Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Olga Kaersvang - 1920 to 2005.

My Grandmother, Olga Kaersvang, passed away on May 30th. She was 85 years old. While 85 years is a pretty good run at it, I am still sad. She was a special lady - a mother of 6 children! She moved her family to Canada from Denmark in the 1960's so they could have a better life but returned to Denmark before I was born due to my Grandfather's poor health. This is a picture of her and me in the summer of 1982.

She had a lovely lilting accent when she spoke English (or what we called "Danglish") and she never quite mastered the use of pronouns (but I'm not throwing stones because I do not speak a word of Danish). The card she sent when I was born read:

"Little Darling Baby. Im so happy about you ariving ind our family. I wel be seeing you sun, so be good. Bedstemor" She also sent one to my dad. It read "Tank you for the telegram. i am happy for our little Katrina. (Our was underlined twice.) Take good care of hir and the darling Mother of Katrina." It was addressed to him as "To my son and new happy Father."

My dad is flying to Denmark tonight for her funeral. Rest in peace Grandma.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Good weave, bad attitude.

Beyonce has a good weave, her dad has a bad attitude
Yesterday afternoon Scott and I headed downtown to my friend/coworker Adam's place in High Park for a potluck dinner party. Also in attendance were Christopherr, Lulu, Lulu's sister Tuctic, Karem, and her partner Irving. Not to be forgotten, Adam's lovely cat Speck.

We presented ourselves at 5:30, as per the invitation (this was a classy event), potato soup and mixed greens salad as our offerings. Karem and her super cool partner Irving were already there so after we unloaded the food and wine, we caught up on the latest news and gossip and took a tour of Adam's sweet pad. The first bottle of wine was soon opened and finished...not long after Lulu, Chris and her sister appeared with more food, and more wine.

Bottle of wines #2, #3, and #4 somehow disappeared over a sophisticated cheese plate and fresh bread and Karem's mom's top secret Chilean dip (not sure how to describe it...something like salsa, but less tomato, more kick, and a million times better). As I started heating the potato soup and chopping up the tomatoes and avocado for the salad, I saw the lone bottle of red sitting on the counter. Could it be? Surely not! One bottle of wine left for dinner and 8 people? With the richness of the food, the wine was flowing freely. Action must be taken to rectify this.

Scott and Irving were sent on a wine mission to the LCBO. They did not disappoint, reappearing within 20 minutes with 5 or 6 more bottles of wine. Dinner was served, bottles #5 - #8 were enjoyed over Adam's incredible home baked bread, my potato soup (recipe c/o the Domestic Goddess), mixed green salad, savory roast chicken and root vegetables. We wisely decided to take a break between dinner and dessert and went outside for more conversation and to polish off what was left in our wine glasses. I think that Adam and Irving may have been a bit scandalized by the drunken ladies in their midst. I know Scott and Christopherr are used to our antics, so they remained unphased.

When Adam's neighbour slammed her window shut, we took the hint and went inside. A fine dinner is not complete without dessert, and Karem blew the doors off with her Tiramisu made with 7-year-old rum. She kept threatening to make it with less rum next time...blasphemy! I'm not sure what my favourite part of the evening was, but it was a lot of fun. Scott, designated driver for the evening, steered me towards the car at 1am. I don't know where the evening went, but good times and food were had by all. I am also very thankful that Adam sent us all home with the leftover bread he made as it aided in my recovery efforts today (excellent soaker upper of all of that wine in my system!).

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Pocket Aces on American Idol.

So before I forget - did you see the top 10 idol contestants in the audience? Was it just me or is Jessica Sierra preggers? Also, what did Anwar do to his hair? Boy I have missed Nadia and I sure didn't miss Mikalah (you aren't fooling anyone with that blonde hair missy!).

One thing I will never understand about American Idol is why they move away from their formula of success on the last show. What people connect with is hearing songs they know sung by singers they either like or loathe. I understand that these noname songs may or may not be the winner's first single, but nobody knows them, not even the judges like them, and they are always, without fail, shitty ballads that have no shelf life. Does anyone remember Kelly Clarkson's first single? Yeah, me neither. Let's dive in.

Round 1 - The flop.

Bo Bice - "The Long, Lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng Road" (OPS*)
Have I mentioned yet that I hate it when they make the finalists learn these weak ass "originals"? They are always ballads, the singers always sing them really tentatively because they are so fearful they will forget the words, and they are always, without fail in the wrong key for the singer. Add to that gratuitous key changes, an unnecessary choir, and songs that are more than two octaves in range and you have a disaster waiting to happen. WILL THEY NEVER LEARN? In addition, after singing for like a million weeks straight, days of rehearsals, and the stress of it all, the finalists sound exhausted and Bo was no exception. He was lucky if he only sang half of the notes in that song flat and got half of them in tune (and those were flukes). Especially weird was that the judges were critical of Bo's song "choice". Ummm...what did he have to choose from? I'm willing to bet that OPS* was the best of the pile.

Carrie Underwood - "Inside Yer Heaven" (OPS*)
Continuing on the theme of "You can spray paint a turd gold but it's still a turd", Carrie got stuck with yet another OPS*. She sounded like she was sight singing at a church choir rehearsal. WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME? And for the second time this night we were inflicted with a badly written key change that made her sound like a yelping baby seal. Note to the American Idol song writers - the American National Anthem isn't even 2 octaves - why, oh why do you "compose" (and I use that word loosely) these pieces of tripe with unreasonable ranges that force these singers into the stratosphere? Did anyone else notice that Carrie was noticeably shinier by the end of that song? Somebody get that girl some face powder.

Round 1 Results - Zero/Zero Draw (hence the "flop")

Round 2 - the turn.

Bo Bice - Vehicle (Singer's choice of song from previous week)
I think I missed the "70's week" when Bo sang this. While everyone is enjoying is performance they are totally missing how forced his voice sounds and how worn out he looks. I suppose I should just be glad he didn't sing acapella. And big surprise, the judges are kissing his ass again. Enough already!

Carrie Underwood - Independence Day (Singer's choice...)
If that first song made you doubt that Carrie can sing, this song was a strong reminder that not only can she sing hella good, she is going to sell a lot of albums and make someone a lot of money (not her, with that shitty contract she's going to be forced into). The last note was wicked flat, but as I said before, at this point in the competition both the singers are lucky they can even speak let alone belt out three songs in one night. Interesting how the judges told her she should be "proud at how far she came" and once again, Simon is the only one who can actually hear what the tv audience is hearing at home.

Round 2 Results - Bo wins (getting better...)

Round 3 - the river.
Bo Bice - "Inside Yer Heaven" (OPS*)
Dude is ready to be done with singing these cheesy power(ish) ballads already. This was one half-assed, half-hearted, rendition, but I can't even blame him. He's holding onto that mic stand like it is his security blanket. Bo's singing was so mechanical on this song that I think he was emoting to the teleprompter. He sounded like raw meat by the end and I do believe that Randy is fucking deaf. How can you say that this was any better than Carrie's version?? The only reason you like it any better this time is that you have had the benefit of already hearing it before since she had to sing it first, DAWG!

Carrie Underwood - "Angels Brought Me Here" (OPS*)
Big shocker, another ballad, and more choir. This was likely the least shitty of the OPS* songs sung tonight. Like Bo, Carrie's voice was shot by the end, but she pulled through (even though she looked like her face was going to crack). Her voice broke on the last note which was unfortunate (not the last thing you want America to hear before they head to the phones). Once again, the Randy and Paula were super patronizing, and Simon aptly pointed out that Bo is much older and has a lot more experience, but she could still win.

Round 3 Results - Carrie wins (are those tears I see?)

So, that's Round 1 as a draw, Round 2 to Bo, and Round 3 to Carrie. Bottom line is that both of these guys can sing, though Carrie is likely the better actual singer of the two. Bo is a better performer though, and he has that whole sexy rocker thing going for him. The other thing is that there has never been a white male American Idol and I am sure America can't have that! My prediction is that...Bo will win by a "fairly" close margin, but it wouldn't break my heart if I was wrong. Regardless, between now and tomorrow these two need to take a vow of silence, wrap their tired throats in scarves and drink gallons of green tea. Dr.Feline's orders!

*OPS = Original piece of shit

Sunday, May 22, 2005

We'll always have Paris.

Fishstick Hilton at Much Music in TorontoThere's something about May 2-4 weekend that is magical. The obvious thing about it is getting that extra day off, which doesn't suck at all. Then there is the weather, which usually comes together for at least a few nice days of sunshine. And it is always, bar none, social. We kicked off this weekend on Friday night with a visit from my bestfriend Jennifer. She appeared on our doorstep at 11pm - I was passed out on the couch (long day, beer + wine) and Scott was watching basketball. We chatted and fed Jennifer beer until about 1am and then called it a night. Saturday was pretty chilled out, though we did go to H&M and buy many stylish and relatively inexpensive items of clothing. I keep telling myself that the fact that my new linen kulottes were made in Cambodia and my sweet ass corduroy jacket was made in Bangladesh does not mean that H&M is taking advantage of cheap 3rd world labour, but who am I kidding?

Saturday night found us at the Rivoli for our friend Alex's 30th birthday party. We got to catch up with a bunch of friends we haven't seen in a while and as always the case with Alex, we met some interesting new people as well. Of particular note was Alex's friend "Alex". Hereby referred to as "French Alex" (he's from Quebec) to avoid confusion. I think we talked for over 2 hours straight (everything from why I shouldn't feel sorry for Britney Spears to heavy duty male vs. female psyche stuff to recent developments in Canadian politics). I bring it up only because it is a rare occurrence to hit it off with someone like that when you just meet them, and enjoy a conversation to the point that you don't want to get up to pee (even though you really have to) because you are so engaged in the banter. Scott teased me about it later, but I think he was just happy that as designated driver I remained sufficiently entertained for the evening that I didn't want to leave at 11:30pm (lest I turn into a pumpkin). We parted ways with Alex (both of them) and company at about 1am when they decided it was time to go dancing and I decided I was far too sober and my feet hurt. Sunday = gardening and more beer + wine, Monday = chillax.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I'm addicted to you, but you know that you're toxic.

Britbot and the Dirtbag Opportunist
I am a little ashamed to admit it, but yes, I watched the premiere of the Britney & Kevin show last night. I believe I managed to clean up all of the brainmatter that dripped out my ears during that hour of my life that I will never get back. I'm not 100% on how I even feel about what I witnessed. I know I feel kind of sorry for her, because she is such a shell - an empty one at that. It makes her the perfect product pusher, whether the product is her (young, sexy, dumb, blonde) or diet coke, or sketchers, or whatever. It also makes her an incredibly shallow, boring, uneducated, vapid, clueless person. And now it has been laid out for all of us to see.

This is what we call massive airbrushing, or vaseline on the lenseWhat amazes me is that her handlers thought this was a good idea. How does knowing that Britney is essentially a desperate woman with no self-esteem or self-respect who just wants to "fuck all day" (her words, not mine) help her? At least with Nick and Jessica the production was of decent quality, and you got a good laugh at their interaction as a couple. I just felt terribly uncomfortable last night as I saw Britney fall for this player who is clearly only along for the ride. "Love is love" - that's fucking deep dude. She's so desperate that she married some guy who was willing to leave his girlfriend who was pregnant with their second kid. Wow, great catch there. It isn't that I think she is worth more, or deserves better, I'm just horrified that the "geniuses" that built her up are letting her expose herself in such an unflattering way. Who knows, maybe America will eat her up and love her even more for showing them her husband's ass and talking about favourite sexual positions for an entire hour. Now I understand why this is only a six episode series - how long can you stretch out pig faces and ground breaking confessionals like "I want to marry Brad Pitt" and "Eminem is brilliant"? Let's hope that baby of her fulfills her unsatiated need of being loved unconditionally. It will probably be the only being in this world that doesn't need her to be anything but who she is.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

And then there were three.

This week the final three contestants on American Idol had to sing three songs each - a Clive Davis pick, their own pick, and a judge's pick. This is the only week they had a celebrity judge this season, which was good, because all of the previous celebrity judges were full of shit and just happy someone was singing their tunes. Clive knows his stuff and gave good feedback, so I'm okay with him as a judge (better than Paula who thinks everyone is the cat's ass). Anyway, I think I managed to capture it all (3 pages of notes holmes!), so here we go:

Round 1: Clive Davis' pick

Vonzell Solomon - I'll Never Love This Way Again
Our girl started out a little pitchy and never really solidified the notes. I think she was just nervous, which affected her support, which made her sing a bit flat and with low energy. She also pulled a Mariah Carey by starting the song at 95% and then blowing the doors off and ending at 150% (way too much). Thing is, she also got stuck with a very difficult song (harder than Bo and Carrie's) and going first has got to be rough. I agree with Clive that you can't sing this song with a whimsical twinkle in your eye (but she can't help it 'cause she's just so damn cute!).

Bo Bice - Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me
Buddy started out SO STRONG. I was sitting there thinking, damn dude, you go! But as the song progressed, I felt like the arrangement went kind of Disney (what is with the synths and horn overkill?). Scott thinks he is overdoing it on the sunglasses...but he is kind of a rockstar, so I'll give him some slack. The judges are doing enough ball licking to please a neighbourhood of unneutered hounds (yes, we get it, you lurve him and you want him to win and you really believe he will win). Cripes almighty and there are still 7 more songs to go!

Carrie Underwood - Crying
In case you are wondering, she did the KD Lang version of the song and she sang it beautifully. This is probably the best vocal I have heard her do - she was believable and sincere. I don't agree with Clive and Simon that she should have done the octave jump at the end like Roy Orbison - they forget that he was a tenor - that may work in a guy's vocal range, but not in a woman's (not in that key anyway).

Round 1 Winner - Singing - Bo
Round 1 Winner - Performing - Bo

Round 2: Singer's pick

Vonzell Solomon - Chain of Fools
Baby V seemed a lot more comfortable singing this song. She worked the stage and sang a perfect vocal. I think most people don't get how hard that is to do because they usually hear studio recordings and "live" performances that are lipsynched. Don't kid yourself, Vonzell is a better singer than Beyonce or any other R&B singer her age who is currently on the charts. To sing this well, this consistently shows she has got the goods. I don't agree with Clive that she missed the "soulful essence" of the song, but whatev.

Bo Bice - Within A Dream
What a wanker. I totally hate it when singers get all full of themselves and decide to sing solo acapella. While it was certainly impactful, it would have been so much more musical if he had sang it with guitar or even just bass and drums. I don't think he ended in the same key he started and the ending kind of fell apart as well.

Carrie Underwood - Makin' Love Out of Nothing At All
Definitely the cheesiest song of the night - I think she was channeling Meatloaf...I am not sure what possessed her to pick this song - she certainly sang it powerfully. I didn't find it musical at all, but the judges liked it.

Round 2 Winner - Singing - Vonzell
Round 2 Winner - Performing - Bo (wank wank wank)

Round 3: Judge's pick

Vonzell Solomon - On the Radio (Simon)
I could watch Vonzell perform all night - she really is the most likeable contestant. This really is the type of music she should record. The transition from the beginning into the upbeat tempo was off, but otherwise, what's not to like?

Bo Bice - Satisfaction (Paula)
Scott and I are both tired of this song getting covered. What is with the cheesy porno/wedding song bass and Vegas horns? I think the band is punishing Bo for not using them in Round 2. He was so busy running around the stage that he didn't sing the "I can't get no" part of the song in tune - not even once. I am sure that the Stones are somewhere rolling their eyes...or is that a joint?

Carrie Underwood - Man I Feel Like a Woman (Randy)
This is a good song for her, but she sang it in the original key and it is too low for her. The band was way overpowering - which is too bad because I think for the most part she sang very well and had a lot of fun on stage.

Round 3 Winner - Singing - Carrie
Round 3 Winner - Performing - Bo

At this point in the competition there really aren't any bad singers left (except for the first season when that redhead rocker chick (Nicky?) made it into the top 3...that was a travesty). The judges are clearly rooting for Bo to win overall, and then Carrie in second place. I think Bo took the night overall (the best "Performer"), but Carrie is the best singer. Vonzell is the most likeable and one helluva a singer and therefore should not be discounted. American has been on the crack before, so it will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow.

Monday, May 16, 2005

'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

Christopherr V2.0
This is my friend and coworker Chris. Isn't he stylin'? Isn't his hair wicked? Check out those threads. We are currently working on the Christopherr (that's right, 3 R's) M. Style Guide. Not to worry, it will include everything from what product(s) to use in your hair, correct amount of cuff to be showing, how to primp one's collar, and most importantly, how to look oh-so-cool-as-a-cucumber when being photographed. See, he's mastered that, "alright, I guess I will allow you to photograph me if you must" look. Notice I look a little bit "special" in this picture...or is that starstruck (like, ohmygawd, my friends are never going to believe this, I must preserve this for prosperity)? The best thing about Chris is his walk. This man will hurry for nobody. One day as we were walking to my car, his girlfriend Lulu and I were chatting up a storm and I looked back, and there's Chris, 20 feet behind us, strollin'. I yelled "Chris, why you movin' so slow?" and he said something slick like "hey, when you look this good, you gotta move slow so everyone can check you out". Wiser words have never been spoken.
Christopherr V1.0 (aka dirtbag phase)
For those of you who feel completely hopeless, like, I will never look this stylin', there is hope. He didn't always look this good. No he did not. In fact, (and I ain't 'fraid to say it) for a while there, he looked like a complete dirtbag. See, the story goes that for years he shaved his head. Then one day, he stopped. Cold turkey, stopped. For four months he just let it grow and grow. Not one visit to the hairsalon to get it shaped, trimmed, nothing. He looked like a porcupine. He wore a baseball cap for months (not an ounce of product in his hair!). His porcupine head made him feel gross, so he started dressing like a dirtbag too. Sweats and t-shirts, ill-fitting jeans and grubby sneakers. I would look at him and ask "Chris, would please just get a haircut?" and he would shake his head stubbornly and chuckle (apparently looking like a dirtbag was funny to him). But that's Chris for you, a man of few words (most of the time), and a true diamond in the rough. Dirtbag to debonair, you saw it here first folks. And hands off ladies, he is spoken for - though feel free to comment and tell him just how fine he looks (it's good for his ego).

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Well, I thought you were a dick, so there's that.

A little weekend update before I hit the sheets...


Went to the salon and was made blonder and lovelier by my hairguy Dan. I'm not sure what the right term is for your hairguy these days? Hairdresser seems outdated, hairstylist just doesn't do him justice...hairguy it is. He knows how to do blonde up right, and he never takes too much off the ends. What more can you ask for? Well, for starters, I could ask the woman who brought her screaming 4 week old baby into the salon to either a) stay the fuck home with your baby or b) get a babysitter. For reals, yo. I go to the salon to get pampered, not to spend almost $200 listening to your kid show off how loud she can scream while you get your highlights done. I was like 2 seconds away from trying to outscream this kid when Dan begged me not to. And if hadn't of been for him, I swear, I would have taught that kid a new octave.

So, I get home and I don't feel so good. I had a headache (imagine that). Scott had poker plans, so I rented Garden State and bought assorted junk food and magazines. See, that's the deal. Scott goes out and plays poker and I spoil myself rotten. Seems to work well for both of us. Garden State was awesome, you must rent it (that's where the title quote it from). Like Adrianne, I would do away with them (titles) completely, but I can't, so I just use random entertaining shit. Other highlight of Saturday night was seeing Will Ferrell play cowbell when the Queens of the Stoneage played on SNL. Hah. Good stuff. More COWBELL!


Scott made me the best Scotty McMuffin - english muffin, $10 bacon, havarti cheese, and egg. Oh yes. It made my tummy sing. Then we went to Home Depot and the apathetic cashier chick only bothered to ring in half of our bags of dirt. Whatev...Home Depot supported Bush so we don't mind if we get some free dirtbags from the dirtbags. Then a fun afternoon of ripping out weeds and digging up stuff. Good times. Now, time to get ready for work...5 days until the long weekend and I get to see Jennifer! Woot! More drunken scrabble.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

27 hours of hard labour.

Brad, I mean Ben looks like a dirtbag and Jen looks like she is up the stump.That was the subject line of the last email from my friend Alana. She has promised to share her labour hell story with me next time we see each other. Can't wait. I'm not sure why I am so intrigued about labour stories. I am sure when the time comes for me I will elect to be as medicated as humanly possible (my preference is actually to be unconscious). I guess when having kids is a ways off, you kind of put all of that potential pain in a little box and push it to the side....like, oh, that's interesting...tell me about the part when your water broke again! My friend Stephanie's baby Charlotte separated Stephanie's pubic bone during delivery. Fucking ouch! I imagine that is why most mothers say things like "I put you on this earth and I can take you off". No kidding...kid already owes mom for 9 months + 27 hours of hard labour before they even make it home. Then there are the months of sleepless nights. Good thing they are cute, or they wouldn't last a week at home. Also good thing - human ability to forget physical pain over time. If we didn't have that going for us as a species we'd have a tough time keeping the world populated.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

One of these things is not like the other.

And I'm not talking about Vonzelle, so hush. We're down to the final four y'all (yeeeeeeehawwwwww). Since my bestfriend Jennifer is teaching tonight (and missing American Idol AND The Amazing Race), I thought the least I could do is give a detailed recap, so here we go:

Country Set:
Carrie Underwood - If this category didn't favour Carrie, I'll eat my hat. She sang a terrific version of "Sin Wagon" (by my favourite country band - The Dixie Chicks). What she lacks in personality (do you really buy that she's mattress dancin' with anyone?...well, maybe Bo...) she makes up in voice. What's up with the wardrobe - did she borrow that shirt from Bo?

Bo Bice - He should have knocked this out of the park, but it was really mediocre. I didn't even catch the name of the song...whatev, it's country, and it was "meh". I liked his hair though...looks like a stylist gave him some goo for those pesky flyaway hairs...

Vonzell Solomon - I knew something was up when she sang the whole damn song flat and without any kind of emotion...I figured she was just super bummed that they were making her sing a Trisha Yearwood song ("How Do I Live Without You") but I think that Paula was trying to earn her the sympathy vote by asking "are you feeling okay today?" to which Vonzell replied "It's been a really stressful day..." [floodgates/tears ensue]. Okay, now I feel bad for her...awhh...I gotta cut her some slack. I think there is something going on, maybe family related?

Anthony Federov - Nice jean jacket ensemble dude. Scott called it when he said "he's just aggressively average". I wish he would learn how to gesture with more than his right hand (there's a joke there that I'm going to leave be...). I think he has a great career ahead of him singing Disney movie songs...in Russian, on the extended feature dvd. The best is that when he finished, it was so clear that none of the judges like him. Me neither!

Phili Set:
Carrie Underwood - I think that Simon was right and that the arrangement of "If You Don't Know Me By Now" was pretty weak. Regardless, she had no flow, and she sang like she was worried she was going to forget the words. It is obvious to me that most weeks she has been singing songs that she has known for a long time and is really comfortable with (ie - Sin Wagon). Not the case here, but the band kind of threw her under the bus with that shitass rendition.

Bo Bice - Dude knocked it out of the park on this one. I was too excited about how awesome he was to write down what he sang...but he can rock out and sing blues better than anyone on this show...he definitely positioned himself as the one to beat tonight.

Vonzell Solomon - Her dad must have come back stage at the break and helped cheer her up, because while she wasn't her usual chipper self, she still sounded great on "Don't Leave Me This Way" (you go girl!). I don't think any of us doubt that she can sing hella good, just a matter of if her fans get off their asses and call in and vote for her.

Anthony Federov
- I am totally not cool with that fact that he and Carrie both sang "If You Don't Know Me By Now". Lots of songs to choose from guys - wtf? Also, he got a way better arrangement, so that is not cool either. Simon nailed it when he said this guy has "no soul". Word. And if you were wondering which of these things is not like the other - it's Anthony. The rest have talent...him, not so much.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Note to self on drinking beer in the sun.

Self, when you use gardening* in the sun for over two hours as an excuse to sit in thy neighbour's backyard and drink beers and maybe a (large) glass of wine (does it count if they force it on you and it is really expensive?) you may get a little dazed. Beer + wine + sun + gardening = one heck of a buzz**. Then, when you realize it is Sunday afternoon, and not only is your laundry not done, but you have no food for the upcoming week (gasp!) there is an important decision to be made:

a) Screw the food and the laundry - continue drinking away Mother's Day (hey - my Mom is in BC)
b) Grab the partially completed grocery list off the kitchen counter and get halfway to the grocery store before you realize that you are "totally buzzing dude!"

Anyway, domestic at heart, I chose b) and off I went to the grocery store. Hmmm...t-bone steaks...and one, no TWO bags of Neal Brother's cheese popcorn. Expensive cheese, 3 avocados in varying stages of ripeness (can one ever have enough?), forget staples like eggs and bread, and whoops - sorry about the milk with lactose Scott...

Staying true to my buzzing self, I packed the groceries into the trunk of my car and proceeded to SuuuuuuuusHI NIWA and ordered myself some takeout. I mean, groceries are nice and all, but you don't expect me to actually cook do you? After sucking back some green tea for about 10 minutes, my food was ready, so I drove home.

Note - a lot of you may be surprised to read that I was drinking beer. It isn't just any beer, it is Apricot Wheat beer from Ithaca...likely the only beer that I can consume large quantities of. And even though it is a beer with a fruit undertone, it is not nasty (Scott even likes it). So, if you are ever in the Fingerlakes area, pick me up a 2-4, will ya?

*gardening = ripping out weeds, digging up plants
**buzz not mean drunk or impaired, it means buzz

Drummers Make Bad Boyfriends.

Last Thursday night Scott, my dad, and I went to hear my good friend Vanessa Rodrigues play at The Rex. I met Vanessa nine summers ago at the Fine Arts Centre in Banff, Alberta. We spent 4 weeks as roommates during their International Jazz Workshop. I think we got paired up because we were the youngest people there. Vanessa was just finishing up highschool and she proceeded on to McGill and majored in Jazz. I was moving from Iowa to Toronto to go to U of T. Vanessa is one of those ridiculously talented musicians who just seeps music from her every pore. Getting to hear her play was a lot of fun because I had never heard her play organ before and I also haven't heard her in a few years.
Observations - she plays with balls - friggin' all out, unapologetic, in your face, eat it up and come back for more. It is so cool because here is this physically tiny person playing music like a monster. She was playing with Chris Gale (bari and tenor sax) and Davide DiRenzo (drums). They were clearly having a fabulous time playing with her, and they had the standing room only crowd at the Rex eating out of the palms of their hands.
Vanessa has a cd out - you should buy it (I bought one but she ran out of copies, so she is going to mail me an autographed version). She also has a listing of all of her upcoming shows, so if you ever in Montreal go check her out. I'll make sure I blog about her next Toronto performance in advance.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Katie dear, it just isn't worth it.

Chris Klein never gave me cold soresI think the stress from being a lying liar and pretending that she is dating Tom Cruise is getting to Katie Holmes. Their whole relationship just reeks of a scam cooked up by their agents (Brad & Jennifer anyone?). The funny thing is, even the media thinks it is a ploy for attention (yet they are still reporting on it and taking tons of pictures). If I were Katie's parents, I'd be all "Dude - you are 42 and she is 26. You nasty pervert, go lay your hands on someone else's daughter".

To make my point about how they are totally not even dating:
  • they both have movies coming out in the very near future (Batman Begins for her and War of the Worlds for him)
  • they had only been dating for 2 weeks before Tom was professing his love for her in the media
  • he won't admit how they met (because their entire "relationship" is contrived)
  • there are more pictures of them kissing in public than there are of JLo w/Puffy and Ben combined
  • she looks super uncomfortable in ALL of the pictures of them together (OMG - he is trying to stick his tongue in my mouth...AGAIN)
  • he really really really wants us to know that he is not gay
  • she really really really wants us all to know that she is a virgin and will stay that way until she is married
  • Tom has never been a big talker in terms of his relationships, failed or otherwise - why now? Huh?
  • She just broke off an engagement to Chris Klein (someone should tell him that this thing with Katie and Tom is not the real deal) - poor guy got caught driving drunk right after the news broke.
I am eating your soul and feeding to the Church of ScientologyAnyway, I kind of feel bad for Katie on this one. I got 2 cold sores last summer before our wedding (thankfully they cleared up before our big day) and they were totally due to stress. My recommendation to Katie is that she doesn't need to be a beard for Tom, and that once her movie is out, she should dump him and give a tell all interview to People magazine and say something nasty like he is a bad kisser and not too bright. Then she should call up Penelope, Nicole and Mimi and they can all get together and laugh about how short he is and what a small pecker he has. Hey - they don't call me fickle feline for nothing!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

You may have been a good smuggler, but now you're Bantha fodder.

American finally got it right and turfed that pompous fucker Scott Savol. I wanted to throw my beer at the TV screen when he started waddling towards the couch, praising the lord the whole way. You ass-hat. God has bigger problems than you (hard to believe, eh?). I'll give Anthony credit for knowing what's what and I loved the look on Scott Savol's face when Anthony whispered, "it isn't over, we aren't safe". At least he knows that their time is limited. He'll go next week, and he knows it. Happy Birthday dude - you're safe for now.

In my opinion, Carrie or Bo will win this thing. I think it is interesting how clear the psychographic split is with the final four:

Carrie Underwood - Country music fans all the way. Like Bo and Vonzelle, she has stayed true to her style throughout the competition, (Constantine's downfall).

Vonzell Solomon - R&B music fans all the way, plus the urban crowd. She reminds me of when Whitney first started her career (remember how nice and sincere and pure of heart she was?).

Bo Bice - Rock & Roll fans rejoice. I think it is pretty fabulous that he is a true rocker - drugs and all. He's the real deal, and should give Carrie some how-to-rock-the-mic-stand lessons.

Anthony Fedorov - Clay Aitken fans need something to listen to. Anthony looked like such a dirt bag in his jeans and t-shirt tonight. He'll have to pull off a miracle next week if he wants to stay in the competition.

On a final note, I think the group songs are extraordinarily awful. That rendition of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" made me angry. It was like they were running through it for the first time - and the part where the ladies sang together proved that just because you can sing as a soloist does not mean you have the ears to sing in harmony. This is why instrumentalists look down on singers and think they are dumb. I should start a petition or something...

I'm not feeling it, Dick.

Dear Dick Wolf,

When I first heard you were launching a fourth Law & Order show, I have to admit, I was wary. Then I heard that Lenny was going to be on it, and I thought, well, I'll give it a shot. Then Lenny died , and I thought, maybe not. To be fair, I had good intentions. I started taping it faithfully, every Friday night. Then one day, Scott said to me "Kat, are you actually going to watch these five Trial By Jury episodes you have taped, or can I erase them?". I got all possessive of my recorded shows and very defensive (how dare anyone even THINK about deleting shows that I recorded??). I conned Scott into watching the premiere episode with me. I believe I managed to stay awake until minute 32 (or whenever Bebe entered the show). And don't get me wrong Dick, I love me some Lillith. I just don't buy Bebe as an ADA. Can't do it. Also, the cops on Trial By Jury don't even qualify as decent HITG (Hey It's That Guy) material. How can you have Ice-T as a cop on SVU and expect me to tolerate some no frills actor?

So what do you decide to do Dick? You start tying this dung heap of a show to your really good shows. You make your main L&O show all Law and leave the Order for a "to be continued" - psyche! - on Trial By Jury. You fucker. I hate that shit. Then, to make matters worse, you pissed in your own soup - again! Last night's SVU (aka "Hottie and Sexy") was awesome. Some of the best guest appearances ever with Angela Lansbury and Alfred Molina. I had a bad feeling about it too, because I saw that Trial By Jury was scheduled right after SVU. So, ten minutes to the end, when nothing had been wrapped up and the SVU ADA just had the crap beaten out of her, I turned to Scott and said "you realize what is about to happen right? We are being FORCED to watch that terrible show Trial By Jury." But you know what, it wasn't so bad. And you want to know why it wasn't so bad? Because they used Hottie and Sexy from SVU on the Trial By Jury episode, with limited quantities of Bebe and the boring cop brigade.

But you aren't fooling me Dick. I will only tolerate this for so long. You aren't a bad person, you are just doing bad things. You raised the game with L&O by bringing on the Sopranos dude Michael Imperioli, I'll give you that. And hiring Chris Noth to work on Mr.Ridiculous next season is inspired. And Hottie and Sexy..well, since Sexy is getting a divorce on the show, I expect sparks to fly by next season. Just give up the ghost on Trial By Jury dude. It sucks and it is polluting the franchise.

thanks for listening,
Fickle Feline

ps - please take Elisabeth Röhm off of the Law & Order homepage . She's been gone for a while now and we all know that Annie Parisse could wipe the floor with her.
pps - please update the SVU site - the episode listing hasn't been updated since March 29th!

This is not my first post about Law & Order:
Hottie & Sexy | R.I.P. Lenny | Elisabeth Röhm | Chris Noth | Annie Parisse

Monday, May 02, 2005

Rule #62: A lady never changes her panties on the beach.

Oh Jenna. Did your dad never tell you that it is not proper to take off your underpants in public? I mean, if you aren't getting paid for it? And you are over the age of 2 years old (still in diapers)? I keep wondering to myself, why didn't you put your bottoms on when you put your top on (I am assuming in private, or else we'd have pictures of that too)? Regardless, Mondays consistently suck donkey bollocks, and today was maybe a bit worse as I may still be recovering from certain festivities already mentioned. But you made it better, you cheered me up. I love nothing better than silly stupid shit like this, I only wish that Usher or Clive Owen would also bare themselves like this with a shutterbug in their midst.

By the way - not sure if anyone mentioned this to you, but you are the fucking daughter of the President of the United States! That means you need to have some discretion...and you aren't fooling anyone with that white thong missy.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

30 is the new 20 - Part 3.

Wow. Just wow. A girl really couldn't ask for a better 30th birthday party - where to begin? First off, you know it was a good party when you wake up to find your dining room wall covered in vodka. We partied so hard last night (we went to bed at 5:30am), that it is just now that I managed to get my head together to blog about it. And as rough as I felt today, it was totally worth it.
This is my party shirt
We had quite the turnout too - my sister Haschmo came up from Ithaca, and let's see….how many people were crammed in our house last night? Just short of 30…Raye and Cathy have already blogged about it. Lulu did in fact drink gin & juice (and she wore these fabulous gold shoes!) and Stephanie and Shane brought Charlotte (and didn't even mind when I yanked her socks off so I could examine her toes). Our friends totally spoiled us with gifts (our wine collection has been restocked, we now have killer shot glasses, gift certificates to Best Buy, Home Depot and The Keg, cocktail glasses…a dinner invitation, a Dave Chappelle dvd, a book by Roald Dahl for Scott and a sparkly K necklace for me). Also, Jen M. made her killer cheesy garlic artichoke dip. I don’t know how we got so lucky to have such wonderful and generous friends - we certainly don't deserve them.
The Burlington Boys
Highlights include meeting Chris's new girlfriend, holding Charlotte (she is SO TINY!), getting kissed by many many people (it was a very amorous evening), the wonderful chocolate cake we bought from Dominion, standing in my kitchen full of lovely, smart, fabulous women, doing shots with Dave, lending my nalgene bottle to Lulu and Chris for their train ride home (it may have been filled with Coke and JD), a deep drunken discussion with Haschmo, and finding out that my friend Jen J. was also celebrating her 30th birthday (how we have known each other for almost 7 years and not known that we have the exact same birthday is baffling). I am told I also baked cinnamon buns at 4am (pronounced "cimmamum buns" in my less than sober state).

I'm going to need to rest up because we have 2 more birthday parties this month and even though we are all getting old, we still know how to have a good time!

PS - my mom and Scott spoiled me terribly - from my folks I got a new purse for spring with a coordinating pink wallet, the Incredibles dvd, and a cookbook. Scott got me a gold and diamond horseshoe necklace that I pointed out to him months ago. I am a lucky girl.