Thursday, July 29, 2010

Run For Your Life.

We got a treadmill last week. Cancelled the gym membership we weren’t using with the hope that being able to work out at home would encourage us to do just that. I like being able to run on a treadmill at home. It’s private, there are no mirrors showing you what’s jiggling that shouldn’t be, and you control the music. There is no need to wear headphones, so I’m unencumbered by stuff. Just me and my shoes, my favourite tunes pumping, keeping me motivated to push through when I start to tire.

I have run every day this past week. The first day I managed 25 minutes. A week later I’m up to 40. I’m not sure where the energy comes from. I think what I’m really doing is funneling my anxiety into my feet. Running seems to be the only way to calm my nerves, work through the erratic thoughts bouncing around in my brain. I actually look forward to getting home so I can find some relief from feeling like I am going to jump out of my skin and climb the walls. It’s only once I’m soaked with sweat and completely exhausted that I am able to actually sit and feel calm, maybe even - dare I say - relaxed.

In the past I have mostly run for physical fitness and to lose weight. This time it’s completely different – I’m running for my mental health. A friend of mine told me he finds running really boring and repetitive – but that is the very reason I like it. There is no thinking involved – just one foot in front of the other. Suddenly the things that have been stressing me out float away or seem to line up in a way I can sort through them without feeling overwhelmed. Everything is not so big, not so bad. It will be okay. It will be okay. One foot in front of the other grasshopper.

2 comments:

  1. Hurray for Running. Soon you will be pounding pavements and trails and measuring your calf muscle diameter.

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  2. Vanessa2:54 AM

    I always felt that way about practicing scales & hanons. It's interesting enough to keep part of your brain occupied so that the rest of your mind can fly off to all sorts of places without thinking too hard/stressing about anything ... not nearly as good for fitness/cardio as running though ;)

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