
We've made it through our first week as a family of three and lived to tell about it. So far so good, I think anyway. The toughest part is probably getting sleep in small increments when you can instead of big blocks. Funny, even when I'm tired and it's 4am and Max is wide awake, I am happy. I am just trying to drink it all in - I feel like he's growing so fast and I might miss something.
We have mastered the art of changing poopy diapers, gotten peed on several times, become experts at doing many things with only one free hand and managed to shower every day except for one. The thing that has been the toughest for me is the breastfeeding. Apparently women that are fair skinned have the most sensitive skin and I can attest to that. Max is a good eater, and oh my goodness he has worked me raw. I am doing my best to work through it, making sure he is getting a good latch, that I am positioning him right, airing the "sisters" out when I get a chance (quite a sight really), and applying Purelan and glycerin pads between feedings. But still, holy shit, when you have a little boy eating for 40 minutes a go every 2 - 3 hours, it is hard to heal. I love that he is gaining weight and filling out like a champ and that is what makes it worth it, but don't kid, breastfeeding is hard.

Now that things have settled down, it's interesting to observe my hormones come into play. The day Max was born, I didn't cry. Scott cried, Jennifer cried, but I think I was too "medicated" and likely in shock/overwhelmed to let go. So, on Sunday night, I was up in our bedroom holding Max in my arms, just looking at his beautiful face and out of nowhere I started bawling. It wasn't an ugly cry, but it was a good one nonetheless. All of a sudden I felt the responsibility to protect him from the world, and saw his vulnerability, how it really is all on me to make sure he is okay, and that even when I think it isn't possible, I have more love in my heart for him. I want so badly to be a good mom, and there is so much to learn. I hope he is patient with me, I'm definitely a work in progress.