Wednesday, July 20, 2005

You're just not right for our band.

What they should really say when they turf someone is "Mate, you couldn't hold Michael Hutchence's sweaty balls in your hands, let alone try to take his place". But I'm getting ahead of myself, so here's the recap from yesterday along with tonight's downer of show (I can't believe I missed "So You Think You Can Dance" for this...).

Last night Brooke came out rockin' the black bra and white wife beater. Hot look. Dave Navarro on the other hand needs to wear a shirt - just for once already. The performances went like so:

Marty - What I Like About You
His singing was okay, the song really didn't go anywhere for me. As usual, his dancing was kind of spastic and distracting, but apparently INXS dug it, so whatev.

Daphna - I Hate Myself For Loving You
She sang flat throughout the song, but I think the key was just too low. Scott, along with every other man with a pulse thinks she's hot.

Ty - Somebody Told Me
Buddy sang this better than the lead singer of the Killers - their singer is awful live though...weird how the band gave him a hard time saying his performance was the same as last week (yeah, if you mean he rocked out with the cock out). I don't get it.

Suzie - Roxanne
The tempo was too fast and she did not sing rhythmically enough or hit her marks at all. Again, a bad key - but really, the beauty of this song when Sting sings it is that he is a tenor at the top of his range, so it sounds awesome. Weird - the band loved it - how can they dig that when they gave Ty grief?

Mig - Walk This Way
Totally tense - I think he was afraid of forgetting the words. The choruses seemed kind of blah to me, not the Steven Tyler rendition I know and love. I'm not sure who was more relieved when he finished, me or him.

Neal - Summer of '69
His singing was OFF. He was so into pretend playing his guitar that he missed the melody completely. What a cocky asshole - for all the looks and style he can't carry a tune in a bucket.

Heather - It's Only Rock 'n Roll
I like that she doesn't appear to be trying too hard and taking on a persona that isn't her. Scott thinks she lacks charisma, but I just think she needs to practice her clothing removal as that ripping off of the shirt was not hot (strip clubs in Sudbury come to mind).

JD - Hand In My Pocket
See, I totally hated this dude the first night, but seeing that he's from New Glasgow, um, I mean OAKVILLE (wtf - again!) I have to give him a shot. I wonder if he got tired holding his arm in the air for the entire song. Weirdo. INXS lurves him big time and he totally kissed their asses with the "I am a true fan, they are not" bullshit comment. That did not go over well with the other singers.

Tara - Paranoid
I think she did awesome on this song and it's a hard song because it starts at 100% and just stays there, so you have maintain that energy throughout. Also, she looked badass with those red fingerless gloves. I'm glad the band dug it because she got a raw deal last week. For some reason I don't think she's connecting with the audience though.

Deanna - The One I Love
For all the bitching and moaning she did about getting stuck with this song I think she managed okay. I wasn't a huge fan of the interpretation and I thought it was forced. Apparently the band agreed with me.

Jordis - The Reason
I'm with Dave Navarro on this one - I have never liked that song. Still don't. Jordis is super cute though and the band loves her. She sounded kind of week in the verses though, but they called that "versatile". Um. Okay?

Jessica - Purple Haze
She reminds me of the trashy hoochie dancers that come out half way through James Brown's concerts when he gets too tired to boogie and needs some eye candy. Scott said "the early 90's called and they want their ripped jeans back". He was also commented that if Cher ever covered Purple Haze, that is exactly what it would sound like. Ouch. The band didn't like it either, which impresses me, because she dresses like a slut and I thought they we be distracted.

Brandon - Sweet Home Alabama
Too fast! And Bo Bice did it better. I just don't get any kind of a special vibe off this guy. But he did play guitar, which was pretty decent.

The Cut:
INXS started by giving props to Suzie, Mig and JD. I understand JD, but not the others.

The bottom three were Tara, Jessica and Neal. Not a huge surprise really. They had to sing their INXS songs to try to save face.

Neal - Suicide Blonde
This guy couldn't sing a melody if it walked up one side of him and down the other.

Tara - Mystify
Bad girl key (shocker!). Really a so-so cover, but better than Neal.

Jessica - Don't Change
Another bad girl key and a lame rendition. But the band sounded good...

So, they shit canned Neal, absolutely the right choice. I predict the women will start to fall next week.


  1. ty sounds like corey glover--the former frontman of the now-defunct band living colour. corey went solo and dropped an album which is hott. i have always loved his voice, and ty's vocals are reminisce of cg's.

    it's a touch of gospel behind a whole lotta rock and a dash of rnb.

    if they give it to ty, i'd drop dead of a heart attack. they'll never give him the front spot. never.

    his shit kicks ass and he'd prolly leave the band after four years to go solo and they'd have to find a replacement all over again. he's just too good.

    (i do hope i'm wrong, though)

  2. I have to admit that I have a total crush on Ty. I really hope he makes it. And I most definitely agree that Neal sucked ass last night again. What I don't understand is why all the other rockers looked shocked when he was sent home. Did they not hear the same thing we did?

  3. Yeah, I was wondering why they were so broken up. I think maybe their tears were just tears of relief - "thank gawd it wasn't me!". No such luck for me today - I got kicked to the curb myself, so I'll be hanging my shingle out again starting Monday. Good times.

  4. "hanging your shingle out"
    what does that mean? it sounds like you were given a boot? say it ain't so?

  5. Anonymous12:35 a.m.

    "Hanging your shingle out" means I am "ready to do business". It means you'd betta BRING IT. Which I love!

  6. Yep, crazy business I work in. Shit happens. I am going to take a few weeks to clear my head, then I'll start checking out what is going on.