Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Pocket Aces on American Idol.

So before I forget - did you see the top 10 idol contestants in the audience? Was it just me or is Jessica Sierra preggers? Also, what did Anwar do to his hair? Boy I have missed Nadia and I sure didn't miss Mikalah (you aren't fooling anyone with that blonde hair missy!).

One thing I will never understand about American Idol is why they move away from their formula of success on the last show. What people connect with is hearing songs they know sung by singers they either like or loathe. I understand that these noname songs may or may not be the winner's first single, but nobody knows them, not even the judges like them, and they are always, without fail, shitty ballads that have no shelf life. Does anyone remember Kelly Clarkson's first single? Yeah, me neither. Let's dive in.

Round 1 - The flop.

Bo Bice - "The Long, Lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng Road" (OPS*)
Have I mentioned yet that I hate it when they make the finalists learn these weak ass "originals"? They are always ballads, the singers always sing them really tentatively because they are so fearful they will forget the words, and they are always, without fail in the wrong key for the singer. Add to that gratuitous key changes, an unnecessary choir, and songs that are more than two octaves in range and you have a disaster waiting to happen. WILL THEY NEVER LEARN? In addition, after singing for like a million weeks straight, days of rehearsals, and the stress of it all, the finalists sound exhausted and Bo was no exception. He was lucky if he only sang half of the notes in that song flat and got half of them in tune (and those were flukes). Especially weird was that the judges were critical of Bo's song "choice". Ummm...what did he have to choose from? I'm willing to bet that OPS* was the best of the pile.

Carrie Underwood - "Inside Yer Heaven" (OPS*)
Continuing on the theme of "You can spray paint a turd gold but it's still a turd", Carrie got stuck with yet another OPS*. She sounded like she was sight singing at a church choir rehearsal. WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME? And for the second time this night we were inflicted with a badly written key change that made her sound like a yelping baby seal. Note to the American Idol song writers - the American National Anthem isn't even 2 octaves - why, oh why do you "compose" (and I use that word loosely) these pieces of tripe with unreasonable ranges that force these singers into the stratosphere? Did anyone else notice that Carrie was noticeably shinier by the end of that song? Somebody get that girl some face powder.

Round 1 Results - Zero/Zero Draw (hence the "flop")

Round 2 - the turn.

Bo Bice - Vehicle (Singer's choice of song from previous week)
I think I missed the "70's week" when Bo sang this. While everyone is enjoying is performance they are totally missing how forced his voice sounds and how worn out he looks. I suppose I should just be glad he didn't sing acapella. And big surprise, the judges are kissing his ass again. Enough already!

Carrie Underwood - Independence Day (Singer's choice...)
If that first song made you doubt that Carrie can sing, this song was a strong reminder that not only can she sing hella good, she is going to sell a lot of albums and make someone a lot of money (not her, with that shitty contract she's going to be forced into). The last note was wicked flat, but as I said before, at this point in the competition both the singers are lucky they can even speak let alone belt out three songs in one night. Interesting how the judges told her she should be "proud at how far she came" and once again, Simon is the only one who can actually hear what the tv audience is hearing at home.

Round 2 Results - Bo wins (getting better...)

Round 3 - the river.
Bo Bice - "Inside Yer Heaven" (OPS*)
Dude is ready to be done with singing these cheesy power(ish) ballads already. This was one half-assed, half-hearted, rendition, but I can't even blame him. He's holding onto that mic stand like it is his security blanket. Bo's singing was so mechanical on this song that I think he was emoting to the teleprompter. He sounded like raw meat by the end and I do believe that Randy is fucking deaf. How can you say that this was any better than Carrie's version?? The only reason you like it any better this time is that you have had the benefit of already hearing it before since she had to sing it first, DAWG!

Carrie Underwood - "Angels Brought Me Here" (OPS*)
Big shocker, another ballad, and more choir. This was likely the least shitty of the OPS* songs sung tonight. Like Bo, Carrie's voice was shot by the end, but she pulled through (even though she looked like her face was going to crack). Her voice broke on the last note which was unfortunate (not the last thing you want America to hear before they head to the phones). Once again, the Randy and Paula were super patronizing, and Simon aptly pointed out that Bo is much older and has a lot more experience, but she could still win.

Round 3 Results - Carrie wins (are those tears I see?)

So, that's Round 1 as a draw, Round 2 to Bo, and Round 3 to Carrie. Bottom line is that both of these guys can sing, though Carrie is likely the better actual singer of the two. Bo is a better performer though, and he has that whole sexy rocker thing going for him. The other thing is that there has never been a white male American Idol and I am sure America can't have that! My prediction is that...Bo will win by a "fairly" close margin, but it wouldn't break my heart if I was wrong. Regardless, between now and tomorrow these two need to take a vow of silence, wrap their tired throats in scarves and drink gallons of green tea. Dr.Feline's orders!

*OPS = Original piece of shit

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:19 PM

    I thought the Long, Long Road song was very good, and the audience loved it too. I was shocked that the judges hated it. So after the show (since I watched it on tape) I rewound and listened to it against and still thought it was great. Somebody missed something if they think that was crap.

    As for Vehicle, I saw him do it before, and it was precisely the same. So that was like old home week, nothing to get too excited about.

    And Bo's last song -- in the mold of inspiring-type of songs, not the type of rockers he probably prefers -- still sounded right on, to me anyway.

    Carrie -- I don't care so much for country, that kind of wavering, dipping voice stuff. But she can really belt it out, especially where they go for the octave change, she never sounds like she's about to lose it.

    The very last note of the last song, indeed it sounded like she might become emotional or crack. But, hey, big deal at this point. Everyone loves her (essentially). But I like Bo more.

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  2. Hmm...well, I guess it is good to know that SOMEONE out there likes these songs. They certainly weren't marketing to me, that's for sure.

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  3. I don't know how the votes will turn out, but those original songs were definitely tailored for Carrie, especially the last one. Usually, the first single for the winner is something about their journey or how it feels to win ("A Moment Like This" - Kelly; "Flying Without Wings" - Ruben; "I Believe" - Fantasia). For some reason, Bo had no songs of this type last night (unless Long, Long Road was one, but I was too busy covering my ears to notice). So, I'm pretty sure the suits are pushing for Carrie to win (I'm guessing she will be easier to "mold" - CHA-CHING!).

    And I feel badly for Bo and hope he doesn't win, just because those stupid songs they gave him don't fit his style. If he does win, I'm sure he can expect more of this garbage, so it's better off if he doesn't win. (In a way, Carrie shouldn't win, either... I mean, Simon STILL doesn't like her country singing! What's wrong with him?)

    From now on, I think Randy should pick the original songs and be the producer. He seems to be more musically- than money-oriented, when it comes to AI singers.

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  4. And does anyone else think there's something going on between Anthony and Carrie. Or is it just me?

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  5. Too righ, Kat. Both the original songs were complete shit! What the hell were they thinking? Whoever wins will have their career shot to hell if they release either of these pieces of crap.

    BTW - Does anyone else think that "Inside Your Heaven" sounds like it should be the soundtrack to a bad porn movie?

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  6. The songs were poo poo. I am becoming increasingly embaressed for Bo standing up there and having to belt out this drivel. I think he was wearing slacks (!) last ngiht. For Gods sake, Bo doesn't wear slacks. Bo does coke, smokes pot, and screws girls.

    Carrie.. well as others have said, I hope she wins becuase she will certainly be easier to "mold" into the AI machine they want her to be.

    *sigh*

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  7. YEAH CARRIE! Woo Hoo!!! And I may even buy your cd :-)

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