Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The chicks hit the fan.

Sometimes it don't matter how purdy you are - just ask DaphnaMuch to my amazement, Dave N. was wearing a shirt again. According to his blog he has been sick though, so, we'll cut him some slack. Brooke looked a lot better tonight, leaving the gunny sack at home in exchange for a tight black halter top and oodles of silver chains.

On the "encore" tip, INXS asked Marty to sing Lithium again. I think he sang it better last night, but I am sure he was a little surprised to be singing tonight, so I'll be nice. At least he isn't a cocky so-and-so like J.D. Interesting how Brooke asked all the singers if they thought they would be in the bottom three. I wasn't looking that closely, but I noticed Jordis did not raise her hand. Lol - she is one confident woman, love it. Some of those guys who raised their hands were just trying to look modest.

Bottom 3: Jessica, Daphna, and Heather. WTF? WHERE IS BRANDON? HOW UNFAIR! While Jessica didn't offend me last night she certainly isn't anything special. Daphna blew big chunks last night (punk or not) and Heather, well, no surprise there really.

INXS "Save your ass" Covers:

Daphna - What You Need
I think she will forever more regret this pink babydoll wardrobe choice. I mean, pink babydoll...not very rock 'n roll. I thought this was a weird song for them to pick for her - they have been harping on her to sing songs that are more melodically challenging, and this certainly wasn't it. Funny that part of the band decided to play (how well can they actually hear when they are playing?). Definitely a better view of her butt though.

Heather - By My Side
Damn, she looked like she was barely breathing. Sullen, low energy - what the hell? The band put it best when they said it appeared she had already given up. She was better than last night, but so was the stale bagel I ate for breakfast.

Jessica - Elegantly Wasted
Another bad key for the ladies to sing in. I am surprised they don't have some of these songs arranged a third or fourth higher - seems obvious to me that they are going to have to do this on all of their songs if they pick a woman.

Given the heave ho: Heather and Daphna. I am not really shocked by this - I bet it will happen once more at least. There is a lot of dead weight up on that stage, and I doubt they still want to be doing this show 9 weeks from now. Also - woo hoo for Tara staying out of the bottom 3!

Rock 'n Roll is dead.

Brandon is HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE and he needs to pack his shit and GO HOME
In case you are wondering why the delay in posting this blog, it is because I needed a night's sleep to recover from that horrible spectacle of a show last night where a bunch of badly-dressed-clown-faced-craptastic-"singers" got up and embarrassed themselves. You know that when the highlight of the show is that Dave Navarro actually wore a shirt, and Brooke Burke wore a green potato sack with her kid's grade 1 macrame project around her neck that it is going to be the longest hour of your life. I should note that not ALL the singers where horrible, but most of them were downright bad or just "meh". I'll put a little * next to the singers that knocked it out of the park.
Hooray for boobies!

Jordis - Gimme Some Lovin'
This girl is just so cute and happy to be rockin', how can you not love her? I have to say I have yet to be blown away by her singing, but I think it may just be that her singing and energy don't translate across the airwaves. It doesn't really matter though because she has the look, and she can clearly sing. Also, INXS lurves her and I think she could go up on stage and pee in a bucket and they would still tell her how awesome she is.

Suzie - Superstition
I have this thing about white women singing Stevie Wonder. DON'T DO IT. She just ended up sounding like she was trying too hard. During her song I was picturing her as the singer in the lounge in Japan in that scene from "Lost In Translation" where Bill Murray has the clips holding the back of his jacket together, and the eyeliner, and he is all mooney eyed over Scarlett....I digress. The token harmonica playing at the end bit the big weenie...and yet, INXS liked her (either that or they want to boink her?).

Jessica - Because the Night
She started out very nice, subtle, even dare I say musical. The song never went anywhere for me, and I had this feeling like we were all under water...may have been a bit of a pitch thing? It was nice to see her with some clothes on though and not moving around like a hoochy.
Mig is a hott piece of ass

*Mig - Lola
I think Mig came into his own tonight and I could tell that the band was totally digging playing this arrangement. It was the first time where I actually saw Mig's personality come through, and he was also true to his voice, instead of posturing and imitating another rocker. Also - holy shit this guy is CUT. Woo hoo. Maybe that is why Dave Navarro put his shirt on.

Brandon - Tempted
Rule #1 when learning a new song is learn the fucking melody. I mean, jebus dude didn't even come close. How insulting. What a FUCKER! I have much loathing for Brandon. How has he not landed in the bottom 3 yet? Also, as a singer, when INXS tells you that you will benefit from the upcoming vocal clinic, you are in trouble. Brandon needs to pack his shit up and get ready to go.

*Ty - Everybody Hurts
I have said this before and I will say it again - Ty is the best singer in the bunch by far. I think he could sing anything. He was smart to tone it down a bit and sing a ballad. Also, I am wondering what he would look like with some hair? I appreciate that he is trying to stand out, but the mohawk may be distracting the band...they are pretty straight laced Aussies.
Not Heather's best night...

Heather - If It Makes You Happy
I was thinking, see, Sheryl Crow is not that great a singer, so Heather should be able to knock this out of the park but was I ever wrong. She sounded nervous and pitchy, the key was bad for her and she really should have been able to blow the doors off on this. Weird growling thing on "Mmmmmmmmmmmakes you" that I just hated. She said at the end that she has been sick (and as a singer, I totally understand that) so I hope that she gets better and has another shot next week. I think she may be in trouble if she lands in the bottom 3 and doesn't sing her ass off tonight.
J.D. was not the champion last night!
J.D. - We Are The Champions
Was he singing an octave lower than he should have been at the beginning? Then, did he totally CHOKE on the melody? And try to get the audience to sing a line? Ummm...and the part where he just changed the melody because it didn't fit in his range? And then he blamed his fuck up on the fact that his long lost sister was in the audience? Dude, super lame. What would you do if you looked down and saw someone super famous in the crowd? Lose your shit? Come on! Word to Dave Navarro for saying the band played awesome, because they were truly wicked.

Deanna - Give A Little Bit
Kind of underwhelming (not a word, I looked it up). She didn't really take this song anywhere, I think the whole acoustic vibe was just too mellow for the song. I am wondering why she picked a song like this when she was such a baby about her song last week? The band lurves her though, so she's safe for now.

Nobody told me it was a toga party!
Daphna - Rock the Casbah
I think she had the melody wrong in the first verse, and actually, she may have been singing in the wrong key altogether. The first chorus got her back on track, but damn, she really shit the bed on this song. The whole toga look was NOT HOTT (despite what Dave Navarro said). Her body is one of her main assets - she needs to feature that as her voice was sub par last night.

Tara - Suffragette City
The band looked so unimpressed during her performance, I kind of felt bad for her. I mean, the song sounded alright to me but I don't really know it, so that's not saying much. She copped a weird attitude with the band at the end of her song, and it is probably just her being defensive after being in the bottom 3 for 2 weeks in a row. Not cool though, and again, Dave N. had a point with the "put that 'tude in your singing". I think Tara is on her way out...

*Marty - Lithium
Seemed a touch fast in the opening, and if it makes sense, even a little plodding? The first chorus onwards was great though - he really captured the song. The band clearly liked it, but I did agree with Dave N. that it wasn't his best vocal performance (a bit pitchy). But I like Marty, so I'm going to leave him be.

Bottom line tonight is that Brandon needs to go. J.D. and Heather should also be in the bottom 3. Guess we'll see what happens...

Monday, July 25, 2005

Step away from the mic.

I love INXS way more than you guys!
Since we already know that nothing of any consequence happens on Monday night (at least, not on Rockstar INXS) this is more of a vanity post than anything else. Hey - how many whiny-pseudo-wannabe-rockers does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they get the band to do it in the background while they dance around out front trying to look badass.

Again with the toasting of Neal like he is dead. What is with all of the dudes bawling their eyes out like he was such a great contribution to rock? Gimme a break - he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket that guy. Get over it. Also, why does J.D. care if the other singers are "cool" with him? Only one person gets to be the lead singer of INXS dude. Balls out and go for it. Note, Brandon is a dipshit and he needs to shut it. Something else I learned - Mig is a sap (but all men are when it comes to them and their one and only).

Is this where I bite the head off a dove?

Rockstar Clinic - Stagecraft (sounds like an optional course I tried to pass off as a required arts and science course....):
As a singer I know how hard it is to watch and/or hear yourself sing. On top of that to have a room full of singers critique you as well? Damn. That's tough. Question - why, oh why, do they keep picking on my man Ty? Also, Brandon needs to die in the face. He is such a douchebag, hypocrite, and a dumb dumb singer.

Song Selection:
J.D. tries to get Jordis to change songs with him, and actually convinces her to give up her first choice of "We are the champions". Kind of makes me want him to fall on his ass for doing that and playing head games with her. THEN, he tries to get her to switch back and she is all "whatever dude, talk to the hand" and that made me love her even more. What an idiot - again with the arrangement deal. I just loved how the band shut him down. HAH! I'm not sure whether tomorrow night is going to be a laugh riot or a quiet riot...guess we'll have to see.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

You're just not right for our band.

What they should really say when they turf someone is "Mate, you couldn't hold Michael Hutchence's sweaty balls in your hands, let alone try to take his place". But I'm getting ahead of myself, so here's the recap from yesterday along with tonight's downer of show (I can't believe I missed "So You Think You Can Dance" for this...).

Last night Brooke came out rockin' the black bra and white wife beater. Hot look. Dave Navarro on the other hand needs to wear a shirt - just for once already. The performances went like so:

Marty - What I Like About You
His singing was okay, the song really didn't go anywhere for me. As usual, his dancing was kind of spastic and distracting, but apparently INXS dug it, so whatev.

Daphna - I Hate Myself For Loving You
She sang flat throughout the song, but I think the key was just too low. Scott, along with every other man with a pulse thinks she's hot.

Ty - Somebody Told Me
Buddy sang this better than the lead singer of the Killers - their singer is awful live though...weird how the band gave him a hard time saying his performance was the same as last week (yeah, if you mean he rocked out with the cock out). I don't get it.

Suzie - Roxanne
The tempo was too fast and she did not sing rhythmically enough or hit her marks at all. Again, a bad key - but really, the beauty of this song when Sting sings it is that he is a tenor at the top of his range, so it sounds awesome. Weird - the band loved it - how can they dig that when they gave Ty grief?

Mig - Walk This Way
Totally tense - I think he was afraid of forgetting the words. The choruses seemed kind of blah to me, not the Steven Tyler rendition I know and love. I'm not sure who was more relieved when he finished, me or him.

Neal - Summer of '69
His singing was OFF. He was so into pretend playing his guitar that he missed the melody completely. What a cocky asshole - for all the looks and style he can't carry a tune in a bucket.

Heather - It's Only Rock 'n Roll
I like that she doesn't appear to be trying too hard and taking on a persona that isn't her. Scott thinks she lacks charisma, but I just think she needs to practice her clothing removal as that ripping off of the shirt was not hot (strip clubs in Sudbury come to mind).

JD - Hand In My Pocket
See, I totally hated this dude the first night, but seeing that he's from New Glasgow, um, I mean OAKVILLE (wtf - again!) I have to give him a shot. I wonder if he got tired holding his arm in the air for the entire song. Weirdo. INXS lurves him big time and he totally kissed their asses with the "I am a true fan, they are not" bullshit comment. That did not go over well with the other singers.

Tara - Paranoid
I think she did awesome on this song and it's a hard song because it starts at 100% and just stays there, so you have maintain that energy throughout. Also, she looked badass with those red fingerless gloves. I'm glad the band dug it because she got a raw deal last week. For some reason I don't think she's connecting with the audience though.

Deanna - The One I Love
For all the bitching and moaning she did about getting stuck with this song I think she managed okay. I wasn't a huge fan of the interpretation and I thought it was forced. Apparently the band agreed with me.

Jordis - The Reason
I'm with Dave Navarro on this one - I have never liked that song. Still don't. Jordis is super cute though and the band loves her. She sounded kind of week in the verses though, but they called that "versatile". Um. Okay?

Jessica - Purple Haze
She reminds me of the trashy hoochie dancers that come out half way through James Brown's concerts when he gets too tired to boogie and needs some eye candy. Scott said "the early 90's called and they want their ripped jeans back". He was also commented that if Cher ever covered Purple Haze, that is exactly what it would sound like. Ouch. The band didn't like it either, which impresses me, because she dresses like a slut and I thought they we be distracted.

Brandon - Sweet Home Alabama
Too fast! And Bo Bice did it better. I just don't get any kind of a special vibe off this guy. But he did play guitar, which was pretty decent.

The Cut:
INXS started by giving props to Suzie, Mig and JD. I understand JD, but not the others.

The bottom three were Tara, Jessica and Neal. Not a huge surprise really. They had to sing their INXS songs to try to save face.

Neal - Suicide Blonde
This guy couldn't sing a melody if it walked up one side of him and down the other.

Tara - Mystify
Bad girl key (shocker!). Really a so-so cover, but better than Neal.

Jessica - Don't Change
Another bad girl key and a lame rendition. But the band sounded good...

So, they shit canned Neal, absolutely the right choice. I predict the women will start to fall next week.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Rockstar INXS: A lesson on why bands hate singers.

I'm trying a new experiment this week - blogging realtime while I watch Rockstar INXS. Yes, I know this makes me a geek, but I'm okay with that. And Scott thinks it's HOTT (and that's all I really care about).

On with it:

I love how they toasted Will like he was dead. Also, JD is from Oakville, why the hell are they listing him as from "New Glasgow"? And Suzie is from Mississauga, not Toronto - nice try!

Random jamming ensues when the band gives all the singers new guitars. Interesting that only Suzie and Heather bothered to pick them up - are they the only women that can play? Damn. What a waste of guitars - why not just hand out tambourines and buy Brooke more bikinis with the extra cash? (Edited to add that of COURSE Deanna plays guitar - Canada represent!)

Dave Navarro looks like he is channeling Prince with the white feather boa and white pants. And he is teaching style - at least he knows he looks like a jackass. Next, rockify the singers. When the fuck are these guys going to SING? Also, Suzie = not sexy.

I'm not sure what I think about them picking 14 songs and making the singers split them up. I guess that inevitably a singer is going to have to perform something they don't like, but I think that these guys should be able to pick songs that are going to make them look good.

JD - this is why musicians hate singers (wack wack wack!! is not how you describe a drum kick).

MIG - if "Walk this Way" is one of his favourite rock songs - how does he not know the words already?

Tara - I'm not sure if the sunglasses are going to help her rock out, but I want her to do well.

Deanna - more sunglasses...not helping. Bad key on "One I love"! (See - when you have to butcher the melody to make it work, that means it isn't working). Deanna is turning into a cow with the whole "I don't feel it" bit. Get over it.

And...I guess that's it. Some costumes, free guitars, and 4 rehearsals that were a prime example of why bands hate singers. Hopefully tomorrow's show will be better than this or else I'm just going to start skipping Monday nights.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Don't touch that squirrel's nuts.

Seeing as I spent the majority of today recovering from last night's festivities and randomly recalling funny things that happened/were said (Adam - you,me,lunch Fridays,book it!), it makes sense that I'm wound up like the energizer bunny, with sleep only something I will desire more of when I wake up tomorrow, running significantly short on it. Adam took many pictures and was kind enough to post them on his site. He's not in any of them - how did that happen?

So, the friends Adam, Karem, Irving and Alana came over for a potluck bbq yesterday and we drank, and we ate, and we drank some more. The menu was truly fabulous:

Scott's famous margaritas
Jalapeno Havarti and Salmon Mouse
Flatbreads and dip
Kabobs & Garlic Shrimp
Grilled asparagus, zucchini, pineapple
Homemade potato salad
Tiramisu (with seven year old rum!)

Scott delivered big time with his margaritas and grilling expertise. His timing was impeccable as the first rain in 2 weeks came pouring down just as he finished grilling the pineapple (who knew it would be so yummy?). It was a fun evening and a good mix of people (I love it when a plan comes together). The six empty bottles of wine in my recycling bin might explain why my head was pounding this morning (I figure I was lucky that I managed to get myself into bed). The fact that pretty much every dish in my house was dirty also attests to the excellent food that was shared. I think that Karem and Irving are next to host, and once Lulu is moved into her new place, we'll pressure her into having us over to her fancy new abode for a party.

Since Scott and I were hosting yesterday we weren't able to go to Raye's goodbye picnic, but we did make plans to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with her tonight. Raye has seen just about every movie out there, and she was the perfect person to see it with. I felt like a little kid, who is old enough to get all the inside jokes. I'm not sure what the best part was, but I did like the squirrels, puppet burn unit and Oompa-Loompa musical sequences. I trust Raye will provide a review that will do it justice, I just like the nut jokes.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

When it's bad it ain't bad enough.

Ty = The early front runner!I hate the lack of quality television in the summer. Remember how 2 summers ago the O.C. started up? What's going on this summer? Big Brother, the embarrassment of Canadian Idol and some shitty celebratory dance show do not cut it - I need more to give me a valid reason to plunk my ass down on the couch for an evening of sedentary entertainment. As an alternative I have been forced to get my butt to the gym. Unfortunate really, as I much prefer sitting and drinking in the comfort of my living room. Alas, Rockstar INXS has come to save me. Thank you INXS. Also, thank you for your "Kick" album which I still love to this day (even though I bought it back in grade 7 to listen to on the bus ride to Quebec City). I stumbled upon this show on Monday night and I was pleasantly surprised that while all of the contestants are trying to look and act like rock stars, the cheese/obnoxious factor did not make me turn off the tv before giving it a real chance. And oh do they rock and oh do they pose and oh do they sing. Seriously, most of these guys and gals can actually sing, and sing well. What a thrill!

Dave Navarro wants to fuck Daphna big time!Scott and I were chatting about the show last night and he thinks that it is a total marketing scam that they even have women on the show because there is no way INXS would have a female singer. I don't think it is a huge risk, because really, the strongest rock singers are Ty and Neal. I think they had to include women so that Dave Navarro would be a guest judge and for a little eye candy (I wonder what Carmen thinks of Brooke Burke getting the hosting gig?). I don't have ratings on each individual singer yet because I wasn't anticipating I would like the show so much. But next week, just wait. Next week I will give you the low down on what's what, but I can tell you it was no damn loss that Dana got turfed. More later on the hot hot heat, Captain Bitch Face (aka "the mad pisser"), and my new found motivation to get my ass in shape.

Monday, July 04, 2005

I got my driver's license 14 years ago today.

Lock your doors folks, Karla Homolka is finally a free woman. And as much as she says she will “never forgive herself” for what she has done, somehow that rings a little hollow to me. I’m glad that she has chosen to live in Quebec and not Ontario, though it does creep me out to think that when she does eventually return home to St. Catharines to visit her family, she’ll be driving pretty much right by my house on the QEW. I think she is exactly right to fear for her life, but it doesn’t break my heart because really, maybe it is appropriate that she should understand just an iota of a fraction of what her victims felt. I think she will be a magnet for fucked up people with the potential for violence and I also think she is attracted to these very people which is just a recipe for disaster. But maybe this is a “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” type of situation. We all know we need to cross the street if we see her coming, it’s the ones that you can’t pick out…

Friday, July 01, 2005

Happy Canada Day.

She's so cute I could just eat her up!Things are looking up from computer land. Scott's old computer is getting wiped clean and a new O/S is getting installed - and - I should have it set up tonight. Thank gawd as having to share with him has been tough - hence the lack of blogging. That's my excuse anyway! Not much going on from Katland, just that it has been f'n hot out and I have been hiding my fair skin inside, all the while attempting to convince Scott to turn the A/C up, just 1 stinkin' degree. I could insert a "he's so cheap he must be Scottish joke in here, but I don't know any". I finally just did it and he didn't seem to notice.

This pic is of the lovely Hanna. Isn't she just the CUTEST thing? Speaking of babies, our friends Jen and Brad are coming over tonight and Jen is preggers - due sometime in December (mid to late?). I asked Brad what Jen's due date was the other day and he said "I dunno..." and then I asked him if he was planning to take some vacation and he said "I hadn't thought about it yet...". So, clearly he is still working on getting his head around this baby, or he is just trying to act cool for me and Scott. Hah. I guess he still has 5 months to sort it out! Tomorrow we are heading out to Aurora to see our friends Shane and Steph and their baby Charlotte. They are reclaiming their social life, though I think they have done a damn good job of it already - they are out and about a lot with their little girl. So, here we go with Babypalooza 2005.