Taking the iPlunge.

After months of waiting for the "right time" to shell out a wad of cash to buy an ipod, I finally took the leap on Saturday (I decided the right time was never going to present itself, so I might as well just bite the bullet). I have wanted one for a long long time. And not just because they are pretty and cool and everyone has one. I even considered other mp3 players, because honestly, I am a pc user through and through and the idea of bringing an apple product into my home (willingly) made me shiver (and not in a good way). Turns out, even my friend Adam thought ipod was the best way to go, so I made my decision. Then, the nano came out, more to consider.

Ultimately, I decided to get the 20G version because both Scott and I will be using the ipod (once we make a further investment for the car adapter). I will say that it was a big of a downer when I got it home and realized I couldn't immediately start playing with it because it needed to charge for five hours. Then there was the whole saga with my computer (it is old) and the fact that it is not compatible with the ipod and its fancy gizmo ways. So, we had to hook it up to Scott's computer (much more modern than mine) and we were off to the races. I seem to have had more success with it than Scott. He was complaining to me the other day that he couldn't figure out how to load his "Jamma Jamma Bamma" playlist (my words not his) onto the ipod and thought that if the itunes interface was so damn great why wasn't it easier to figure that out? This from a man who typically reads every word of a manual before he'll even start assembling something. He adamantly refuses to embrace my new ipod so anything he can do to badmouth it appears to be open season (from cost to appearance). That's okay. If he doesn't want to use it that means more room for me. That pink case I want to buy might also dissuade him...thanks to Renaissance Runner for his generous birthday contribution to the cause!

The falling leaves, drift by my window.

Fall is my favourite season. I think it is partly due to the weather (cool, crisp air, turning leaves) and also the lead up to the holidays. The overly hot summer of 2005 is finally over and while it is back to business in a certain sense, the warm up to hibernation mode has also kicked in. New episodes of my favourite tv shows have finally started (I have recorded this week's O.C. and ER for the weekend). I can wear my turtle necks and jeans in comfort along with my wool striped socks. Flannel sheets are just around the corner, along with an extra duvet (much to Scott's chagrin). There are leaves to rake, which is good exercise but not as awful as shovelling snow. My cat Samba likes it because soon it will be cool enough at night that we will turn the ceiling fan in our bedroom off (it scares her). My cat Bossa hates it because it means it will be too windy for her to hang out on the back deck (it scares her). I'm not sure where Scott stands on it - I think in a sense he's happy because basketball season will be starting soon (5.5 weeks and counting) and he won't have to mow the lawn anymore. We also have our dateversary on October 24th (though we have agreed that this more a nice evening out than a card/present type of event). I know we have a trip to Ottawa planned (lots of beautiful/turning trees there) and maybe a trip to Ithaca as well. See, it's the most wonderful time of the year, it really is.

Battle of the Balls

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty excited about the finale of Rockstar INXS, as were my friends Dave and Jen. I invited them over to watch the show at our place so we could make an event out of it. Scott was a good sport about the whole thing, though the most he has watched is a verse or chorus here and there, mostly with snide comments. Jen and Dave got all decked out (leather, hair gel, martinis). They weren't kidding around. I wore my pyjamas (yes I am a party girl).

The first surprise was that Brooke was actually wearing clothes. We weren't so sure about her Pepe le peu hair and mismatched boot jewellery, but hey, what do we know? They had all 15 singers back for the show, which was kind of strange (hey loser - look what you don't have). Jen and I were laughing about how we had forgotten that Will and Neal were ever even on the show. Ouch. Dave N. stepped it up and left his shirt at home (back to basics, I like it). Jen aptly pointed out that the final 3 rockers were wearing very heavy makeup this week (maybe it will help them rock harder?).

Early bets at my house were that INXS has known for weeks who they were going to pick, and that pick would be J.D. He had a bit of a smirk on his face the entire show, making me think he already knew the gig was his. Apparently winning the dickwad pool = lead singer status. Says a lot, don't it?

Round 1 - Singer's Picks

Mig - Bohemian Rhapsody
Seems like Mig decided to revert back to his comfort zone (perhaps he is reminding his previous employers just how good he is so they will have him back now that he needs a job). Scott pointed out that the style of the song does not lend itself to INXS at all, and that he has a real Steve Tyler quality to his sound. I think he showed Suzie how this song is supposed to be done, and both of them should thank their lucky stars that the house band is so damn excellent.

J.D. - You Can't Always Get What You Want
I thought this rendition was cheese city. Like if Michael Bolton was going to cover the Stones, this would be how he would do it. Spastic dancing and double time endings do not equal rock 'n roll, but J.D. doesn't seem to understand that. Ah well, he was still smirking, so he clearly doesn't care what we think. Just wait until we are the ones buying (or not buying) your album dude. Just wait.

Marty - Wish You Were Here
See, Marty was my favourite on this show. He wasn't a pompous dickhead, he's just a low key guy, sans ego, who can rock his ass off. He sang this really well - came off vocally strong, sincere and on the money. Stephanie and I have discussed that we think he will be better suited for another band. Perhaps Stone Temple Pilots should give him a call now that their singer is heading up Velvet Revolver. At least Marty can travel across the border.

Round 1 Loser - Mig (just not right for their band).
This was not a shock, nope, not at all. I think Mig is going to be just fine though - he really should stick more with the stage/musical stuff in my opinion. With a voice like that, he could easily star on Broadway or do whatever he wants. Doesn't hurt that he is easy on the eyes either...

Round 2 - Sing with INXS
Lasers! Woot! Arena Rock, here we come! I gotta say, I think the house band plays INXS better than INXS does. Marty sang "Don't Change", and he seemed a bit tense, like he was going through the motions. While the performance was alright, it didn't do much for me. J.D. got a much better song in "What You Need". Between the whole vibe and the body language of the band it was pretty damn clear who they were picking. Dave and I agreed that we want to kick the dude with the little moustache (Kirk Pengilly) across the stage. Not much of a sax player either. Funny, J.D. messed up the ending, but it didn't matter - the band was too busy lovin' his ass.

Winner: J.D.
We all knew he was going to win, and I know he really is the best fit, but for some reason, I'm not that satisfied with the result. I think I would have liked it better if they didn't go with the safe regurgitation of their previous singer and tried something new. But apparently these guys are risk averse and I don't blame 'em. J.D. performed their new song "Easy Easy" with them...I didn't love it. I actually think J.D.'s song "Pretty Vegas" is better. I guess we'll have the chance to hear both on their new cd. Best part - there might be a new Rockstar show next year. Jen suggested "Rockstar Blind Melon". I think that has a nice ring to it, don't you?

Better late than never - the final four.

I've had a crazy week, a lazy weekend, and well, enough with the excuses. On the tip that something is better than nothing, I thought I'd post my notes from last week's show. Didn't Brooke kind of look like a porno pochahontas in this getup? Dave N. said she looked like an "adult" super hero...yeah, I'll say. Last week INXS picked specific songs for each singer. It is getting hard to be super critical because the final four are all pretty good at what they do, but I'll give it a shot.

Suzie: #1. Interstate Love Song, #2. What's Up
Suzie seemed a lot more confident overall, which I liked. She messed up the entrance to the second verse on her first song. It was also in a bad key so she kept coming in under the pitch. Such is the saga of singing songs meant for men when you are a woman. The second song was much better, though she had some weird crackly/airy things happening with her voice. I think she was trying to do that cool vocal effect that Linda Perry does and it just didn't happen. Not Suzie's best performances, but pretty good.

J.D.: #1. Pretty Vegas, #2. Money
It's interesting that they wanted to hear his song again. Makes me think they have fallen under his spell. It was a bit strange when J.D. kissed Dave N's cheek during his first song. Dave N. seemed non-plussed by it. The band gave him a standing ovation, which I thought was overkill. He seemed to nail the second song rhythmically, which is where the key challenge was. I didn't really feel any kind of flow to the song, it just kind of bumped along. J.D. and his fucking props were at it again (megaphones, money). He is so rock 'n roll it hurts [/sarcasm].

Marty: #1. Trees, #2. Creep
I love Marty's song (so so much more than J.D.'s song). It was interesting to hear it acoustic, though I really prefer the electric version. INXS was singing along to the song (definitely a good sign). Creep sounded awesome (of course it did). He sang it perfectly with a terrific contrast between the chorus and verses. INXS seemed to dig it, but not quite as much as they did J.D.'s. Boo on them!


Mig: #1. Kiss From a Rose, #2. Paint It Black
The more I listen to Mig, the more I start to wonder if his voice is just too pretty and perfect? I mean, he is an excellent singer, but there is a gritty factor that is missing for me. He absolutely rocks, but I sometimes hear a bit of stage flair in there. He sang his first song better than Seal sings it live (and I've heard him sing it live, so I know). Seal wins in the leather pants department though [booty booty woot woot!]. The second song was fine, I was neither here nor there on it.

We all know that Suzie went home, so I'm not going to rehash the bottom 3. My friend Jen and her husband Dave are coming over on Tuesday to watch the grand finale and we are both psyched. I'm not sure who INXS will pick, though I do think it will be between J.D. and Marty. It all depends on where they want to take their band. If they want to stay in their comfort zone, then J.D. (Michael Hutchence Jr.) is there man. If they want to move forward musically and do more modern/interesting stuff, then Marty is it. I just don't see Mig fronting INXS, but maybe they want to make it all Aussie all the time? I think they know who they are going to pick already, but we won't be let in on their decision until Tuesday.

Bush takes responsibility for government's failure to respond to Katrina.

We're back, it's Tuesday, I'm tired. Nice update, eh? Seriously dude. I am taping Rockstar, so I will update tomorrow. We all knew Jordis was going home last week (I watched that from Nassau). This week I'm thinking Suzie, so the final 3 will be a battle of the balls. Thoughts?

2 More Sleeps Until Bahamas.

By Saturday afternoon, Scott and I will be lounging around this pool, drinking fruity drinks with little umbrellas and pineapple skewers. Oh, I’m not excited, I’m over the moon (downright levitated in fact)! These days are payback from Sandals for turfing us early from our honeymoon due to Hurricane Ivan. Not that we were complaining about leaving a day early (after nine days of lying about, drinking and eating, we were ready to go home). Plus, the idea of being on a tiny island in the middle of a hurricane was significantly unappealing. We are hoping that we have more luck on this trip (which will be shorter) and that there won’t be any more hurricanes, at least not this week coming up. I am expecting our cat Bossa will leave a big turd on day four of our absence, likely in our front entry way to let our neighbours (who have agreed to come in every day to feed the girls) know just how unhappy she is that we are not home. It should be noted that if we were home, all she would do is ignore us, but it is the fact that we won’t be at home for her to ignore that upsets her. Samba will get very lonely while we are gone, but I think being at home is less stressful for her than being at a kennel. Plus, I’m planning on going to the pet store to buy her a new plastic spring to play with. Ugh. I’m already feeling guilty about leaving and we’ll only be gone for five nights!.

Choirs and Trumpets and Strings (on my!).

On last night’s show the producers of Rockstar tried to up the ante by bringing in a gospel choir, strings, and horns. While the strings and horns proved to be an effective addition, as you will read in this post, the choir sucked big donkey bollocks. Brooke upped the trampy/hawty factor by sporting white hip waders and a macramé plant holder for a necklace (I think I should do a retrospective of her wardrobe once this is all over – we can vote on her best, worse, sluttiest, and most conservative clothing choices for the season).

The half hour show that I no longer actually believe exists featured a test for the remaining six. They had to learn a new INXS song and record it, with INXS producing it. Anyone who has actually sang in a studio environment knows that this is an excellent test as singing live and singing in a studio are two completely different ballgames. Apparently (and no surprise here), J.D. was cocky [shock!] and didn’t bother to learn the song. He went into the studio expecting them to coddle and spoon feed him and he ended up fucking it all up. Oakville represent! I’d award him a dickwad point or two, but he is so far ahead of everyone else that I think there is no point. Seems like Suzie, (who continues to surprise me), nailed it. I guess her experience singing Marineland jingles paid off. Seriously though, seems like she sings INXS songs really well, and the band really sees her as a professional, so who knows – maybe she has a shot after all.

Ty – You Can’t Always Get What You Want
We all know that Ty sings soul well, no doubt about it. I’d hazard a guess that he probably has more soul than a bunch of old craggy Aussie rockers require. At this point of the show, I was thinking the choir was being completely underutilized, I mean, a vocal-choral break in the chorus would have added something to the arrangement (like a “You can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want…”). Whatever, it didn’t happen. As the show wore on I realized that the choir completely sucked (or maybe they just weren’t given good arrangements or enough prep/rehearsal time?). Dave N. and the band liked it, though they once again referred to it being a great “show” which makes me wonder if they are subtly referring to Ty’s stage experience (more Broadway than rock ‘n roll).

J.D. – Suspicious Minds
Why I am not surprised that J.D. used to be an Elvis impersonator? Oddly appropriate really, lip curl and all. The pre-pubescent gospel choir started wearing on my nerves right about now, they were just HORRIBLE. I didn’t love the speeding up double time at the end of the arrangement either. Also, he got pretty out of tune by the end – a lot of singers do this though. They get to the end of the song and they’re all “wankwankwankwankwank”. You know what I mean, vocal gymnastics take over – one last chance to show you “I can sing fancy” (Beyonce is the absolute master of this). Dave N. said it was pretty good, though an odd choice. I didn’t get the feeling that the band loved it. J.D.’s whole bad attitude schtick may finally be getting old (about time as he is off the dickwad scale!).

Marty – Wish You Were Here
I like this lower, softer voice that Marty featured last night. It is very beautiful and intimate – a huge contrast to the supersonic rocking we have seen from him in past weeks. Once again the choir proved to be fucking useless. I like that he kept it low key throughout and didn’t go bonkers at the end. He was very emotional at the end, which was hawt (love a man in eyeliner tearing up). Dave N. and INXS loved it (J.D. looked pretty sulky as they heaped on the praise and I loved that even more!).

Jordis – Imagine
I’m glad that Jordis played guitar – nice touch. Her hair looked awesome (kind of Princess Leah with dreads). I was a bit worried at the start of the song, because it sounded like it was sitting in a weird part of her range, but I think it was just because she started out softly. She built into the chorus beautifully and for the first time on this show, she gave me chills (or maybe that was the ceiling fan). Dave N. and the band gave her a standing ovation and heaped the praise on her. Good save after such a piss poor outing last week. Her dad was in the audience and he is hella cute! I wonder what her background is – seems like she has some flava going on.

Mig – Live and Let Die
Damn is he ever cute! I loved the cheesy band backgrounds in the slow section. The horns and the strings sounded awesome as well – I hope these singers know how lucky they are to be singing with such awesome musicians. I think that Mig could sing anything, and I’m glad he didn’t choose Bohemian Rhapsody. Dave N. loved it, INXS liked it, though they commented that he sang through the instrumental breaks. That didn’t bother me and I didn’t find it distracting at all. Mig really can do no wrong in my eyes though. Did I mention how hawt he is?

Suzie – Bohemian Rhapsody
I was a little concerned when Suzie picked this song. I thought it might go the way of Jordis’ awful performance of Dream On last week. Suzie came through though and did a top notch job. The band did a kickass job supporting her too – without them pulling their weight that vocal section would have fallen apart. I couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t sing over the instrumental breaks, and she was downright sassy in the “Let Me Go” section. Dave N. and the band ate it up, as they should. We’ll see if this keeps her out of the bottom three this week.
With only six singers left, it is getting tougher to predict the bottom 3. I have to believe that the band has some idea of who they think is a fit so it will be very interesting to watch tomorrow’s show to see not only who is in the bottom three, but what sort of comments they make about the performances.

Bottom 3 at the end of the show: J.D., Ty, Marty
Kat’s Bottom 3: J.D., Ty, Marty

An Anniversary to Remember.

I have now been married for 1 year + 1 day to the most wonderful man on the face of the earth (well, the most wonderful man for ME on the face of the earth!). We had the perfect anniversary yesterday. It started out with the requisite sleeping in, and then lounging around drinking coffee and opening gifts that we weren't supposed to get each other. Scott gave me a pearl necklace (Adrianne STOP LAUGHING you sicko) which I love love love! I had been oohing and ahhing over it in the jewelry store every time I was downtown near Scott's work. He is a smart smart man and he totally picked up on it. The first year anniversary gift is supposed to be paper (though I'm not complaining) so I got Scott two little pieces of art of our kitties. The little chubby faced grey one is Samba and the big fat blue one is Bossa. He liked them (at least that's what he told me!) so I hung them up in our dining room.

We went out to my favourite Thai restaurant for dinner and then out to a movie. I was in the mood for a comedy, so "The 40 Year Old Virgin" it was. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but Scott seemed to think it would be good (and he is the ultimate naysayer so if he was into it, it must have gotten really good reviews). It didn't disappoint. We agreed that the best line was "You know how I know you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says I like it when balls are in my face." I mean, ball jokes are always funny. So, a low key day to celebrate a very busy year. I can't wait to see what this next year brings. With Scott and me, it's always an adventure.

On motherhood and war.

I spent much of last night's Tori Amos concert wondering, is she knocked up? This pic here is from 2000 (preggo with her first baby). She looks pretty hawt for a pregnant lady! I did a little google search and found out that Alana and I are not the only ones who thought her big poofy dress was materity-esqe (and is that a bump on her tummy?). Her fans say no. Apparently she is just enjoying loose fitting garments.

The show, it was okay. I was disappointed that her band wasn't there (I kept hoping that back curtain would open up to show a big drum kit, but no such luck. I like a lot of her earlier stuff, but have been out of the loop for, I don't know, the last three or four albums. I think a lot of her songs, they sound the same. I mean, she sings beautifully, and she is musical, and talented, so don't jump all over me. Just that all of the songs she chose to sing last night, they were all midtempo songs about motherhood and family, and war. I'm happy we went, but if I were to ever go see her again, I would need a guarantee that her band would be playing. Last night's concert was for hardcore Tori Amos fans who would be happy hearing her recite the phonebook.

Of particular note was her opening act The Ditty Bops. They were absolutely fabulous and I think I actually may order their cd off Amazon. It's really too bad they weren't selling any at the show as I would have picked one up for sure. I think they are her opening act for the entire tour, so good for them! Adam and I had a lengthy discussion on the way back to the car about how we are always so pleased and surprised to hear singers who can sing in tune (gasp!) in live performance. We both agreed that this shouldn't be something to be surprised about as if your voice is your instrument, you should be able to use it proficiently. Just that in today's world of pop mediocrity, all we hear are voices fabricated in the studio that don't actually "exist" in the real world. Singers like The Ditty Bops are a pleasant gift.

Rock you like a hurricane.

I have waited 30 long years for a hurricane to be named after me. I always figured my name was too plain, but nope, Hurricane Katrina it is. Gotta tell you that it feels pretty righteous to read headlines like "Oil companies evacuate Gulf platforms as Katrina looms" and "Florida sweeps up from Katrina, but braces for a possible encore". It's right up there with headlines like "The dikes will save us" that Jennifer and I never cease to giggle at. Scott lamented to me yesterday that he doubted that there would ever be a Hurricane Scott. I told him that it could happen! Don't give up on it, we're only at K. The only problem is, I think they alternate male and female names, so "S" will technically be a female name this time around. Sigh. Anyway, as much as I am digging that my name is being used to name a massive upheaval in nature, I hope all this shit calms down for our 1 year Anniversary trip to the Bahamas next week. Tomorrow is actually our 1 year anniversary (yeah! we made it a whole year!). More on that later, gotta get ready to go see Tori Amos tonight with Alana, Adam, and Leeanne.

Lady In Red and Boys In Eyeliner.

I considered calling this blog “Brooke Burke and her lovely ta-tas", but that would just be crass. But seriously her boobs look freshly faked, I’m wondering if her soon to be ex gave her one last boob job for the road (he is a plastic surgeon after all). Dave Navarro did not disappoint either, he is slowly working back to his normal shirtless self, this time opting for unbuttoned to the navel. Nice!

So last night, they did an “Originals vs. Songwriter” theme. Suzie pulled a J.D. after suggesting that they all draw names from a hat and she was all “but I wanna sing my original it’sooooooooooo good” but thankfully Deanna and Mig stood their ground and showed her the hand. What I will say about the whole original song thing is that I think these singers need to remember that it may be a double edged sword. The audience votes for who they like, and part of liking someone is liking the song they sing. It’s hard to like a song (or even remember it for that matter) after only hearing it one time through. The recipe for success is does the audience like the song (meaning do they know it?) and do they like your interpretation. I doubt very many voters are actually considering “who would be the right choice for INXS” at this point. They are just voting for who they dig.

Suzie – Cameltoe City (Start Me Up)
She almost missed her entrance with her dumb shout out to her peeps. While I definitely think she is a strong singer, she has never connected with me. I think that live she is probably fine, but she doesn’t carry across the airwaves. Dave N. (who was surprised she has been in the bottom 3 so many times) should watch the show from home with Carmen and see if he still thinks she is so great. Me thinks no.

J.D. – Cold As Ice
Still a cocky SOB, but how can you not love that eyeliner? Hawt! Also, does he have a sock in his pants? Yowzers. I think he sang the song well and had a lot of confidence which made it compelling. The vocal harmony section with the band sucked though (totally out of tune, mostly J.D.’s fault). INXS loved it though, and they seem to like the risks he takes (one of them being that the rest of the singers will gang up on him and drown him in the pool).

Deanna – My Truth
I'm wondering (and maybe Adam can tell me) how they can write new material and get it copywrited so fast? Is it the whole, once you say “I wrote this” and then perform it on TV thing, that means it belongs to you? Or can you just seal the music in an envelope and mail it to yourself? The song completely catered to her voice and it was nice to hear her sing in a comfortable key. Hence, not a lot of range in the melody, but fuck, she sang it with balls (especially since she didn’t have much time to write it and then learn it). Good for her.

Ty – Proud Mary
Wow, buddy totally took credit for writing Deanna’s song – 1 dickwad point for Ty. That was unnecessary (has he been hanging out with J.D. or something?). I didn’t love this version of Proud Mary. It was too fast, the background vocals stunk (specifically: out of tune, not groovin’, and falling apart), and it just left me cold. The band liked it, but I think they were just checking out Brooke Burke dancing to it.

Mig – Do Or Die
The beginning was kind of minwaxy (meaning, awkward), but it did get better at the chorus. Seemed a bit “rock opera” to me, but I may be full of it. I loved the zebra fabric cod piece he wore over his pants – that was something! I think that the band should be given props for playing the hell out of a song they didn’t really like and I think that Mig sold it through. Dave N. liked it, and the band “appreciated” it, whatever that means. I still like Mig though and I am betting that all of Australia is voting for him.

Marty – I Alone
More eyeliner! Hawtness! Boy does the camera like Marty. He was very intense throughout his performance. I don’t know this song, so it’s hard to say how well he sang it, but he sure did rock his ass off. I thought that his head was going to turn around 360 degrees at the end, he damn near looked possessed. Dave N. lurves him, but the band wants him to stop screaming all the time and sing more. Funny, Deanna shouts most of her songs, but they never say that to her.

Jordis – Shits The Bed (Dream On)
I loved it until she opened her mouth. Great hat. Weird key – I think she opted for a lower key so she could try to hit that note at the end, which she didn’t. The problem with singing a song too low in your range is that it comes off as low energy. She not only had pitch issues, but she didn’t rock at all and missed the ending completely. I am with Dave N. on this, she should have changed the melody to make it work. This is a prime example of a song that only a man should sing. We all have off nights, but this was especially disappointing.

Bottom 3 at the end of the show: Deanna, Ty, Jordis,
Kat’s bottom 3: Suzie, Jordis, Ty

This thing called life.

Just wanted to post a quick update to say that I have been hella busy between my friends Jen and Dave's wedding (which was beautiful and pink and lovely!), starting to work again (ain't that a trip!) and trying to keep Scott's spirits up (he is sick as a dog right now). I taped Rockstar INXS last night so I will watch it tonight after work and make a quick post before I go out to see my friend Alex's band The Free Press tonight. It is their CD release party so we want to go and make an appearance (sick our not, he is our boy). I will have to tape the results show and watch it tomorrow, so don't tell me who gets booted off. Actually, it will be Suzie, so whatever, I showed you. I can tell you that without even watching this week's performances!

Mig, I love YOUR ways.

Jennifer was kind enough to give the Monday night recap (apparently I am the ONLY person who can't find this "floating" show). The show amounted to the remaining singers getting into two groups of four to see if they can play nice. Surprise, surprise, J.D. acted like the sulky punk-ass-bitch that he is. His group lost because of his bad attitude yet he somehow managed to come out of the incident lookin' like a bad-ass-rocker. Whatever. I'd just love to see him pull that prima donna shit with a bunch of craggy ol' Australian rockers. They would set him straight in a hot second. My lustful Brandon hate has now been refocused on J.D. (Canadian or not, he is a punk).
Okay, so now for the recap. I love that we can all chat with Brooke online. I can bet what kind of chatting is going to be happening and usually folks have to pay for that! Not sure about the continuous parade of pinstripes on this show (the stylists must get a discount on bad taste).

Last night there was a bit of twist with the song selection. INXS selected a song for each singer (I think they did this because despite their requests to hear particular styles from each singer, those requests have largely been ignored).

Jordis - Knockin' on Heaven's Door
She started out of tune with a bit of vocal wankery (when will singers learn?) but the song immediately got better once she got into the first verse. She really has a magic about her, and shone in this intimate setting (yet somehow still manages to be quite powerful). INXS is smitten with her, and while Dave Navarro doesn't want to sleep with her, I bet he wants to make her his honourary sister. Great performance, though I could do without the out of tune vocal riffing.

Jessica - Torn
Apparently INXS wanted to see a softer side of Jessica, and I guess they saw it last night. I still think she belted a lot and I would have truly unplugged this song, maybe even switched up the arrangement a bit so that it started out a little more bare bones. For some reason with the busyness of the arrangement it didn't really sound all that unplugged to me. Dave N. liked it and said "less is more", and the band seemed to like it. Jessica will still be in the bottom three though, and I think she'll go home this week.

Ty - Maggie (Mary) May
Nice rat tail dude. Gross. Also, what is with the pajama bottoms? I didn't love this rendition of the song (also - I think he was singing "Mary" instead of Maggie...at least a few times). It should be noted that I can't stand Rod Stewart, so that likely didn't help. Dave N. and INXS loved it (even went so far to call it a Motown feel which I didn't hear). Ty then capped his performance off with some wacky tongue talents...weird.

Suzie - Bring it on Home to Me
I know that I am always harping about this, but the tempo was really too fast. I think Suzie did a good job keeping it reigned in. I kept wondering how she would sound if she was an old black man, because I think this song would have rung more true to me. Terrible, I know! I seem a bit prejudice against poor Suzie - it may be because she sounded a bit country, which really, is unforgivable. Dave N. heard it differently and loved it, INXS thinks she is one of the best singers in the competition (technically yes, but otherwise no!). I think Suzie will join Jessica in the bottom three this week.

Marty - Hit Me Baby One More Time
I LOVE MARTY. What a horrible song, but he did a good job. The most distracting thing was the background singers sounded terrible. I really dug how he got all intense at the end, basically shrieking over the band. Go Marty! Too funny how J.D. was sitting there looking so jealous that he didn't get to sing this song. Dave N. also dug it, and the band seemed to appreciate that Marty was a good sport about singing such an awful song.

Deanna - I Can't Make You Love Me
This really was a perfect song for Deanna and I think it did show off her voice. And her boobies - check those sister out (they're all like - "Lift us up, we're suffocating down here"). She totally pulled it off, she was feeling it too, which came across. She is just as good a singer as Bonnie Raitt and better than Sheryl Crow. INXS liked her performance a lot, but I think Deanna was too hard on herself (I suspect she just HATES singing songs that expose her voice like that).

J.D. - As Tears Go By
The band wanted J.D. to be "real" with this song. Seeing as he is a Grade "A" Asshole, I'm not sure that's a good thing. It didn't matter either way because while he sang the song well, his supposed emoting came off as mere posturing. He was trying to come off as a sweetheart rocker, but it fell totally flat, nothing, nada, zip. I didn't buy it at all and neither did INXS (except for Tim, but whatever). HAHAHAHA J.D.! Looks good on you.

Mig - Baby, I Love Your Way
Mig plays piano - HOTT DAMN! Do you know how hard that is to do? To play and sing, and do both exceptionally well? Trust me, it's hard! He sounded fabulous. J.D. really should listen up because this was true emoting. But see, Mig really has love in his life, whereas J.D., he only loves himself. I think Mig is the favourite to win (he's Australian too - I can only imagine the votes he is pulling from down under). Dave N. got all sappy and INXS lurved him. Mig got my vote. Several of 'em.


Bottom three this week will be: Suzie, Jessica, J.D.
Favourites for final three: Jordis, Marty, and Mig

The Kat came back (she just couldn't stay away).

It's ON bitches! I got me a shiny new job at a super shiny company. I am not going to say anything more than that. But man, I am stoked. I think that when I get my first new and shiny paycheque, I'm going to put an order in for this "Big Maneki Neko Lucky CAT Sculpture" as it is called on this website. I recently started developing a bit of a fetish for these cats of good fortune. I bought my first when I was visiting my bestfriend Jennifer a few weeks ago in Ottawa. The one I bought was somewhat plump, and white. I bought one just like it in gold for Alana, figuring she could use some more good fortune this year (and it is already working!). Seriously, my good fortune has turned right around. But maybe it was always good, and the fact that my outlook is positive, I am able to recognize it. Ah fuck, who knows? I'm going to go rub my good luck cat's belly and start celebrating with Scott. INXS review tonight!

On a Monday, I am waiting.

Rockstar INXS can't figure out what the heck to do with that little extra show of theirs. Apparently it was on last night at 8pm, but again, I was left in the dark. Scott and I had a "Law & Order - Mr. Ridiculous" date, and he made me wings, which more than made up for it. I was checking out INXS's website to see what the story was with the show (it was no help), and after I started linking around, I somehow got to this silly MeeGos site. It is similar to the Yahoo Avatars, but they are more cutsy, and um, they cost money. I am cheap, so I just took screen caps of my creations. That first one, is what I would look like if I were a cartoon rockstar. This second one is Alana on her noodle. Umm...maybe you had to be there?

This will be an interesting week for me as I have to harness some patience and play it cool. The wonderful world of negotiations. I have a couple of things I'm looking at, and I think there is a chance that both will come to fruition. Then I have to pick the best one for me. I think that either one on their own would be good though, so if they don't both come through, I'll be okay. But man, if they do both come through, that would be AWESOME. I know I am being vague, but it will all become very clear...as mud.

Shoutout to my girl Jenn who is getting married on Saturday (seen here with her super cute puppy Dexter). I went to her bachelorette party on Saturday and spent yesterday recovering. I would like to believe that I was not so drunk as to not be in control, somewhat. But, in fact, I may have hurdled over the line of good taste on several occasions, so it is more likely that I was VERY drunk, and just one of those drunk girls who thinks they have it together, but really, they have lipstick smeared across their cheek, they are cursing like a sailor, and hitting on 21 year old bouncers. Nice to know that at 30, I still got it.

Bossa the Zombie Cat.

Scott would be the first to tell you that I am not a fan of zombies. I can't handle them, not in books, movies, tv shows, music videos, nothing. As you can imagine, to have them infiltrating my dreams is even more disturbing. Plus, having my cat Bossa turn into a zombie cat - just awful.

The dream: Bossa (aka "Captain Bitchface") is trying to jump over the baby gate at the top of our stairs. She is totally freaking out, hissing and scratching and clawing and the likes. I know that she wants to attack our other cat Samba, so I am swatting at Bossa, not letting her up the stairs (note, at this point, she is just a normal cat, not yet a zombie cat). She is getting super crazed, so I give her a real hard swat, which sends her flying. In my dream, our staircase is spiral, and there is a clear path down to the floor below (neither are true in the reality that is my relatively small house). Bossa drops straight down, head first and lands with a sickening crack on the ceramic tile below. She isn't moving, and Scott and I both run downstairs to see if she is okay. Scott picks her up and cradles her in his lap, and that's when her eyes start swelling. And they are bright yellow, and they are getting bigger and bigger, and popping out of the sockets and then the EXPLODE. So, for some reason, we assume she is dead, so we leave her and go to get a box to put her in. When we come back in, we see her, not dead at all. She is doing the zombie march down our hallway, but she is blind, because her eyes exploded. So, we are standing there in our hallway, with the blind zombie cat marching towards us.

Weird dream, eh? I told Scott about it and he started singing "Zombie cat, zombie cat" to the Spiderman theme music. He agreed that my dream was disturbing. I think that forever more, Bossa will be referred to (lovingly) as Zombie Cat.

Cogeco Internet and VOIP: Up and down like a whiskey dick.

See, I was initially excited about getting VOIP (voice over IP) from Cogeco when Scott mentioned it to me last month. I mean, it meant getting rid of Ma-Bell for once and for all, and I figured it would be kind of cool to lead the way into the next generation of technology. Plus the long distance within North America 24-7 at no extra cost – that doesn’t suck.

But you want to know what does suck? What does suck is that at 4pm today, when I was expecting a very important phone call and/or email by end of business day Friday, neither my phone nor my internet connection were working. And insult to injury, neither was my cable, so no television to distract me from the fact that neither my god damn PHONE nor my INTERNET connection were working. So, I called dear Cogeco, and explained my situation to them. Apparently, if I am the only person in my neighbourhood bitching and moaning, they don’t give a fuck, and they will send someone out on Saturday. Saturday! So, I guess the fact that I spend upwards of $150 a month with them is not worth their time. The fact that NONE OF THEIR SHIT-ASS services are working, that is NOT THEIR PROBLEM.

Well fuck you Cogeco. As I type this, my phone and internet have been up and down like a whiskey dick (all talk, no delivery). That 8 hour phone battery backup doesn’t do me a fuck lot of good if my cable modem is blinking like a Christmas tree. Now I understand why the first month is free. You are lucky my husband is more patient than me, because if I had my way, we would have cancelled our television, internet and phone today. Eventually though, I will have my way, so you better ship the fuck up or I will kick you to the curb, don’t even kid.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you were thinking about getting VOIP, from Cogeco, wait…a while. A long long while. They have miles to go before they sleep. Also, their installation technicians leave all their garbage and boxes behind when they are finished, and despite requests to confirm that your internet is up and running, they will wave you off like you are a dumb blonde and say “yes, yes, it is working” but really it isn’t, and then you get to spend a half hour waiting to get through to Cogeco by phone, I mean, assuming your phone is working. Not a great customer experience.

PS Alana: See, it is hard to come off as sappy and sentimental when you say “fuck” and “shit” a lot. Also, CAPS, not so sentimental.

My baby got back.

I don't usually get up on my soap box (aka blog) and sing the praises of mass marketed products, but hott damn - the Gap got it right with these new curvy jeans of theirs! See, after visiting Jennifer and having the demoralizing experience of trying on the new Seven/7 jeans that are all the rage, and realizing, they just don't even make them in my size (ouch) plus they cost about $300 (double ouch) I was super thrilled to give these curvy jeans a shot. So, thank you Gap, for not penalizing me just because I got a booty, my thighs touch, I am only 5'4 (love the ankle length!) and I do not want to have to wax to wear my jeans. Shoot, you know what I'm talkin' about with those ultra-low-rise (my hip bones will act as my belt) jeans. Also, I don't want the world to see my ass crack when I bend over, and I also don't want to be tugging at my shirt to make sure my back isn't peeking out. So if you struggle with finding the right pair of jeans, and you are not a stick figure, I strongly encourage you to go give these a try. They're also on sale now for $55 a pair...bootyous.

Brandon *is* an ass-hat.

In contrast to last night, Brooke actually wore a lot of clothes (for her anyway). Weird leggings... channeling her inner skid chick I guess.

Bottom 3, as promised was Suzie, Brandon and Jessica. Props from the band to Marty and Ty (no surprise there). Brandon is such an ass-hat, if they don’t kick him off I may have to boycott the show. Lol – Suzie looked SO PISSED OFF to be in the bottom 3 AGAIN! I think she just doesn’t connect with the audience, regardless of how good she may be live.

Save your skin songs:

Jessica – Disappear
I am kind of hoping Jessica “disappears” in the next week or so. Damn she was pitchy and she is just too cutesy for my liking. We all know she isn’t right for INXS, why prolong the misery?

Brandon – Don’t Lose Your Head
I don’t get why they gave him another bluesy song – maybe they knew it would be his final song so they wanted him to end strong. Pitchy like all hell AND he forgot the words. Not cool dude.

Suzie – Bitter Tears (aka “Suzie’s Bottom 3 Tears of Bitterness”)
Bad key – it makes her seem like she is singing with low energy. Things seemed to pick up once the song got rolling. Boy was the rhinestone fly on her crotch distracting.

Anyway, I’m happy Brandon is gone and we won’t have to listen to him yowl at the moon next week. If I was the band I would have turfed Jessica as well, but now they have an almost even split of guys to girls.

Current favs to win: Marty, Mig, J.D. (in that order)

Sausagefest 2005 – The search continues.

Apologies for the lack of blog on Monday’s show. I couldn’t find it because those wankers at CBS ditched it off to VH1 and I assumed that meant it wouldn't be on in Canada. Stephanie, with her magical powers watched it so I’ll have to assume that it was available somewhere, or her dreams are just really fucking vivid.

So, onto Tuesday’s night. Where are Brooke’s pants? Did she lose them in the divorce? Scott likes her juicy legs. Dave Navarro wants her to take her top off. Good times.

Suzie – Losing My Religion
I’m glad she skipped the acapella intro she was considering because that would have blown big chunks. I think she was trying to hard to rock with a song that doesn’t really want to rock all that hard. Weird pants…did she buy them at Tallcrest (Mincemeat Vixen’s favourite store)? The band really liked it, me not so much. I did like the Joan Osborne look though with the hair and long earrings. Would have been better if she hooked her nose ring up though.

Mig – All Right Now
He totally captured the right mood of the song and sang rhythmically which I appreciate. He just grooved his hot little ass off. I didn’t love the pinstripe pants (are the singers passing those around?) but how can you not ogle that body? I agree with the band that he should sing a ballad. Go Mig!

J.D. – Crazy
Damn J.D.’s a cock SOB. Jennifer would have approved of that eyeliner though. Kind of a weird song for him to cover – he had no flow to the melody and sang it all punchy style (too rhythmic….). I’ve seen Seal live and J.D. didn’t do this song justice, I mean, he missed the entire point of the song. I don’t agree with Dave that he did a great job, but I do agree with the band that he was pitchy.

Jessica – Come As You Are
I have no idea why she picked this song, it’s like she wants to fail. First off, she looked all crazy glam and second off, this was a karaoke rendition if I ever heard one. She may have been feeling passionate, but I’m with Dave and the band – she was going through the motions and it just didn’t come across. This song isn’t the challenging vocally so I think she should have picked a song that would show off her voice.

Jordis – Layla
Even the golden child can stink up the joint every once and a while. I think it was a touch of fast and I just didn’t feel the bittersweet of Eric Clapton. She sang it like an upbeat party mix and there were evident vocal problems. Maybe she was partying it up too much with her birthday celebrations. The band totally digs her scene, so whatever.


Brandon – It’s All Over Now
Appropriate song title, because this dude is on borrowed time. While I understand going back to his comfort zone, it just made it clearer to me that the only thing he has any business singing is blues/classic rock. He looked like a fucking epilectic seal with all that crazy dancing. I still have no love for him. He isn’t strong vocally and when he goes outside of what he knows, he blows.

Marty – Mr. Bright Side
Marty has a good head on his shoulders, and I dig his scene. At first I wasn’t sure about doing this song acoustic, but the risk seemed to pay off for him. He sings the song better than the lead singer of the Killers (live anyway). Dave loved it, J.D. looked pissed that he didn’t think of it first, and the band lurved it. Yeah Marty!

Deanna – Long Train Running
Her hair looks great pulled back and she sounded awesome. It is clear that the stage band digs playing with her. While I know she has some vocal problems, her voice is monstrous and she sings her ass off. It is funny to me that Dave thinks she is so hott because she doesn’t dress like a slut at all (I’m looking at you Jessica…and Brooke). The band is dead on that she sometimes oversings, and it is interesting that they want he to strip it back and do a song that will expose her voice more (the very thing she is hoping to avoid).

Ty – No Woman No Cry
I love that Brooke called his performance from last week “underwhelming”. What a cunt. I mean, she is one to talk, she looked like she was wearing a bird’s nest. He sang with no vibrato, thank gawd. I’m glad he was the one to sing this song, because if I had to listen to Suzie or some white chick sing it I’d have to mute the sound. He seemed pretty chilled out overall, though I did not did the vocal wankery at the end. Thank goodness the band finally dug him, it’s about time.

Bottom 3 is easy this week: Suzie, Jessica Brandon.