Friday, May 06, 2005

Katie dear, it just isn't worth it.

Chris Klein never gave me cold soresI think the stress from being a lying liar and pretending that she is dating Tom Cruise is getting to Katie Holmes. Their whole relationship just reeks of a scam cooked up by their agents (Brad & Jennifer anyone?). The funny thing is, even the media thinks it is a ploy for attention (yet they are still reporting on it and taking tons of pictures). If I were Katie's parents, I'd be all "Dude - you are 42 and she is 26. You nasty pervert, go lay your hands on someone else's daughter".

To make my point about how they are totally not even dating:
  • they both have movies coming out in the very near future (Batman Begins for her and War of the Worlds for him)
  • they had only been dating for 2 weeks before Tom was professing his love for her in the media
  • he won't admit how they met (because their entire "relationship" is contrived)
  • there are more pictures of them kissing in public than there are of JLo w/Puffy and Ben combined
  • she looks super uncomfortable in ALL of the pictures of them together (OMG - he is trying to stick his tongue in my mouth...AGAIN)
  • he really really really wants us to know that he is not gay
  • she really really really wants us all to know that she is a virgin and will stay that way until she is married
  • Tom has never been a big talker in terms of his relationships, failed or otherwise - why now? Huh?
  • She just broke off an engagement to Chris Klein (someone should tell him that this thing with Katie and Tom is not the real deal) - poor guy got caught driving drunk right after the news broke.
I am eating your soul and feeding to the Church of ScientologyAnyway, I kind of feel bad for Katie on this one. I got 2 cold sores last summer before our wedding (thankfully they cleared up before our big day) and they were totally due to stress. My recommendation to Katie is that she doesn't need to be a beard for Tom, and that once her movie is out, she should dump him and give a tell all interview to People magazine and say something nasty like he is a bad kisser and not too bright. Then she should call up Penelope, Nicole and Mimi and they can all get together and laugh about how short he is and what a small pecker he has. Hey - they don't call me fickle feline for nothing!

8 comments:

  1. I read that homegirl is saving "it" for marriage.

    Cool girl, in my books.

    Tom Cruise = NOT COOL. Yoikes. Why won't he just come out already? Will it ruin his career? I mean, he kissed Rosie O'Donnell and didn't gag. There's your proof.

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  2. If that chick is saving it for marriage she's going to have one hell of a disappointing wedding night. And I looked at all those pictures - do you not think it's super creepy the way he keeps GRABBING her entire head and forcing it towards him? You kiss women differently than men, Tom, less aggression.

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  3. "My recommendation to Katie is that she doesn't need to be a beard for Tom, and that once her movie is out, she should dump him and give a tell all interview to People magazine and say something nasty like he is a bad kisser and not too bright. Then she should call up Penelope, Nicole and Mimi and they can all get together and laugh about how short his is and what a small pecker he has. Hey - they don't call me fickle feline for nothing!"

    I pray for Scott.

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  4. Big N - if you are going to pray for Scott, there are better reasons than that.

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  5. lol.. thanks for saying it, I knew something was amiss there. I'm still pissed off about the whole Dawsons Creek Joey the WHORE ending up with Pacey but that's a different issue. This post also reminded me of a guy I "went out with" in high school who was super popular jock material and I innocently found out he had what we still refer to as a "thumb dick" and boy that sucker was no bigger than a thumb rock hard. Sad.

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  6. I wonder if he's got her down the path to Scientology yet.

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  7. Anonymous2:10 PM

    Ick. It is rather unsettling, the way in which Tom keeps grabbing Katie's head.

    And what's with the first picture? She's got some weird spots around her mouth. What has Tom done to her?

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  8. Totally agree. Gay as a whistle.

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