Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Rock 'n Roll is dead.

Brandon is HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE and he needs to pack his shit and GO HOME
In case you are wondering why the delay in posting this blog, it is because I needed a night's sleep to recover from that horrible spectacle of a show last night where a bunch of badly-dressed-clown-faced-craptastic-"singers" got up and embarrassed themselves. You know that when the highlight of the show is that Dave Navarro actually wore a shirt, and Brooke Burke wore a green potato sack with her kid's grade 1 macrame project around her neck that it is going to be the longest hour of your life. I should note that not ALL the singers where horrible, but most of them were downright bad or just "meh". I'll put a little * next to the singers that knocked it out of the park.
Hooray for boobies!

Jordis - Gimme Some Lovin'
This girl is just so cute and happy to be rockin', how can you not love her? I have to say I have yet to be blown away by her singing, but I think it may just be that her singing and energy don't translate across the airwaves. It doesn't really matter though because she has the look, and she can clearly sing. Also, INXS lurves her and I think she could go up on stage and pee in a bucket and they would still tell her how awesome she is.

Suzie - Superstition
I have this thing about white women singing Stevie Wonder. DON'T DO IT. She just ended up sounding like she was trying too hard. During her song I was picturing her as the singer in the lounge in Japan in that scene from "Lost In Translation" where Bill Murray has the clips holding the back of his jacket together, and the eyeliner, and he is all mooney eyed over Scarlett....I digress. The token harmonica playing at the end bit the big weenie...and yet, INXS liked her (either that or they want to boink her?).

Jessica - Because the Night
She started out very nice, subtle, even dare I say musical. The song never went anywhere for me, and I had this feeling like we were all under water...may have been a bit of a pitch thing? It was nice to see her with some clothes on though and not moving around like a hoochy.
Mig is a hott piece of ass

*Mig - Lola
I think Mig came into his own tonight and I could tell that the band was totally digging playing this arrangement. It was the first time where I actually saw Mig's personality come through, and he was also true to his voice, instead of posturing and imitating another rocker. Also - holy shit this guy is CUT. Woo hoo. Maybe that is why Dave Navarro put his shirt on.

Brandon - Tempted
Rule #1 when learning a new song is learn the fucking melody. I mean, jebus dude didn't even come close. How insulting. What a FUCKER! I have much loathing for Brandon. How has he not landed in the bottom 3 yet? Also, as a singer, when INXS tells you that you will benefit from the upcoming vocal clinic, you are in trouble. Brandon needs to pack his shit up and get ready to go.

*Ty - Everybody Hurts
I have said this before and I will say it again - Ty is the best singer in the bunch by far. I think he could sing anything. He was smart to tone it down a bit and sing a ballad. Also, I am wondering what he would look like with some hair? I appreciate that he is trying to stand out, but the mohawk may be distracting the band...they are pretty straight laced Aussies.
Not Heather's best night...

Heather - If It Makes You Happy
I was thinking, see, Sheryl Crow is not that great a singer, so Heather should be able to knock this out of the park but was I ever wrong. She sounded nervous and pitchy, the key was bad for her and she really should have been able to blow the doors off on this. Weird growling thing on "Mmmmmmmmmmmakes you" that I just hated. She said at the end that she has been sick (and as a singer, I totally understand that) so I hope that she gets better and has another shot next week. I think she may be in trouble if she lands in the bottom 3 and doesn't sing her ass off tonight.
J.D. was not the champion last night!
J.D. - We Are The Champions
Was he singing an octave lower than he should have been at the beginning? Then, did he totally CHOKE on the melody? And try to get the audience to sing a line? Ummm...and the part where he just changed the melody because it didn't fit in his range? And then he blamed his fuck up on the fact that his long lost sister was in the audience? Dude, super lame. What would you do if you looked down and saw someone super famous in the crowd? Lose your shit? Come on! Word to Dave Navarro for saying the band played awesome, because they were truly wicked.

Deanna - Give A Little Bit
Kind of underwhelming (not a word, I looked it up). She didn't really take this song anywhere, I think the whole acoustic vibe was just too mellow for the song. I am wondering why she picked a song like this when she was such a baby about her song last week? The band lurves her though, so she's safe for now.

Nobody told me it was a toga party!
Daphna - Rock the Casbah
I think she had the melody wrong in the first verse, and actually, she may have been singing in the wrong key altogether. The first chorus got her back on track, but damn, she really shit the bed on this song. The whole toga look was NOT HOTT (despite what Dave Navarro said). Her body is one of her main assets - she needs to feature that as her voice was sub par last night.

Tara - Suffragette City
The band looked so unimpressed during her performance, I kind of felt bad for her. I mean, the song sounded alright to me but I don't really know it, so that's not saying much. She copped a weird attitude with the band at the end of her song, and it is probably just her being defensive after being in the bottom 3 for 2 weeks in a row. Not cool though, and again, Dave N. had a point with the "put that 'tude in your singing". I think Tara is on her way out...

*Marty - Lithium
Seemed a touch fast in the opening, and if it makes sense, even a little plodding? The first chorus onwards was great though - he really captured the song. The band clearly liked it, but I did agree with Dave N. that it wasn't his best vocal performance (a bit pitchy). But I like Marty, so I'm going to leave him be.

Bottom line tonight is that Brandon needs to go. J.D. and Heather should also be in the bottom 3. Guess we'll see what happens...


  1. Dave wore a shirt! I think he stole it from Ty actually.
    Could not believe the train wreck that was last night. Got my mom to watch the show for the first time and she was, like, mmmm, no singers here.

  2. I know - it was SO BAD! Makes me wonder if they got a lot more rehearsal time the first night, or if was just that they got to pick their own songs?

  3. Just a side note... I'm not one for rockers, tat's or piercings of any kind (this includes earrings) but something about Dave Navarro is HOTT.

    I think it's the eyes.

    Anyway, this:
    "I have this thing about white women singing Stevie Wonder. DON'T DO IT" had me bustin' a gut. LOL. Hey man. If the girl can sang, do the damn thing.