Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Choirs and Trumpets and Strings (on my!).

Brooke is ready to go deep sea fishing (get it?)On last night’s show the producers of Rockstar tried to up the ante by bringing in a gospel choir, strings, and horns. While the strings and horns proved to be an effective addition, as you will read in this post, the choir sucked big donkey bollocks. Brooke upped the trampy/hawty factor by sporting white hip waders and a macramé plant holder for a necklace (I think I should do a retrospective of her wardrobe once this is all over – we can vote on her best, worse, sluttiest, and most conservative clothing choices for the season).

The half hour show that I no longer actually believe exists featured a test for the remaining six. They had to learn a new INXS song and record it, with INXS producing it. Anyone who has actually sang in a studio environment knows that this is an excellent test as singing live and singing in a studio are two completely different ballgames. Apparently (and no surprise here), J.D. was cocky [shock!] and didn’t bother to learn the song. He went into the studio expecting them to coddle and spoon feed him and he ended up fucking it all up. Oakville represent! I’d award him a dickwad point or two, but he is so far ahead of everyone else that I think there is no point. Seems like Suzie, (who continues to surprise me), nailed it. I guess her experience singing Marineland jingles paid off. Seriously though, seems like she sings INXS songs really well, and the band really sees her as a professional, so who knows – maybe she has a shot after all.

Ty – You Can’t Always Get What You Want
We all know that Ty sings soul well, no doubt about it. I’d hazard a guess that he probably has more soul than a bunch of old craggy Aussie rockers require. At this point of the show, I was thinking the choir was being completely underutilized, I mean, a vocal-choral break in the chorus would have added something to the arrangement (like a “You can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want…”). Whatever, it didn’t happen. As the show wore on I realized that the choir completely sucked (or maybe they just weren’t given good arrangements or enough prep/rehearsal time?). Dave N. and the band liked it, though they once again referred to it being a great “show” which makes me wonder if they are subtly referring to Ty’s stage experience (more Broadway than rock ‘n roll).

J.D. – Suspicious Minds
Why I am not surprised that J.D. used to be an Elvis impersonator? Oddly appropriate really, lip curl and all. The pre-pubescent gospel choir started wearing on my nerves right about now, they were just HORRIBLE. I didn’t love the speeding up double time at the end of the arrangement either. Also, he got pretty out of tune by the end – a lot of singers do this though. They get to the end of the song and they’re all “wankwankwankwankwank”. You know what I mean, vocal gymnastics take over – one last chance to show you “I can sing fancy” (Beyonce is the absolute master of this). Dave N. said it was pretty good, though an odd choice. I didn’t get the feeling that the band loved it. J.D.’s whole bad attitude schtick may finally be getting old (about time as he is off the dickwad scale!).

Marty is super fine all the time!Marty – Wish You Were Here
I like this lower, softer voice that Marty featured last night. It is very beautiful and intimate – a huge contrast to the supersonic rocking we have seen from him in past weeks. Once again the choir proved to be fucking useless. I like that he kept it low key throughout and didn’t go bonkers at the end. He was very emotional at the end, which was hawt (love a man in eyeliner tearing up). Dave N. and INXS loved it (J.D. looked pretty sulky as they heaped on the praise and I loved that even more!).

Jordis' dad is super cute!Jordis – Imagine
I’m glad that Jordis played guitar – nice touch. Her hair looked awesome (kind of Princess Leah with dreads). I was a bit worried at the start of the song, because it sounded like it was sitting in a weird part of her range, but I think it was just because she started out softly. She built into the chorus beautifully and for the first time on this show, she gave me chills (or maybe that was the ceiling fan). Dave N. and the band gave her a standing ovation and heaped the praise on her. Good save after such a piss poor outing last week. Her dad was in the audience and he is hella cute! I wonder what her background is – seems like she has some flava going on.

Mig – Live and Let Die
Damn is he ever cute! I loved the cheesy band backgrounds in the slow section. The horns and the strings sounded awesome as well – I hope these singers know how lucky they are to be singing with such awesome musicians. I think that Mig could sing anything, and I’m glad he didn’t choose Bohemian Rhapsody. Dave N. loved it, INXS liked it, though they commented that he sang through the instrumental breaks. That didn’t bother me and I didn’t find it distracting at all. Mig really can do no wrong in my eyes though. Did I mention how hawt he is?

Mama Mia Mama Mia!Suzie – Bohemian Rhapsody
I was a little concerned when Suzie picked this song. I thought it might go the way of Jordis’ awful performance of Dream On last week. Suzie came through though and did a top notch job. The band did a kickass job supporting her too – without them pulling their weight that vocal section would have fallen apart. I couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t sing over the instrumental breaks, and she was downright sassy in the “Let Me Go” section. Dave N. and the band ate it up, as they should. We’ll see if this keeps her out of the bottom three this week.
Down to 6 - who will it be?
With only six singers left, it is getting tougher to predict the bottom 3. I have to believe that the band has some idea of who they think is a fit so it will be very interesting to watch tomorrow’s show to see not only who is in the bottom three, but what sort of comments they make about the performances.

Bottom 3 at the end of the show: J.D., Ty, Marty
Kat’s Bottom 3: J.D., Ty, Marty

Monday, August 29, 2005

An Anniversary to Remember.

MEOW!I have now been married for 1 year + 1 day to the most wonderful man on the face of the earth (well, the most wonderful man for ME on the face of the earth!). We had the perfect anniversary yesterday. It started out with the requisite sleeping in, and then lounging around drinking coffee and opening gifts that we weren't supposed to get each other. Scott gave me a pearl necklace (Adrianne STOP LAUGHING you sicko) which I love love love! I had been oohing and ahhing over it in the jewelry store every time I was downtown near Scott's work. He is a smart smart man and he totally picked up on it. The first year anniversary gift is supposed to be paper (though I'm not complaining) so I got Scott two little pieces of art of our kitties. The little chubby faced grey one is Samba and the big fat blue one is Bossa. He liked them (at least that's what he told me!) so I hung them up in our dining room.

I am trying too hard to look photogenic in this picture!We went out to my favourite Thai restaurant for dinner and then out to a movie. I was in the mood for a comedy, so "The 40 Year Old Virgin" it was. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but Scott seemed to think it would be good (and he is the ultimate naysayer so if he was into it, it must have gotten really good reviews). It didn't disappoint. We agreed that the best line was "You know how I know you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says I like it when balls are in my face." I mean, ball jokes are always funny. So, a low key day to celebrate a very busy year. I can't wait to see what this next year brings. With Scott and me, it's always an adventure.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

On motherhood and war.

Extra, extra, read all about it - Tori not preggers.
I spent much of last night's Tori Amos concert wondering, is she knocked up? This pic here is from 2000 (preggo with her first baby). She looks pretty hawt for a pregnant lady! I did a little google search and found out that Alana and I are not the only ones who thought her big poofy dress was materity-esqe (and is that a bump on her tummy?). Her fans say no. Apparently she is just enjoying loose fitting garments.

The show, it was okay. I was disappointed that her band wasn't there (I kept hoping that back curtain would open up to show a big drum kit, but no such luck. I like a lot of her earlier stuff, but have been out of the loop for, I don't know, the last three or four albums. I think a lot of her songs, they sound the same. I mean, she sings beautifully, and she is musical, and talented, so don't jump all over me. Just that all of the songs she chose to sing last night, they were all midtempo songs about motherhood and family, and war. I'm happy we went, but if I were to ever go see her again, I would need a guarantee that her band would be playing. Last night's concert was for hardcore Tori Amos fans who would be happy hearing her recite the phonebook.

Of particular note was her opening act The Ditty Bops. They were absolutely fabulous and I think I actually may order their cd off Amazon. It's really too bad they weren't selling any at the show as I would have picked one up for sure. I think they are her opening act for the entire tour, so good for them! Adam and I had a lengthy discussion on the way back to the car about how we are always so pleased and surprised to hear singers who can sing in tune (gasp!) in live performance. We both agreed that this shouldn't be something to be surprised about as if your voice is your instrument, you should be able to use it proficiently. Just that in today's world of pop mediocrity, all we hear are voices fabricated in the studio that don't actually "exist" in the real world. Singers like The Ditty Bops are a pleasant gift.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Rock you like a hurricane.

I have waited 30 long years for a hurricane to be named after me. I always figured my name was too plain, but nope, Hurricane Katrina it is. Gotta tell you that it feels pretty righteous to read headlines like "Oil companies evacuate Gulf platforms as Katrina looms" and "Florida sweeps up from Katrina, but braces for a possible encore". It's right up there with headlines like "The dikes will save us" that Jennifer and I never cease to giggle at. Scott lamented to me yesterday that he doubted that there would ever be a Hurricane Scott. I told him that it could happen! Don't give up on it, we're only at K. The only problem is, I think they alternate male and female names, so "S" will technically be a female name this time around. Sigh. Anyway, as much as I am digging that my name is being used to name a massive upheaval in nature, I hope all this shit calms down for our 1 year Anniversary trip to the Bahamas next week. Tomorrow is actually our 1 year anniversary (yeah! we made it a whole year!). More on that later, gotta get ready to go see Tori Amos tonight with Alana, Adam, and Leeanne.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Lady In Red and Boys In Eyeliner.

I considered calling this blog “Brooke Burke and her lovely ta-tas", but that would just be crass. But seriously her boobs look freshly faked, I’m wondering if her soon to be ex gave her one last boob job for the road (he is a plastic surgeon after all). Dave Navarro did not disappoint either, he is slowly working back to his normal shirtless self, this time opting for unbuttoned to the navel. Nice!
Hooray for boobies!

So last night, they did an “Originals vs. Songwriter” theme. Suzie pulled a J.D. after suggesting that they all draw names from a hat and she was all “but I wanna sing my original it’sooooooooooo good” but thankfully Deanna and Mig stood their ground and showed her the hand. What I will say about the whole original song thing is that I think these singers need to remember that it may be a double edged sword. The audience votes for who they like, and part of liking someone is liking the song they sing. It’s hard to like a song (or even remember it for that matter) after only hearing it one time through. The recipe for success is does the audience like the song (meaning do they know it?) and do they like your interpretation. I doubt very many voters are actually considering “who would be the right choice for INXS” at this point. They are just voting for who they dig.

Suzie – Cameltoe City (Start Me Up)
She almost missed her entrance with her dumb shout out to her peeps. While I definitely think she is a strong singer, she has never connected with me. I think that live she is probably fine, but she doesn’t carry across the airwaves. Dave N. (who was surprised she has been in the bottom 3 so many times) should watch the show from home with Carmen and see if he still thinks she is so great. Me thinks no.

J.D. – Cold As Ice
Still a cocky SOB, but how can you not love that eyeliner? Hawt! Also, does he have a sock in his pants? Yowzers. I think he sang the song well and had a lot of confidence which made it compelling. The vocal harmony section with the band sucked though (totally out of tune, mostly J.D.’s fault). INXS loved it though, and they seem to like the risks he takes (one of them being that the rest of the singers will gang up on him and drown him in the pool).

Deanna should kick Ty in the assDeanna – My Truth
I'm wondering (and maybe Adam can tell me) how they can write new material and get it copywrited so fast? Is it the whole, once you say “I wrote this” and then perform it on TV thing, that means it belongs to you? Or can you just seal the music in an envelope and mail it to yourself? The song completely catered to her voice and it was nice to hear her sing in a comfortable key. Hence, not a lot of range in the melody, but fuck, she sang it with balls (especially since she didn’t have much time to write it and then learn it). Good for her.

Ty – Proud Mary
Wow, buddy totally took credit for writing Deanna’s song – 1 dickwad point for Ty. That was unnecessary (has he been hanging out with J.D. or something?). I didn’t love this version of Proud Mary. It was too fast, the background vocals stunk (specifically: out of tune, not groovin’, and falling apart), and it just left me cold. The band liked it, but I think they were just checking out Brooke Burke dancing to it.

Mig is a fan of Clockword OrangeMig – Do Or Die
The beginning was kind of minwaxy (meaning, awkward), but it did get better at the chorus. Seemed a bit “rock opera” to me, but I may be full of it. I loved the zebra fabric cod piece he wore over his pants – that was something! I think that the band should be given props for playing the hell out of a song they didn’t really like and I think that Mig sold it through. Dave N. liked it, and the band “appreciated” it, whatever that means. I still like Mig though and I am betting that all of Australia is voting for him.

Marty is ANGRY ROAAAAARRRRR!Marty – I Alone
More eyeliner! Hawtness! Boy does the camera like Marty. He was very intense throughout his performance. I don’t know this song, so it’s hard to say how well he sang it, but he sure did rock his ass off. I thought that his head was going to turn around 360 degrees at the end, he damn near looked possessed. Dave N. lurves him, but the band wants him to stop screaming all the time and sing more. Funny, Deanna shouts most of her songs, but they never say that to her.

Jordis – Shits The Bed (Dream On)
I loved it until she opened her mouth. Great hat. Weird key – I think she opted for a lower key so she could try to hit that note at the end, which she didn’t. The problem with singing a song too low in your range is that it comes off as low energy. She not only had pitch issues, but she didn’t rock at all and missed the ending completely. I am with Dave N. on this, she should have changed the melody to make it work. This is a prime example of a song that only a man should sing. We all have off nights, but this was especially disappointing.

Bottom 3 at the end of the show: Deanna, Ty, Jordis,
Kat’s bottom 3: Suzie, Jordis, Ty

This thing called life.

Adam and me at Sharky's in OakvilleJust wanted to post a quick update to say that I have been hella busy between my friends Jen and Dave's wedding (which was beautiful and pink and lovely!), starting to work again (ain't that a trip!) and trying to keep Scott's spirits up (he is sick as a dog right now). I taped Rockstar INXS last night so I will watch it tonight after work and make a quick post before I go out to see my friend Alex's band The Free Press tonight. It is their CD release party so we want to go and make an appearance (sick our not, he is our boy). I will have to tape the results show and watch it tomorrow, so don't tell me who gets booted off. Actually, it will be Suzie, so whatever, I showed you. I can tell you that without even watching this week's performances!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Mig, I love YOUR ways.

Jennifer was kind enough to give the Monday night recap (apparently I am the ONLY person who can't find this "floating" show). The show amounted to the remaining singers getting into two groups of four to see if they can play nice. Surprise, surprise, J.D. acted like the sulky punk-ass-bitch that he is. His group lost because of his bad attitude yet he somehow managed to come out of the incident lookin' like a bad-ass-rocker. Whatever. I'd just love to see him pull that prima donna shit with a bunch of craggy ol' Australian rockers. They would set him straight in a hot second. My lustful Brandon hate has now been refocused on J.D. (Canadian or not, he is a punk).
I thought this was a family show?
Okay, so now for the recap. I love that we can all chat with Brooke online. I can bet what kind of chatting is going to be happening and usually folks have to pay for that! Not sure about the continuous parade of pinstripes on this show (the stylists must get a discount on bad taste).

Last night there was a bit of twist with the song selection. INXS selected a song for each singer (I think they did this because despite their requests to hear particular styles from each singer, those requests have largely been ignored).

The Golden Child rises againJordis - Knockin' on Heaven's Door
She started out of tune with a bit of vocal wankery (when will singers learn?) but the song immediately got better once she got into the first verse. She really has a magic about her, and shone in this intimate setting (yet somehow still manages to be quite powerful). INXS is smitten with her, and while Dave Navarro doesn't want to sleep with her, I bet he wants to make her his honourary sister. Great performance, though I could do without the out of tune vocal riffing.

Jessica - Torn
Apparently INXS wanted to see a softer side of Jessica, and I guess they saw it last night. I still think she belted a lot and I would have truly unplugged this song, maybe even switched up the arrangement a bit so that it started out a little more bare bones. For some reason with the busyness of the arrangement it didn't really sound all that unplugged to me. Dave N. liked it and said "less is more", and the band seemed to like it. Jessica will still be in the bottom three though, and I think she'll go home this week.

Bad bad fashion dayTy - Maggie (Mary) May
Nice rat tail dude. Gross. Also, what is with the pajama bottoms? I didn't love this rendition of the song (also - I think he was singing "Mary" instead of least a few times). It should be noted that I can't stand Rod Stewart, so that likely didn't help. Dave N. and INXS loved it (even went so far to call it a Motown feel which I didn't hear). Ty then capped his performance off with some wacky tongue talents...weird.

Suzie - Bring it on Home to Me
I know that I am always harping about this, but the tempo was really too fast. I think Suzie did a good job keeping it reigned in. I kept wondering how she would sound if she was an old black man, because I think this song would have rung more true to me. Terrible, I know! I seem a bit prejudice against poor Suzie - it may be because she sounded a bit country, which really, is unforgivable. Dave N. heard it differently and loved it, INXS thinks she is one of the best singers in the competition (technically yes, but otherwise no!). I think Suzie will join Jessica in the bottom three this week.

Marty - Hit Me Baby One More Time
I LOVE MARTY. What a horrible song, but he did a good job. The most distracting thing was the background singers sounded terrible. I really dug how he got all intense at the end, basically shrieking over the band. Go Marty! Too funny how J.D. was sitting there looking so jealous that he didn't get to sing this song. Dave N. also dug it, and the band seemed to appreciate that Marty was a good sport about singing such an awful song.

Lift those sisters up!Deanna - I Can't Make You Love Me
This really was a perfect song for Deanna and I think it did show off her voice. And her boobies - check those sister out (they're all like - "Lift us up, we're suffocating down here"). She totally pulled it off, she was feeling it too, which came across. She is just as good a singer as Bonnie Raitt and better than Sheryl Crow. INXS liked her performance a lot, but I think Deanna was too hard on herself (I suspect she just HATES singing songs that expose her voice like that).

Boo Hoo Hoo - I didn't get my way, so I'm going to act like a bitch!J.D. - As Tears Go By
The band wanted J.D. to be "real" with this song. Seeing as he is a Grade "A" Asshole, I'm not sure that's a good thing. It didn't matter either way because while he sang the song well, his supposed emoting came off as mere posturing. He was trying to come off as a sweetheart rocker, but it fell totally flat, nothing, nada, zip. I didn't buy it at all and neither did INXS (except for Tim, but whatever). HAHAHAHA J.D.! Looks good on you.

Mig's wife is a LUCKY woman!Mig - Baby, I Love Your Way
Mig plays piano - HOTT DAMN! Do you know how hard that is to do? To play and sing, and do both exceptionally well? Trust me, it's hard! He sounded fabulous. J.D. really should listen up because this was true emoting. But see, Mig really has love in his life, whereas J.D., he only loves himself. I think Mig is the favourite to win (he's Australian too - I can only imagine the votes he is pulling from down under). Dave N. got all sappy and INXS lurved him. Mig got my vote. Several of 'em.

My picks for the final three

Bottom three this week will be: Suzie, Jessica, J.D.
Favourites for final three: Jordis, Marty, and Mig

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Kat came back (she just couldn't stay away).

The Cat of Goutoku TempleIt's ON bitches! I got me a shiny new job at a super shiny company. I am not going to say anything more than that. But man, I am stoked. I think that when I get my first new and shiny paycheque, I'm going to put an order in for this "Big Maneki Neko Lucky CAT Sculpture" as it is called on this website. I recently started developing a bit of a fetish for these cats of good fortune. I bought my first when I was visiting my bestfriend Jennifer a few weeks ago in Ottawa. The one I bought was somewhat plump, and white. I bought one just like it in gold for Alana, figuring she could use some more good fortune this year (and it is already working!). Seriously, my good fortune has turned right around. But maybe it was always good, and the fact that my outlook is positive, I am able to recognize it. Ah fuck, who knows? I'm going to go rub my good luck cat's belly and start celebrating with Scott. INXS review tonight!

Monday, August 15, 2005

On a Monday, I am waiting.

If I were a rockstar, I would be...Rockstar INXS can't figure out what the heck to do with that little extra show of theirs. Apparently it was on last night at 8pm, but again, I was left in the dark. Scott and I had a "Law & Order - Mr. Ridiculous" date, and he made me wings, which more than made up for it. I was checking out INXS's website to see what the story was with the show (it was no help), and after I started linking around, I somehow got to this silly MeeGos site. It is similar to the Yahoo Avatars, but they are more cutsy, and um, they cost money. I am cheap, so I just took screen caps of my creations. That first one, is what I would look like if I were a cartoon rockstar. This second one is Alana on her noodle. Umm...maybe you had to be there?

Ridin' the Noodle!This will be an interesting week for me as I have to harness some patience and play it cool. The wonderful world of negotiations. I have a couple of things I'm looking at, and I think there is a chance that both will come to fruition. Then I have to pick the best one for me. I think that either one on their own would be good though, so if they don't both come through, I'll be okay. But man, if they do both come through, that would be AWESOME. I know I am being vague, but it will all become very mud.

Shoutout to my girl Jenn who is getting married on Saturday (seen here with her super cute puppy Dexter). I went to her bachelorette party on Saturday and spent yesterday recovering. I would like to believe that I was not so drunk as to not be in control, somewhat. But, in fact, I may have hurdled over the line of good taste on several occasions, so it is more likely that I was VERY drunk, and just one of those drunk girls who thinks they have it together, but really, they have lipstick smeared across their cheek, they are cursing like a sailor, and hitting on 21 year old bouncers. Nice to know that at 30, I still got it.
Dexter is a Portugese Water Dog

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Bossa the Zombie Cat.

I am coming to get you!Scott would be the first to tell you that I am not a fan of zombies. I can't handle them, not in books, movies, tv shows, music videos, nothing. As you can imagine, to have them infiltrating my dreams is even more disturbing. Plus, having my cat Bossa turn into a zombie cat - just awful.

The dream: Bossa (aka "Captain Bitchface") is trying to jump over the baby gate at the top of our stairs. She is totally freaking out, hissing and scratching and clawing and the likes. I know that she wants to attack our other cat Samba, so I am swatting at Bossa, not letting her up the stairs (note, at this point, she is just a normal cat, not yet a zombie cat). She is getting super crazed, so I give her a real hard swat, which sends her flying. In my dream, our staircase is spiral, and there is a clear path down to the floor below (neither are true in the reality that is my relatively small house). Bossa drops straight down, head first and lands with a sickening crack on the ceramic tile below. She isn't moving, and Scott and I both run downstairs to see if she is okay. Scott picks her up and cradles her in his lap, and that's when her eyes start swelling. And they are bright yellow, and they are getting bigger and bigger, and popping out of the sockets and then the EXPLODE. So, for some reason, we assume she is dead, so we leave her and go to get a box to put her in. When we come back in, we see her, not dead at all. She is doing the zombie march down our hallway, but she is blind, because her eyes exploded. So, we are standing there in our hallway, with the blind zombie cat marching towards us.

Weird dream, eh? I told Scott about it and he started singing "Zombie cat, zombie cat" to the Spiderman theme music. He agreed that my dream was disturbing. I think that forever more, Bossa will be referred to (lovingly) as Zombie Cat.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Cogeco Internet and VOIP: Up and down like a whiskey dick.

This is not me and Scott, we're sitting on our couch scowling like mother fuckers.
See, I was initially excited about getting VOIP (voice over IP) from Cogeco when Scott mentioned it to me last month. I mean, it meant getting rid of Ma-Bell for once and for all, and I figured it would be kind of cool to lead the way into the next generation of technology. Plus the long distance within North America 24-7 at no extra cost – that doesn’t suck.

But you want to know what does suck? What does suck is that at 4pm today, when I was expecting a very important phone call and/or email by end of business day Friday, neither my phone nor my internet connection were working. And insult to injury, neither was my cable, so no television to distract me from the fact that neither my god damn PHONE nor my INTERNET connection were working. So, I called dear Cogeco, and explained my situation to them. Apparently, if I am the only person in my neighbourhood bitching and moaning, they don’t give a fuck, and they will send someone out on Saturday. Saturday! So, I guess the fact that I spend upwards of $150 a month with them is not worth their time. The fact that NONE OF THEIR SHIT-ASS services are working, that is NOT THEIR PROBLEM.

Well fuck you Cogeco. As I type this, my phone and internet have been up and down like a whiskey dick (all talk, no delivery). That 8 hour phone battery backup doesn’t do me a fuck lot of good if my cable modem is blinking like a Christmas tree. Now I understand why the first month is free. You are lucky my husband is more patient than me, because if I had my way, we would have cancelled our television, internet and phone today. Eventually though, I will have my way, so you better ship the fuck up or I will kick you to the curb, don’t even kid.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you were thinking about getting VOIP, from Cogeco, wait…a while. A long long while. They have miles to go before they sleep. Also, their installation technicians leave all their garbage and boxes behind when they are finished, and despite requests to confirm that your internet is up and running, they will wave you off like you are a dumb blonde and say “yes, yes, it is working” but really it isn’t, and then you get to spend a half hour waiting to get through to Cogeco by phone, I mean, assuming your phone is working. Not a great customer experience.

PS Alana: See, it is hard to come off as sappy and sentimental when you say “fuck” and “shit” a lot. Also, CAPS, not so sentimental.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

My baby got back.

oh, I got CURVES alright!

I don't usually get up on my soap box (aka blog) and sing the praises of mass marketed products, but hott damn - the Gap got it right with these new curvy jeans of theirs! See, after visiting Jennifer and having the demoralizing experience of trying on the new Seven/7 jeans that are all the rage, and realizing, they just don't even make them in my size (ouch) plus they cost about $300 (double ouch) I was super thrilled to give these curvy jeans a shot. So, thank you Gap, for not penalizing me just because I got a booty, my thighs touch, I am only 5'4 (love the ankle length!) and I do not want to have to wax to wear my jeans. Shoot, you know what I'm talkin' about with those ultra-low-rise (my hip bones will act as my belt) jeans. Also, I don't want the world to see my ass crack when I bend over, and I also don't want to be tugging at my shirt to make sure my back isn't peeking out. So if you struggle with finding the right pair of jeans, and you are not a stick figure, I strongly encourage you to go give these a try. They're also on sale now for $55 a pair...bootyous.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Brandon *is* an ass-hat.

Suzie is bitter bitter bitter!In contrast to last night, Brooke actually wore a lot of clothes (for her anyway). Weird leggings... channeling her inner skid chick I guess.

Bottom 3, as promised was Suzie, Brandon and Jessica. Props from the band to Marty and Ty (no surprise there). Brandon is such an ass-hat, if they don’t kick him off I may have to boycott the show. Lol – Suzie looked SO PISSED OFF to be in the bottom 3 AGAIN! I think she just doesn’t connect with the audience, regardless of how good she may be live.

Save your skin songs:

Jessica – Disappear
I am kind of hoping Jessica “disappears” in the next week or so. Damn she was pitchy and she is just too cutesy for my liking. We all know she isn’t right for INXS, why prolong the misery?

Brandon – Don’t Lose Your Head
I don’t get why they gave him another bluesy song – maybe they knew it would be his final song so they wanted him to end strong. Pitchy like all hell AND he forgot the words. Not cool dude.

Suzie – Bitter Tears (aka “Suzie’s Bottom 3 Tears of Bitterness”)
Bad key – it makes her seem like she is singing with low energy. Things seemed to pick up once the song got rolling. Boy was the rhinestone fly on her crotch distracting.

Anyway, I’m happy Brandon is gone and we won’t have to listen to him yowl at the moon next week. If I was the band I would have turfed Jessica as well, but now they have an almost even split of guys to girls.

Current favs to win: Marty, Mig, J.D. (in that order)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Sausagefest 2005 – The search continues.

Brooke is hottApologies for the lack of blog on Monday’s show. I couldn’t find it because those wankers at CBS ditched it off to VH1 and I assumed that meant it wouldn't be on in Canada. Stephanie, with her magical powers watched it so I’ll have to assume that it was available somewhere, or her dreams are just really fucking vivid.

So, onto Tuesday’s night. Where are Brooke’s pants? Did she lose them in the divorce? Scott likes her juicy legs. Dave Navarro wants her to take her top off. Good times.

Suzie – Losing My Religion
I’m glad she skipped the acapella intro she was considering because that would have blown big chunks. I think she was trying to hard to rock with a song that doesn’t really want to rock all that hard. Weird pants…did she buy them at Tallcrest (Mincemeat Vixen’s favourite store)? The band really liked it, me not so much. I did like the Joan Osborne look though with the hair and long earrings. Would have been better if she hooked her nose ring up though.

Mig – All Right Now
He totally captured the right mood of the song and sang rhythmically which I appreciate. He just grooved his hot little ass off. I didn’t love the pinstripe pants (are the singers passing those around?) but how can you not ogle that body? I agree with the band that he should sing a ballad. Go Mig!

J.D. – Crazy
Damn J.D.’s a cock SOB. Jennifer would have approved of that eyeliner though. Kind of a weird song for him to cover – he had no flow to the melody and sang it all punchy style (too rhythmic….). I’ve seen Seal live and J.D. didn’t do this song justice, I mean, he missed the entire point of the song. I don’t agree with Dave that he did a great job, but I do agree with the band that he was pitchy.

Jessica – Come As You Are
I have no idea why she picked this song, it’s like she wants to fail. First off, she looked all crazy glam and second off, this was a karaoke rendition if I ever heard one. She may have been feeling passionate, but I’m with Dave and the band – she was going through the motions and it just didn’t come across. This song isn’t the challenging vocally so I think she should have picked a song that would show off her voice.

Jordis – Layla
Even the golden child can stink up the joint every once and a while. I think it was a touch of fast and I just didn’t feel the bittersweet of Eric Clapton. She sang it like an upbeat party mix and there were evident vocal problems. Maybe she was partying it up too much with her birthday celebrations. The band totally digs her scene, so whatever.

Rock 'n Roll mutha fuckers!

Brandon – It’s All Over Now
Appropriate song title, because this dude is on borrowed time. While I understand going back to his comfort zone, it just made it clearer to me that the only thing he has any business singing is blues/classic rock. He looked like a fucking epilectic seal with all that crazy dancing. I still have no love for him. He isn’t strong vocally and when he goes outside of what he knows, he blows.

Marty – Mr. Bright Side
Marty has a good head on his shoulders, and I dig his scene. At first I wasn’t sure about doing this song acoustic, but the risk seemed to pay off for him. He sings the song better than the lead singer of the Killers (live anyway). Dave loved it, J.D. looked pissed that he didn’t think of it first, and the band lurved it. Yeah Marty!

Deanna – Long Train Running
Her hair looks great pulled back and she sounded awesome. It is clear that the stage band digs playing with her. While I know she has some vocal problems, her voice is monstrous and she sings her ass off. It is funny to me that Dave thinks she is so hott because she doesn’t dress like a slut at all (I’m looking at you Jessica…and Brooke). The band is dead on that she sometimes oversings, and it is interesting that they want he to strip it back and do a song that will expose her voice more (the very thing she is hoping to avoid).

Ty – No Woman No Cry
I love that Brooke called his performance from last week “underwhelming”. What a cunt. I mean, she is one to talk, she looked like she was wearing a bird’s nest. He sang with no vibrato, thank gawd. I’m glad he was the one to sing this song, because if I had to listen to Suzie or some white chick sing it I’d have to mute the sound. He seemed pretty chilled out overall, though I did not did the vocal wankery at the end. Thank goodness the band finally dug him, it’s about time.

Bottom 3 is easy this week: Suzie, Jessica Brandon.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Rockstar INXS: Can-Con stands strong.

Every blog post should really start with a hott pic of Brooke BurkeQuick synopsis of Monday's half-hour of rocker posturing before I jump into the reviews of last night's most eXcellent show:

I wonder how drunk the show's producers get the rockers before they roll camera? Also, are they drinking beer out of those red coloured wine glasses? Kinda sudsy for merlot. Totally cheesey family moment with Marty's sister shows up. Wtf is this, Survivor? They are holed up in a fuckin' mansion in LA for gawd's sake, not the middle of Africa. Also, she has letters for him? Correct me if I'm wrong, but they all have cell phones. Whatever. I really need to stop watching the Monday night show. The only redeeming thing was the little vocal clinic with Ron Anderson (never heard of him). The whole hold your jaw, stick your tongue out bit is pretty standard (so, I'm saying he isn't some vocal guru, he is just a singing teacher). I guess if you have never had lessons before that stuff would be earth shattering, but I don't buy it. I didn't get the humm and swallow thing, that just makes no sense. I LOVED that Brandon was all "I like where I'm at, I don't want any help". What a JACKASS!! Idiot!! I agreed with good ol' Ron about Deanna's voice being very effected, but she seems to get at decent sound going regardless. I can't imagine how awful it would be to have a singing lesson in front of nine other people you are competing with, Dave Navarro and INXS. Not fun.

Tuesday night and everything's all right:
Again, Dave N. is wearing a shirt. Brooke Burke looks like she killed a robin and a Christmas tree for her outfit. She seems pretty hit and miss.

Mig - We Will Rock You
I guess the white jeans are okay as it is still before Labour day, but they are not my favourite. I found his singing a little "talky", and he dropped a few notes here and there. It might have been the drums only version of the song that caused that, it is hard to sing with no harmony. Overall a bit of a wankfest, but I like Mig, lip gloss and all. Dave N. may have been hitting on him at the end, but uh, so it goes.

Deanna looks better without those dumb braids
Deanna - I'm the Only One
Love her hair, still love her voice, despite the vocal teacher crapping all over her and stressing her out. She is such a strong rock singer, and INXS clearly lurves her. I don't get the whole mixture of brown and black leather, but hey, I'm not a rocker. Pretty cool how she came up and rocked right in their faces. I loved that Dave N. threw that dig at J.D. out there by complementing her on "keeping it together" with her sister in the audience. HAH!

Marty - With Arms Wide Open
I hate Creed, so so much. Yuck. As Scott points out, the only band worse than Creed is Nickleback. Marty was kind of distracting with the weird arm seizures, looked like he was doing a epilectic robot dance. He did a great job singing a shitty song. Dave N. was absolutely right that Marty did sing it better than the original, but I still hate it. INXS LOVES him.

Ty - Everlong
Sounds like Ty got rid of the "show tune" vibrato (as per the suggestion of Ron in the vocal clinic). He is so cute. The stage band rocked their asses off. I don't love the song, but I think he pulled it off. Dave N. said he had some pitch issues and missed a few entrances, but I didn't notice and INXS dug it.

Jessica - Blister In the Sun
As you may have guessed, I am not Jessica's number one fan. She did this weird nasally thing with her voice on this song that I hated. I think the key was about a minor 3rd too low. Also, a little too cute for me, and she continues to dance like a backup dancer for James Brown (you know the ones - the white chicks in the bikinis that come out when he gets tired). I did like that Jessica told Dave N. that "this is it, this is who I am". INXS seemed to like it fine, though I think they were just enjoying the "show".

Brandon - If You Could Only See
This guy has no sense of rhythm. He kept doing this weird punctuated "if-you-could" thing that sounded like he was trying to punch the words through my forehead, or like he was stabbing a porkchop. I loved his vocal slipup "if-you-could....I love me". How true. Actually, it is pretty evident how much Brandon loves himself. I think I am not objective when it comes to Brandon - I keep wishing him ill.

Jordis - The Man Who Sold the World
She was clearly feeling it, but she managed to keep her composure. I love her timbre, and she sings really in tune. She definitely has the "it" factor. Dave N. and INXS totally dig her. I think that we'll be seeing more of her after this show, even when INXS inevitably picks a dude. She'll go on to something better.

J.D. is a bit of a punk ass bitch
J.D. - The Letter
The disses being directed at J.D. didn't seem to hurt him, I'd say they just fueled the fire and fed his confidence. He definitely rocked out with the cock out. I think he was channeling some Elvis with that swagger, and I didn't dig his convulsing dance moves at all. Dave N. and INXS loved it, but after last week, he had to do something big, so he definitely came out tits up, hammer out.

Comme ci, Comme ca
Tara - Message In A Bottle
Too fast!! What is it with the stage band and Sting songs? I wonder if they speed up the tempos to get the songs done in the allotted amount of time? Anyway, it is obnoxious. I thought she looked good, sounded good, but there was something tentative about her, like she is so nervous to get kicked off. Funny thing is that I want Tara to do well, but I personally don't find her all that compelling and I don't think INXS does either. Weird question they asked her about whether or not she "liked doing covers". Essentially any singer they select will be doing pretty much all INXS covers so they better be good at it.

We all know Suzie isn't right for their band
Suzie - Get Back
She seemed pretty comfortable up there, rockin' in her pinstripe pants (probably better suited for the office than a rock show). Interesting song choice because this song has a lot of instrumental space and last time I checked this was a singing competition of sorts. I think she nailed the vibe and mood of the song, and it seemed like INXS liked that she let the band solo without singing on top of them.

It is going to be a hard choice tonight with all of these strong performances. Ultimately the singers that are "just not right for the band" will stand out though. My prediction for tonight is that Jessica and Tara will for sure be in the bottom three, and hopefully Brandon will too (likely wishful thinking on my part).

Monday, August 01, 2005

The time it takes to get from here to there.

I had a long overdue visit with Jennifer this weekend (it involved me getting off my "everybody-comes-to-Toronto-eventually-lazy-butt" and taking the train to Ottawa). I love Ottawa, mostly because Jennifer lives there, but also because it just seems like a more chilled out city. Drivers don't freak out, people aren't so concerned about being super stylish, movie tickets are under $10. Really very civilized if you think about it.
Me with Potter and Hannah
Jennifer's 30th birthday is on Tuesday, so I was also visiting to celebrate with her. Typically our visits include hanging out, reading gossip/fashion magazines, shopping and eating. This weekend did not disappoint. Jennifer picked a yoga shirt from Lululemon for her birthday gift, and we then proceeded to drink wine/beer after and laugh our asses off at their over the top newsletter. They take themselves very seriously for an overpriced yoga store. I mean, to say that your clothing provides people with the components to live a longer, healthier and more fun life is a pretty big claim. Let's just be clear - they sell stretchy breathable clothes for yoga...when did they become financial and health experts (their manifesto also suggests that one not trust that an old age pension will be sufficient)? Hopefully it is tongue in cheek...but still, very odd. Also, children are NOT the orgasm of life. That's just creepy.

Anyway back to the trip. The thing I love about Jennifer, (well, one of them, there are many) is that we have known each other since we were nine years old, so there is a ton of history between us, yet there are also some gaps. We were driving back to her house from one of our shopping trips, and somehow the topic of losing one's virginity came up. We were both pretty happy about the fact that we managed to wait until we were 19 (me almost 20!) before we did the deed. I needed reminding about who her first was - her boyfriend at University. She needed no reminding of who my first was as there was much drama and heartbreak (as usual with one's first) involved. She summed it up in one sentence: "Boring, boring, Murray" to which I followed up with "Gay, gay, Ryan". You do the math.

We also saw "Wedding Crashers" which I had negligible expectations of but found quite amusing, and I took Jennifer for Thai food for her birthday dinner. So, great weekend with a great lady, fine food, wine, shopping, and mucho four-legged beasts. I will have to make it back this fall to see the leaves turn. Maybe next time I'll bring Scott.