Bill Clinton's heart surgery, he has lost a significant amount of weight. I've heard many a media outlet describe his new look as "healthy" and "revitalized", and to this I say "WHAT???". Has America become so obsessed with being thin that they can't see that he looks haggard, tired, worn out, and dare I say, old? I prefer my Bill Clinton a little puffy (see picture #2 for "Puffy Bill"). I hope he puts some heart-healthy weight back on. Not through Big Macs mind you, but through some healthy flax seed oil spiked shakes or something. Perhaps it is selfish of me to wish this, but I really do think the man looks better with a little meat on his bones. And while we're on the "puffy" topic, I also think that Oprah would do well to gain back a few pounds. She seems to be a much kinder person when she's in the 12-14 size range. This new under 10 look is not to my liking. Not that I am watching her show - I am not - but I still have to see her big ol' head peering back at me from the cover of her namesake birdcage liner when I'm waiting to pay at the grocery store. She makes me miss Martha Stewart who knows that at some point in a woman's life she has to choose between her face and her fanny, and she chose her face, gawd bless her.

Welcome Back!

See the names have all changed since I been around...
But the game ain't the same since I left out...

I found this picture of Cathy, Sharon and Scott while looking through the archives of Sharon's site Shanghai Mosquito. I have been lamenting for a while now that Sharon has not been blogging much, but now that I have read her latest blog about her constant moving, I understand. By the way, that's Cathy in the middle, Sharon in the green t-shirt and Scott in the front (as usual). I'm not sure who that is in the vest, but she appears to be having a "good time", if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Get Lost.

Have you seen this show? Have you seen it in high-def widescreen? If not, you are totally missing out. Matthew Fox has been hott since he played the overbearing/overburdened brother Charlie on Party of Five. And boy is he ever making up for lost time. Woot! Thank you ABC! Not sure about that whole Desperate Housewives show, but I am loving the controversy of the Monday Night Football spot with Nicolette Sheridan. God bless America, where it is okay to pound the shit out of eachother and those with oil, but it is not okay for a black man to eye the nekkidness of a white woman while America eyes her bare back (at least not in prime time).

Phat & Hott.

My friend Solitaire was kind enough to point me in the direction of the new Baby Phat Pink & Diamond encrusted Motorolla cell phone they came out with (just in time for Christmas!). Now, I know you all know that I love me some pink. And I love sparkly things. But this may be taking things a step too far. I mean, $699USD? Even with the exchange rate being at record highs there is no way I could ever justify getting this phone. So, I'll have to be happy with my pink case and my rockin' Hello Kitty charm. Besides, too much pink may not be such a good thing.

Girl Crush Extraordinaire.

I have always had a "thing" for Scarlett Johansson. I am not sure if I first saw her in "The Man Who Wasn't There" or "Ghost World", but I dug her from the moment I laid eyes on her. While I have to admit there is a definite girl crush aspect to my admiration of Scarlett (Scott never lets me forget that throughout "Lost in Translation" I continuously whispered in his ear "she is SO pretty!") I wouldn't like her to this degree if she didn't give off that super cool/indifferent/awkward/aloof vibe. She also has a beautiful heart shaped face, awesome lips and eyes that you could dive into. And she looks superior in black and white. I almost fell over when I saw the new Calvin Klein Eternity Moment commercial. My goodness. I haven't even laid my nose on that perfume and I just know I must have it. Scarlett Johansson and it's pink too. This should be added to my Xmas wishlist. And while you're at it, throw in a widescreen copy of "Lost in Translation".

Breaking up with Oprah.

There, I've said it. I am breaking up with Oprah Winfrey. This may prove to be as difficult as breaking up with diet coke (which I failed miserably at, thanks to the new "with lime" feature). I have loved Oprah through thick and thin (haha!). I have watched Oprah religiously since I was a teenager. I remember rushing home from highschool with my friend Christine B. to hole up in my bedroom to watch O.W. and drink the aforementioned diet coke and eat chocolate chip cookies until Christine's mom came to pick her up. But it's grown old. I now feel dirty when I'm done sitting through an hour of her shilling her bullshit self-help propaganda "look at me, I had nothing, but I believed" swill. She charges companies money just to give out their products to an audience of greedy shrieking women on her show - and then she takes credit for it. Like the OWS hasn't become an hour long commercial with commercials. The cracking point for me (not the breaking point...) was that "America loves its military" baby shower in - wait for it - Tennessee. (What the hell is Ben Affleck doing in a baby shower show?) The breaking point wasn't the show where she gave away a bunch of cars. The breaking point wasn't the preview to her gawdawful "Oprah's favourite things" Christmas special. It wasn't even when she suggested that America should toss out its closet every season and wear only "clothes that make you feel alive" (wtf does that even mean?). The breaking point was when I finally, begrudgingly, thanks to my mom, got off my ass and read Stephen Lewis' article on Oprah's trip to Africa to visit with AIDS orphans. Go ahead, read it. I dare you to. You'll have five free hours each week that you didn't have before.

Christmas Blog #1.

I know it's early to be thinking about Christmas, but as my mom astutely pointed out last week, Christmas is only 6 weeks away. For people that have to ship gifts to faraway places this means that it is time to a) find out what the heck people desire/need/want/must have, b) go purchase the selected items, and c) wrap/pack/ship to the correct destinations. It is also time to start thinking about Christmas cookie exchanges and Christmas cards.
For the record, I'm not into the pc jargon of "holiday greetings" and all that. If you don't celebrate Christmas, I'm not sending you a card of any type in the month of December. It isn't like you send me a "Happy Hanukkah" card, like, ever.

A little late to the party.

Scott took me to see Team America last night. I know that the majority of people out there have already seen it, but as usual, we are a little late to the party. I'm not sure what my favourite thing was about this movie - likely the Kim Jung Il character and the constant use of profanity by marrionettes. I will rent the dvd when it comes out to see the uncut version of the marrionette sex scene and the behind the scenes details on how they actually managed to pull this off.

On a slightly different topic, the movie reminded me (not that I'd forgotten) about how deeply sad I am that Bush got "re-elected" President. It gets easier and easier to see why the rest of the world dislikes the US so intensely. I try to remind myself that about 50% of Americans didn't vote for Bush, but that just makes me sorry for them. I try to remember that there are Americans like David Cross and Michael Moore who speak out against their current regime and that gives me hope. But it is still incredibly frustrating to think that even with the last 4 years as an example of what's to come, that this bumbling ass-hat still managed to get voted "back in" to office. My mom was born in the US, but has lived in Canada for over 30 years. I asked her how she felt about the election results and she said "Well, the Nixon years were pretty dark. So were the Raegan years. I expect that the Bush years will prove just as dark". Sigh. Time to go buy one of those ultra-violet lights to keep the sun shining until 2008!

August 28.04.

This is Scott and me after we did the deed. Now our love is recognized by the man.

Newton was right.

After a busy day of fulfilling my role as the "Runner of Errands" I feel surprisingly upbeat. This leads me to believe that Newton was right. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. What I mean specifically is that if you are feeling terrible and you sit at home feeling terrible, nothing will change for you. If you get off your ass and get moving, it's hard to have time to feel so bad.

So, today I picked up the insurance for our new car that we will be taking home tomorrow. It's actually not new...it's a 2001 Camry. But it fits the requirements I blogged about last week. With only 13,200 km on it and 4 year bumper-to-bumper warranty it is a really good car. I think Scott was hoping for something cooler. I told him when we finally get another car he can get a cool car. This one is about being reliable. Anyway, on with my errands...dry cleaning, post office, filled the car up with gas, bought myself a new book which is supposed to inspire me. I'm not usually into self-help books, but this one looks good. I'll let you know.

Also, wait for it - I got a call this morning that I am getting a 3rd round interview at a company I have been in talks with for the past month. Awesome job, really interesting work... cross your fingers for me!

Note - I did not go to the LCBO for fear of being judged. Scott can go later and be judged on my behalf.

Proud Moment.

Because I'm not currently working, I have become our home's "Runner of Errands". Yesterday, one of my errands was to go to the LCBO to buy us some Rye. As I walk into said LCBO, I realize that I am not wearing any makeup and that my left eye is watering from an allergy attack that has been haunting me all day. I must have looked like quite a sight because the woman at the checkout looked at me like I was a total alcoholic. That's right, I'm a desparate housewife going to the liquor store at 11am to get booze. Proud moment. Meanwhile, I'm getting judged by someone who sells alcohol for a living?

Jebus, I gotta get me a job.

Happy Birthday Chris!

Yesterday was my brother in-law Chris' 34th birthday! We celebrated with him last night at Dave & Lorraine's house. Chris is the guy in the picture with the red tie. Handsome genes run in the family, eh? (my husband is the guy standing to his right). Tonight Scott is taking Chris to the Beastie Boys concert at the ACC. Should be a good time - old white dudes watching old white dudes rapping. Rock on!

Profile picture.

I updated my profile picture. If you are wondering, that is my husband Scott's ear.
Quite a handsome ear if you ask me.

Good money after bad.

We are buying a new car. Well, new to us anyway. My only stipulations are:

1) Must be made by a Japanese car maker of the Toyota/Mazda/Honda persuasion

2) Must not be red (insurance, ouch!)

3) Must be four doors but not a tank

4) Must have less than 15,000km on it

Scott said something about not being too expensive. So, that too. Anyway, we are going to go kick some tires today and attempt to not appear like we don't anything about cars. I already went to the Honda dealership and got all but patted on my head. So, it's not looking good for Honda. I am kind of in love with the zoomzoom car - despite their annoying ad campaign. And that awful little kid. But I'm keeping an open mind - except for the fact that I won't even entertain the idea of an American car. Nope. Been there, done that, broke down in Tonawanda, do not repeat. If you get screwed once - now that's a shame. If you get screwed twice, then that's your own damn fault. I am taking this experience as a message from a greater being, not to be ignored. Besides, I bet Bush has an American car. That's reason enough to steer clear.

Bossa, the behemoth.

Bossa, as previously mentioned, is not a nice cat. Funny thing is, she can be very sweet, when she wants to. Or wants something. But she hates you with the passion of 1,000 hot suns when you dare empty the dishwasher. And she doesn't understand how you could dare to be home during the day when she is supposed to be napping. Ignorant human. And if you pick her up, to put her on a chair, she will immediately swipe at you to show her appreciation. That's just the kind of girl she is.

A tale of 2 kitties

One is sweet. And grey. Lovely little girl.

The other, not so much. She is a bitch. She is tubby and black. I understand her. Guess which one the picture is of?

Jon Stewart is my boyfriend

He really is sex on a stick. Don't tell my husband I said that....