max update.

With school starting on Tuesday (yay!!), I've been reflecting on how much progress Max has had over the summer. He has a lot more language, he is following instructions more consistently, and best of all, he has developed a really strong relationship with his little sister Cameron. Granted, I'm a little nervous about how the first day of senior kindergarten will go. Big transitions are always tough, but hopefully Max will be happy to see his favourite EA Mrs.W and pick up where they left off in in June. The good news is that Max is in a JK/SK split, so he will be in the same room and have the same teachers as last year. A lot of the kids will also be the familiar, so we're crossing our fingers that his Fall goes more smoothly than his initial entrance into JK last year.

One of the things that has brought both Scott and me a lot of joy this past month is observing how well Max and Cameron have been getting along. At least once a day we find them giggling up a storm together (usually jumping on a bed or a couch). Of course, Max is still a stinky older brother and he enjoys teasing Cam (I never thought I'd hear her say "Max is touching me! Make him stop!"). Max thinks poking Cam is tremendously funny and has an impish grin on his face when he does so. Teasing strikes me as a very subtle action, and as much as Cam finds it annoying, I think it's awesome.

We have also been working on Max's receptive language, which is much stronger than any of us suspected. I'm finding that if I give him an instruction, and then wait for a few seconds, giving him a chance to process what I've asked, he usually follows through and completes my request. (It's easy to be impatient and repeat yourself before giving him a chance to do what you've asked.) What happens when you repeat yourself is that he has to start processing what you have said again, which starts a vicious circle of both of us getting frustrated. As always, patience gets you everywhere.

Yesterday, I asked Max to carry his new backpack to the car. He picked it up and started dragging it along the sidewalk. I corrected him and told him to "pick it up" and much to my surprise, he looked at me, and then picked it up and carried it properly. We got to the car and I asked him to put it in the car, and he did so. He will also clear his plate and fork from the table and bring me maple syrup from the fridge for his pancakes. Did I mention he can also dress himself completely? This little boy has come so far in a few short months - I am excited to see what sort of progress he will have this school year!

max's last day of junior kindergarten.

Today was Max's last day of junior kindergarten. He made it. We made it. As I look back through the blog posts I have written about Max's first year in the public school system, I see now that while there were ups and downs, there were mostly ups. It took a lot of doing on my part, but it was all worth it.

Getting Max into an all day kindergarten program was the first hurdle. It was a big one.

We finally got him into a school where he could attend every morning.

It was hard moving him from preschool where he was well loved to the unknown of school.

Rough, rough, start.

Max's EA was the first one to fall in love with him.

For the first time ever, he sat for his school picture.

As a parent of a child with Autism, you need to go the extra mile to help your child fit in.

Making lunches takes A LOT of time.

It's no fun getting a call that you have to pick up your child and take him to the hospital.

Sometimes the paperwork will make you see red.

A big part of me thinks Max's teachers were blessed to have him in their class this year.

Guess who is the best reader in junior kindergarten?

Putting Max in junior kindergarten was the right call.

Where did my baby go?

I am really, really proud of Max and all that he accomplished this year. He has learned to tolerate a loud and busy classroom, stand in line with his classmates, eat lunch with them, play in the gym with them, and sometimes even share toys. Max can sit in the morning circle, knows everyone's names, and seems to be known by everyone at his school. He was the first child with autism to attend this school in junior kindergarten. Next year he will get to stay in the same room as it is a JK/SK split, so I am hoping we will have a smooth start. The bonus is that he will also have the same teacher and EA so I can breathe easy knowing that they have a connection and he doesn't have to start from scratch with someone knew. This summer Max will be attending the SK program in the mornings at the daycare he went to preschool at. Since he is already familiar with it, I am crossing my fingers that he transitions in smoothly. Wish us luck!!

the best reader in junior kindergarten.

This morning I had the opportunity to observe Max in his Junior Kindergarten classroom. I wasn't sure if he would tolerate me being there, but he was completely non-plussed. It was wonderful getting to see how far he has come since September and to hear his teacher speaking so positively about him. Also - he is the BEST reader in Junior Kindergarten. Got that? The best! Bring on Senior Kindergarten!

max's student safety plan for junior kindergarten.

There isn't a day that goes by that doesn't test your inner metal when you have a child with Autism. It may be something relatively small, like being told Max wiped his nose with his hand 198 times during his ABA session, which is why his face is raw. Sometimes it is much worse, like being called to take Max to the ER because his elbow has been dislocated at school. Or maybe it's the sharp pain in your heart when you explain to the flooring sales guy that the reason you are putting laminate in your son's bedroom is that he defecates on his bedroom floor every morning.  There are days when I take it all in stride and these things don't bother me so much.  But there are also days when something that was supposed to be innocent (like checking Max's school backpack) ambushes me with a sneak attack. 

This morning, as I was putting Max's lunch and snacks in his bag for school, I pulled out the communication book that his teacher uses to tell me how his day has gone.  Apparently on Friday Max took all his clothes off from the waist down to express his displeasure with something.  Huh. That is not what did me in.  Tucked in to the yellow communication book was a 5 page document titled "Student Safety Plan". 

The document states:

• developed in response to risk of injury to the student and others
• not a plan created to remediate behaviour
• student must have a Behaviour Plan to support Safety Plan
• Created in consultation with the 'CORE TEAM' at school level

It goes on to list risk categories like "Physical Aggression" and "Putting Self in danger" and triggers such as "noise, confusion regarding duration of activities, task demands, and transitions", followed by 3 pages of process documentation on what is to happen if an escalating behaviour occurs. It is all so black and white.

There is something about the documentation around Max's Autism that I find quite difficult.  The words get blurry, and I often have to set them aside for review at a later time.  I have read some devastating reports that have left me sitting in my car sobbing, feeling hopeless.  The reports are absolutely necessary to get Max what he needs, be it funding, or fulfilling whatever requirements of paperwork hoops we have to jump through. 

What the reports miss completely is that the very reason for their existence, the true core of the documentation, is a 4 year old little boy.  A beautiful child with a smile that melts your heart, and eyes that touch your soul.  A boy named Max who works so very hard to fit into a world that he does not understand and for the most part, does not understand or accommodate him. 

I get that the reports and documentation  are very much necessary.  But I wish they could somehow have some humanity and acknowledge that after all is said and done, there is a child involved.

helping your child with autism fit in.

watching an episode of Elmo from the kitchen

This morning as I dropped Max off at Junior Kindergarten (late as usual), I overhead his teacher explaining to the class that if they wanted, they could send candy cane-grams to their friends. My ears perked up so that I too could get the details of how this exchange would work. I looked at Max, sitting with his EA, taking his coat and boots off and I knew he totally wouldn't fully understand the concept of sending out candy canes to his classmates. What he would understand was everyone else receiving them. I want so badly for him to fit in and have friends (in whatever way he is capable). I asked his EA if I could give her money to fill out candy cane-grams for his classmates and teachers. She agreed, so I ran out to the car and returned with enough cash to bankroll this endeavor.

Driving to work I wondered to myself if other parents of kids with Autism do the same type of things?  It is really important to me that Max be given a fair shot and for kids to like him.  I hate the idea of him being left out of anything merely because he didn't understand or nobody told me how to have him included.  I'm sure I would have missed out on this had we not been late and it makes me wonder how many other things Max doesn't get to take part in just because people figure he won't understand. 

I believe that in his own way, he totally gets it and I never want him to feel left out.  I hope someone sends him a candy cane-gram.

a thousand words.

(Max is wearing a pressure vest that provides him with
sensory input and helps him self-regulate.)

This picture blows my mind.  Mind = blown. Kaboom.  This is my Max, the kid with Autism.  The kid who spent the first month of Junior Kindergarten throwing tantrums and attempting (some times successfully) to bite his teachers.  He's happy, smiling, and clearly engaged.  This picture represents the progress Max has made in the last 2.5 years.  This picture says it all.

When I dropped Max off at jk on class picture day, I told his teacher not to worry if Max wasn't into sitting to have his photo taken.  It wasn't worth stressing him and everyone else out for the sake of a school picture that I probably wouldn't want to buy anyway.  I told her that the previous year, his daycare had been able to get him to sit, but he had tears streaming down his face in the proofs I got back.  The year before that he came home with carpet burns all over one side of his face because he got so upset he threw himself on the floor and had a meltdown.  I had zero expectations.

The next morning, his teacher happily reported that Max not only sat for the solo shot (and they had five to choose from) but he also sat for the group picture.  I picked my jaw up off the floor and told her I was amazed, but YAY!  Good stuff!  The proofs we got back were terrific, so I went ahead and ordered a bunch of photos for the grand parents.  It was only this week that I got to see the group photo, and my heart sank a bit.  Max is in the picture, but he is off to the side, looking at a toy, not engaged at all.  But, you know, he's in the picture.  That's progress.  Next year he'll move a little closer to the group and drop the toy.  And the year after that maybe he'll sit with the group.  As much as the group photo was a dose of reality, it is merely a stake in the ground for us to measure milestones against. 

This little boy is simply amazing.  He teaches me more each day and has shown me what pure joy looks like.  We're doing it Max! We're winning!

junior kindergarten update.

For all of the constructive criticism I have doled out about Max starting jk, I also think it is important to balance it out with props to the new members of Team Max.  We had a rough start with junior kindergarten.  Max struggled and let his unhappiness be known by throwing tantrums, biting his EA (several times) and being completely non-compliant.  His teachers were beside themselves trying to figure out a way to get Max settled down and to have him be a part of the classroom.  I felt their frustration.  I felt Max's confusion, and I said a little prayer every morning that "this would be the day that Max clicks with them". 

During the first week of October, something finally fell into place.  Max started smiling when we pulled into the school parking lot.  He trotted to his classroom, his grin spreading from ear to ear when he saw his EA.  I started getting reports back that he had peed in the toilet (progress from holding his urine all morning until he got to blueballoon).  They figured out a way to get him to take his jacket off (the Autism team provided him with a pressure vest - which he loves).  He willingly changed his shoes.  The principal called me one morning to say that he went into Max's room to observe and Max was sitting at a table with some of his classmates and his EA working on counting problems.  We all started to relax.

This past Monday was picture day.  We have never had any success at getting official school pictures of Max at his daycares.  I told his EA not to worry if Max wasn't into having his picture taken, we wouldn't be upset and it just wasn't worth it for everyone to get stressed out about it.  Turns out I needn't have worried, because not only did Max sit for the group photo of his class, he gave the photographer 5 terrific poses to choose from for his individual photo!  I really can't wait to see the pictures.  Milestones come at the most surprising times.

When I dropped Max off this morning, I wanted to get a picture of him smiling.  He immediately went and stood behind his EA, hugging her legs and peering around her to see if I was still there.  He was giggling because she was saying "where's Max? peak-a-boo!" but the minute he saw I was trying to take a picture he got a very serious look on his face.  His EA leaned in and whispered "quiiiiiiiiet" to him in a silly voice and he beamed at her and gave me the smile I was looking for.  I told her "that's wonderful! You already have your own games with Max!".  She smiled back at me, and I could tell that she's starting to fall for him.  It was only a matter of time.

social skills 101.

I am used to people liking me. I am used to people being polite and making nice. I am used to people making eye contact with me and acknowledging that I am standing in front of them. Especially if they are, oh, I don’t know, speaking to me and giving me instructions.

Turns out not everyone likes me. Not everyone is polite and makes nice. Some people don’t go to the trouble of making eye contact. Those same people are seemingly unable to differentiate between adults and children when they impart instructions.

Now I remember why I hated public school.

This morning, I was late dropping Max off at school. The reason was that he had a super messy bm and ended up needing a bath. Then Cam threw one of her super amazing tantrums and it was all downhill from there. I put earplugs in to muffle the sound of her shrieking all the way to daycare. Mom of the year, right here.

At Max’s school, when you drop your child off late, you have to sign them in at the front office. Makes sense, they have already taken attendance, they need to have all the children accounted for, I get it. So, off Max and I go, I fill out the purple slip and the attendance book as required and then wait for the administrative person behind the counter to sign it. Apparently she was on the phone with Scott confirming whether or not Max would be attending school today.

She approached the counter, handed me a magnet with the school’s contact information printed on it, the attendance phone number underlined in blue pen telling me "your husband asked that I give this to you". She signed the purple slip for Max, made a comment about us needing to call in if Max was going to be late, and walked away. She didn’t even look at me. Not once.  If she hadn’t signed the late slip and pushed it back across the counter at me, I wouldn’t have even known she was attempting to interact with me. Huh.

I walked Max to his room, dropped him off, and asked his EA and JK teacher what the name of the woman with the brown hair in the front office was. “Cindy”, they responded. It wasn’t really Cindy, but lets pretend it was. I said, “oh thanks, I am going to go introduce myself”.

I walked back to the front office, approached the front counter, and stuck out my hand, looking right at her. It took her a moment to realize what I was doing. Whoa - crazy - someone trying to interact! She met my eyes hesitantly, and shook my hand.

“Hi. Cindy? I’m Katrina, I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Max’s mom.” She looked at me blankly, so I continued. “Max has a diagnosis of Autism. Some mornings are really hard. In fact, you likely have no idea what we go through in a morning”.

“I understand that, but I’m very busy and the procedure is that you call to inform us….blah blah blah fishcakes” she said.

“Yes, in future I will do so. I appreciate that you are busy, and I understand it’s a total pain in the ass for you to have to call my house. I get it. And in a perfect world, I would have him outside of his classroom lined up with all his classmates 5 minutes before the bell rings every day. That's our goal every morning and we really do our best”.

At this point, the vice principal, who had been listening in from the safe distance of the photocopier stepped up and said “would it work better if we assume Max will be here unless you call?”, to which I replied, “Yes. If I don’t call, he’s coming”. She then did that thing that makes me NUTS and actually ushered me out of the office by placing her hand on the back of my arm, turning me around and walking with me to the office door. I hate that. A lot. It’s completely condescending, an intrusion of personal space, and without verbalizing it, she basically said, “get the hell out, we’re done talking with you”.

I walked out to my car, and thought to myself, this, right here, is why I hated public school so much. The people who work there talk down to you, regardless of whether you are a child or an adult. And really, the condescending tone is not appropriate for kids or adults.  It’s a crappy way of extolling the limited power you have and it’s a poor way of communicating.

When did it become okay to treat people like they don’t matter, that they are an inconvenience and not even worth looking at? And how did me introducing myself make me the person causing a scene? Unreal.

how many adults does it take to screw in a light bulb with autism?

Eleven. That’s how many.

I sat in a room this morning with ten other adults and talked about my son for 90 minutes. It was really hard. His teachers and EAs are frustrated with him. I get it. When he isn’t happy, nobody is happy. When he tests you, it makes you want to pull your hair out. Add to that they have a bunch of school board rules about not being able to hug and tickle and even restrain him and wow, you have a recipe for disaster. Also, they don’t love Max yet, and he doesn’t love them yet either. Oh yeah, while you’re at it, throw 16 other kids in the mix and their parents too.

What blew my mind as we sat there – all eleven of us (me, his JK teacher, his ECE teacher, 2 EAs, the school principal, the head of the Halton District Autism Team, the Autism Team SLP, the SERT (Special Education Resource Teacher), his Resource Consultant from the Municipality and his Senior IBI Therapist, was that this little guy is truly brilliant. It takes eleven adults to figure out how to manage a single 4 year old boy. Score one for Max. I’d be impressed if I weren’t so busy putting on my happy/collaborative game face when on the inside I’m having an anxiety attack.

So how do we get Max’s behaviour under control so that everyone can be happy? We go back to the ABC’s of behaviour therapy and remember that there is a function to every behaviour.

What is Max getting out of:

• Wandering around the room aimlessly?
• Climbing?
• Refusing to go to the bathroom?
• Screaming when he doesn’t want to do something?
• Throwing?
• Biting?

As the person who knows Max best, I’d say that:

1. We have rocked his universe by pulling him out of daycare where he was comfortable and knew the score and put him in a brand new environment where everything is new and unfamiliar.
2. This environment is much bigger, has a lot more children, and 4 new teachers. He literally does not know what do with himself. From a sensory perspective, the room is too big, and he is having trouble figuring out how he fits into it. So he wanders.
3. He doesn’t know the adults in the room and what their boundaries are. So he tests by doing things that he knows will get a reaction. Every time you tell him “no” or “don’t do xyz” or try to block him he makes a mental note that he should do that again! The reaction is key. If you only react when he is doing something you don’t like, that is what he remembers. It’s so hard to give proactive positive reinforcement instead of reactionary negative reinforcement. But he doesn’t understand the difference between someone being super happy and excited vs. someone being frustrated and super pissed off. They are both big reactions = thumbs up in Max’s books.
4. He is refusing to go to the bathroom because it is the one thing he feels like he can control in his little world. Also, he has never peed on this particular toilet. It’s different. I get that.
5. Screaming/throwing/biting – are all a surefire way to tell you that he is not happy.

In a funny way, Max is really the only one successfully communicating in this situation.

In the end, we agreed that we need some tools to motivate Max. We need to provide him with visuals so that he knows what is coming up next. We need to create a space for him where he can go to feel safe and secure. We need to address his sensory issues with the room because if he is feeling out of sorts, it doesn’t matter what we do, it won’t work.

For my part, I am putting together a bin of toys Max likes that he can keep at school to use as motivators. As we speak, my father-in-law is going to Ikea to get him the chair he loved at his last daycare to sit in where he can rock safely. Tomorrow I will bring all of this and his weighted blanket, and headphones and a discman with music he likes. I’m also going to start sending a flipcam with him every day so that they can record behaviours for me to see so I can give them suggestions on how to manage them. I’m bending over backwards to play ball because I need to them to know that my son is worth it. He is amazing. He is probably way smarter than any of the other kids in his class. And while he may not know how to behave right now, with our help, he will figure it out and then he will be the best behaved child in the class, bar none. But we’re not there yet. They don’t love him yet. So my heart breaks a bit every day when I drop him off, praying that today will be the day that things click for him. And then maybe he will start to grow on them.

I just need them to hang in there with me and Max while we get him settled. He is SO worth it.

litterless lunch.

Friday night is always met with a sigh of relief by me, and probably not for the reasons you think.  Sure, not having to get up at 6a.m. and hustle everyone out the door to do multiple kiddo drop-offs and then get myself to work is a nice.  But what I'm really happy about is that I don't have to make Max's lunch and snacks for the next morning.  As you can see, Max is a kid who can eat.  Gone are the days of a pb sandwich, apple, carton of milk and a chocolate chip cookie.  This kid loves fruit, vegetables, salty snacks and milk.  Add to that he has a nutrition break, lunch, and a snack in the afternoon that all need to be provided for and I have my work cut out for me.  Today alone I sent him to school with blueberries, pineapple, watermelon, celery, tomatoes, a ham sandwich, chips, cheese rice cakes, 2 cheese sticks, and 2 containers of milk.  It's no wonder he has two lunch boxes (each with their own freezer pack).  And it gets better.

Max's school is super green.  They have an Eco Team.  Trash bins are hard to find.  Every room has tonnes of recycling and compost bins.  And best of all, parents are told to send their children with a "litterless" lunch.  I think this is terrific.  I don't mind using reusable containers for Max's lunch.  I will admit that it feels a little ridiculous though, when I'm removing cheese sticks from their wrappers and putting them in a container just so it can appear that we are truly "litterless".  There is also the matter of needing to label every lid and container bottom to ensure that what Max is sent to school with is returned home at the end of the day.  You all know that I'm an honourary Mabel's girl at heart, so it shouldn't surprise you to see Max's name clear as day on everything that he leaves the house with.  My only hope out of all of this is that Mabel's Labels is getting mad business out of all these new programs that are attempting to put the folks at ziplock out of business (and no I'm not getting paid to write this post).  I just dig their stuff!

The silver lining is that Monday is the beginning of the milk program at Max's school, so I will have one less thing to pack!  Gotta take joy in the small things, right?

jk is a-okay. i think.

Today was day #2 of Junior Kindergarten and Max's last day of day care.  That's a lot of change for a little boy (and his mom).   Max is doing really well, all things considered (and I'm hanging in - thanks for asking).  Once again, I am blown away by "Team Max" - current members and new members alike.  Max's resource consultant, Liz, whipped together a social story ("Max's New School") - with pictures of every aspect of his day and all of his teachers.  She did this yesterday afternoon and delivered it to his daycare so I would have it for him that night.  Simply amazing.

Max's favourite therapist, Sarah, accompanied Max on his second jk visit today.  He was THRILLED to see her, and I was relieved knowing she was there to help him cope with this new experience.  She was also able to give Max's EA the 411 on all things "Max" (including how to deal with the huge meltdown he had for the first 45 minutes).  While I know it will take Max several weeks to settle in, I really think he is going to love it once he learns the routine and gets familiar with everyone.  Sarah will be with him for the first hour tomorrow, and next week if he needs it.  I couldn't ask more of his teachers and his EA's - they are all working really hard to make this a positive experience for everyone.

Another hard part about all of this is that Max is no longer attending daycare (today was his last day).  He really loved it there, and his teachers Eva and Nicky were a key part of that.  When Super Bumpa picked Max up today Eva wouldn't let Max go until she gave him a big hug.  And then Max wouldn't let go of her when it was time to leave.  As a parent you hope that the people caring for your children will at the very least like your kids and be nice of them.  When they love your kids, that is magic.  We are blessed to have found a place for Max where he was embraced and accepted, not only by his teachers, but all of the staff and his classmates too.  Cameron still attends this daycare so we have promised to bring Max back for visits so Eva doesn't go into hug withdrawal.

The hardest part for me in all of this is seeing Max through the eyes of people who don't know him yet, who haven't fallen in love with him.  They don't yet understand that even though he doesn't have the vocabulary of his peers and needs a lot of support, he is funny and charming and super smart.  He takes so much in with those big blue eyes, and he looks right into your soul when he locks his gaze with yours.  I am looking forward to watching his new teachers get to know Max.  I doubt it will be long before he has them under his spell.

Max's 1st Day of Junior Kindergarten.

Today is Max’s first day of junior kindergarten and I am FREAKING OUT.  I haven’t slept well the last two nights.  I mean, I think I am "acting" calm, cool and collected...but inside I am FREAKING OUT.  Can you do both? 

In actuality, today is not really Max’s first full day of jk.  We are only meeting for a half hour with his teacher (conveniently timed smack dab in the middle of the day = me taking a vacation day).  His resource consultant will also be there.  It’s basically a meeting for the teacher to meet Max, find out a bit about him, give him a chance to get familiar with her, and for me to FREAK OUT.

Max will have a dedicated EA (educational assistant) whenever he is at school (which will only be in the mornings), so I’m hoping that I get to meet the two people that will be working with Max.  I’m sure it will all be fine, right?  So much work has been put in to get to this day.  Not just working with the school board to get Max into a school where he could have a real jk experience that will work from a scheduling perspective with his IBI program.  I'm talking about years of work.  Years of music and speech and occupational and behaviour therapy.  And day camps, daycares (good and bad), toilet training (still in progress) and practicing coping with different settings and situations. I was there for all of it, or I had some form of control regarding who would be in contact with Max.  This is different.  I’m giving up some of my control.  I’m having to trust other people with Max’s care.  And I’m FREAKING OUT. 

I hope I manage to come off like a nice, stable, balanced mom today.  I’m told I usually show well so it will probably be okay.  But really, I’m FREAKING OUT.  Good thing Max's new teacher reads my blog, eh?

autism and junior kindergarten. are we ready for this jelly?

Max and Nicky (one of his super wonderful daycare teachers)

Max starts junior kindergarten next Wednesday. Seven sleeps until we take his little world, throw it up in the air and see where all the pieces land. Then we will all scramble around for a month trying to figure out who goes where and what’s that teacher’s name again and when does Max get picked up on what day and who’s picking him up and what’s that special ed teacher inferring and I don’t think I like that person’s attitude and bloody hell why isn’t Max sleeping through the night and why is his toilet training going sideways yet again?

Yeah, it’s going to be GREAT.

Starting junior kindergarten (jk) is a huge milestone for Max. It’s a necessary step in helping him learn how to socialize with new people, deal with new environments, and all that good stuff. But to say it will be very stressful on all involved is putting it mildly.

As parents, it scares Scott and me to death. It’s the first step to putting Max out in the big scary world where we can’t control every little aspect of who interacts with him and what he is exposed to. Granted, there will be many people working with Max to ensure he is safe and happy (familiar faces along with new faces). I suspect Max will probably handle it better than we do.

His new teachers are going to have to figure out how they are going to run their program which is streamlined for neurotypical kids while also finding a way to include Max. This is always a challenge because it will take Max a while to learn their new routine, and it will take them a while to learn the ins and outs of Max – what he loves and what upsets him.

Many of the kids in his room will be away from their moms and dads for the first time, and for all of them it will be a new world with foreign expectations. Add to that the kid named Max who doesn’t talk much and doesn’t act like the rest of them and why does he always leave right after lunch? And why does he get so upset when the lights get turned off or when he gets the least bit wet? Why does he have his own teacher with him all the time?

Max is going to feel overwhelmed and exhausted as he has to work twice as hard to self-acclimate in this completely new environment.  The majority of the faces will be unfamiliar, the kindergarten room is huge, the outdoor play area is a great wide open space, and the number of kids in the room will be double what he is used to. If you have ever travelled somewhere new where you don’t speak the language and you feel lost in your surroundings you have a hint at how Max will feel. Except you can look up the words you need to know in a translation book and figure out where you need to go with a map. Max doesn’t necessarily have those tools at his disposal yet. And while he may not be able to articulate that he misses the daycare and the teachers he is used to, I suspect that deep down he will be confused as to why only his sister Cameron is getting dropped off at the daycare he loves so much and now he is getting taken to this new place.

So, I guess we better all eat our wheaties over the next while. I am going with the “take it a day at a time” mantra in the hopes that this helps me not completely lose it over every lost lunchbox, parent permission form and milk money demands. Giddyup.

Max is Registered For JK.

And then I barfed.

Wait. Let's back up a bit.

I was supposed to register Max for JK back in February. While I wish I was "just kidding", JK actually stands for Junior Kindergarten. In our public school system. I'm not sure when my baby turned into a boy on me, but here we are and once again I am faced with making really important decisions on Max's behalf.

I called the school in our neighbourhood and spoke with a very nice woman about our unique situation. Much to my surprise, she didn't cringe when I told her Max has Autism. In fact, there was a process set up for her to follow, and the school has a little boy with Autism in their Senior Kindergarten class this year. They were even making accommodations for this child from a scheduling perspective (a relief for me considering Max is in therapy every afternoon). All I needed to do was come in and fill out some forms, bring copies of birth certificates and property tax statements to get him "officially" registered to start this September. No biggie. The Special Education teacher called that afternoon and introduced herself. The ball was rolling.

It took me 2 months to go in and fill in the paperwork. And when I finally did it, I somehow "managed" to forget to bring all of that important documentation they required. I didn't return with that paperwork for another 3 weeks (and 2 calls and an email reminder from the school admin). After officially enrolling Max in Junior Kindergarten, I came home, felt light headed and went into my bathroom.

And then I barfed.

So here we are where we started.

The Special Education teacher is observing Max at daycare with a member of the Halton Autism team next Wednesday. They need to determine what his needs are and how they can best support him in the classroom. He will definitely require a dedicated EA (Education Assistant). At this point I'm not sure what other resources will be made available to him.

This is really happening and I couldn't be more stressed out about it. I know that if we decide Max isn't ready we aren't tied down to having him go to JK. I know that Max has shown me he can handle a surprising number of new situations, that he actually thrives when he is around other children.

But this is the real world, with real kids and adults that won't necessarily understand Max. Sure there will be people in place to watch out for him. It still scares me. It is a reminder that I can't protect him forever (like in this picture back in June 2009). I want to be able to shelter him from mean kids and ignorant adults. I want to keep him safe. But I don't want to hold him back.

Max deserves a chance to show us what he can do. Many people believe children with Autism should not be integrated into the public school system. They think they should be kept in environments that cater 100% to their needs. I get that. Many children with Autism are not able to function in an integrated environment. I think it's worth a shot though. We just have to be okay with backing out if it isn't what is best for Max. At the end of the day, that is all that matters.