A Little Less Television, A Little More Action Please.

Our big, fancy, behemoth television has been acting funky for the past few weeks. The colour seemed a bit off - a bit "trippy". We called in a tv repair guy, who dismantled it, announced it was the "colour-something-or-other-thingy" and that would be $400 to fix. Awesome. He put the tv back together, and we told him we needed to think about it. When we went to turn the tv back on, omg, the guy had made it SO MUCH WORSE. It was now completely unwatchable. Bloody hell.

We dragged the little tv up from the basement and hooked it up to the cable. The problem is that we can't hook the dvd player and PVR up to this tv. You know what this means? I watched the Grey's Anatomy finale on a crappy little tv instead of in beautiful high def. And No Dora! No access to the 50 hours of Dora we have recorded. No Dora dvds. The kids, they love their Dora. And I love that they love their Dora. And we have a long weekend coming up! And it is supposed to RAIN all weekend. Did I say Awesome already?? Not that I condone parking your kids in front of the tv all day, but come on, we all use the tv to distract when we need to get something done, or dog forbid, need a break.

Scott and his dad have promised me this will be resolved one way or another by Tuesday. Until then, I'll be watching whatever Treehouse serves up and renting movies through itunes (I hear that Liam Neeson movie "Taken" is out). Or, maybe I'll go for a walk and look at the trees...

America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 8: Season Premiere

I’m not going to lie, I shrieked with glee when I heard that America’s Next Top Model was starting up again this week. I’m not sure what I love more, seeing Tyra Banks dress up like a drag queen or laughing at pretty girls crying, but this show makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I love the smell of hair and makeup in the morning

The always ridiculous Miss J and the lovely Jay Manuel (Canadian!) enter the show in a Jeep sporting army fatigues. Love it. Apparently they are breaking these want-to-be models in with a little boot camp. I immediately start looking for the token fat chick (sorry, plus size model). The girls are dressed in white tank tops, capris, and high heeled black boots. Completely ridiculous, but totally funny to see them trying to march in 3 inch heels. I spot the “fatties” - Whitney and Diana, both gorgeous, both 21.

Enter Tyra, step dancing a la American colleges in the South. I’m not going to lie; her dancing reminds me of Beyonce (meaning, no grace, no rhythm, no time). She’s an altogether hot mess. Also, it is no wonder she is showing some love to the plus size girls, Tyra is moving in that direction herself. Lay off the cheeseburgers girl!

The show quickly moves to the model intros. Not everyone gets featured. Apparently there are 20 girls here, but I only count 18 getting highlighted. They make the cut in the usual brutal fashion by releasing the girls into a room where they either have an invite with their picture on it to a fashion party or they don’t. Tears of joy and sadness ensue as the girls lose their minds for the first of many times. I sip my wine and smirk, thinking, it really is too bad that the girl with over 20 tattoos got the boot, that would have been fun.

Kathleen, 20 – all about the bod and afro, but dumb as a rock


Sarah, 20 – smart, photographer, blondie, super confident



Cassandra, 24 – looks like Wonder Woman threw up all over her, long face, bad weave! Amazing body!


Brittany, 21, loud talker, potentially deaf girl



Natasha, 21 – Mail order Russian bride living in Texas, married to a 40 year old (wow!) She has quite an ego on her, and not making a lot of friends. I think the girls pretty much despise her

Samantha, 19 – Southern girl with crazy eyebrows and a missing tooth (hawt!). Smacks of hillbilly


Dionne, 20 – loves modeling and denistry (odd?), could talk the paint off a barn and looks a bit like Tamia


Jaslene, 20 – repeat from ANTM 7, Latina with personality, likes to thank the lord a lot


Renee, 20 – married with a 7 month old son, very determined, cries easily, self-proclaimed catty girl, looks a bit like Christina Applegate’s little sister, very critical of everyone

Whitney, 21 – plus size girl #1, looks AWESOME in a bikini, likes to thank Jesus for her success


Jael, 21 – bad hair, big cry baby, background is ½ black ½ German, shows up to the first panel in a red tutu and pink tank top, gotta love her for that

Diana, 21 – plus size model #2 – wants to be first plus size model to win ANTM – dad is a big jerk for making her feel bad about gaining weight and she does not look nearly as good in a bikini as Whitney

Felicia, 19 – bad drawn in eyebrows – nickname is “baby Tyra” (she wishes!), also one who likes to thank Jesus



1st Photo Shoot with Nigel (Hawtness) Barker: “Make a Statement”
The girls are given a different political statement to make in each of their photos.

Kathleen – anti-fur
Brittany – pro-fur
Nathasha – pro-choice
Jael – pro-life
Sarah – life in prison
Jaslene – pro-death penalty
Felicia – straight marriage
Whit/Sam – gay marriage
Dionne – vegan
Cassandra – meat eater
Renee – anti-gun
Diana – pro-gun

Best line of the night:
“We open up the doors and it’s like freakin’ heaven!” (Kathleen describing the white stretch Hummer limo that arrives to drive the girls to their house)

1st Challenge: One Woman’s Trash is another Woman’s treasure

The girls are brought to a Goodwill store where Phillip Bloch, stylist to the stars, appears and gives them three minutes to pick out an outfit to model. Then they have to walk a runway where their outfits will be auctioned off. The outfit that gets the most money wins.

Jael’s outfit wins and then snobby Renee criticizes her because she thinks Jael has an unfair advantage because she clearly shops at thrift stores all the time. HAHAHA! These girls were best friends just hours ago. Later, Renee takes her aside and has a heart-to-heart with her. Jael decides she is way too much work and ditches her. Likely a good decision on Jael’s part.

1st Panel: Tyra, Nigel, Miss J, and Twiggi

Tyra looks like she is auditioning for Pirates of the Caribbean. Also, if she puts one more coat of mascara on her fake eyelashes I fear she will need 2x4’s to hold her eyes open.

The judges go to town, critiquing the girls up and down:

Jael – face was flat in the picture, she made excuses about feeling sick, but she has an exotic look
Natasha – boring pic with no expression, blends into the wall behind her
Dionne – pretty face, but no neck in the photo and her jaw looks big
Cassandra – clearly likes meat, but not a pretty picture and does not look like a model
Renee – for all her bitchiness, she looks scared, timid, and nervous, with no photographic savvy
Diane – no movement in her pic, weak in the eyes, deadpan expression
Kathleen – bland expression, this girl is dumb as a stone, a little slow, clueless, and to quote Miss J, a “straight up Brooklyn hoochie”
Brittany – strong photograph, striking
Samantha – great jaw and neck line
Whitney – nice photo, but needed to find a way to show off body more with angles
Felicia – looks like she could be in Bridal magazine, beautiful bone structure
Jasleen – strong photograph, great eyes, fierce and scary looking
Sarah – blah photo with no expression, though she has a lot of potential

The Deliberation:
I’m hoping they send Kathleen home. She is unapologetically ignorant. I am rooting for Jasleen, Sarah and Whitney, in no particular order.

Return to the house, pack your belongings and go home!:
Kathleen – see ya!

American Idol: Queen For a Day (and I'm not talking about Seacrest).

This is a great songbook for American Idol to use. Vocally challenging, strong melodies, what's not to like? Well, most of these songs are pretty long, so they were tough to fit into the short format. Otherwise, I enjoyed the show. I still think that this is a pretty weak top 8, but maybe I am just waxing poetic about past seasons. Just seems that we have seen stronger singers than we are seeing this year.

On with it:

Bucky Covington: Fat Bottomed Girls
Good song selection for Bucky. He makes everything sound like CCR though. The song kind of plodded along for me and it felt like he was just concentrating on getting the lyrics right. Also, I don't really believe that he likes fat bottomed girls.

Ace Young: We Will Rock You
They shouldn't let Ace talk too much...his brain really is an empty vessel. Lol - Ace trying to get Queen to play his crappy arrangement of We Will Rock You. Hah. I didn't hate the way he started but the backgrounds of "We will, we will rock you" were so weak that they didn't support the energy he was trying to convey. Bad choice on trying to change the melody, and I don't think the song ever really peaked.

Kellie Pickler: Bohemian Rhapsody
Wow - that's ballz picking this song. Nice boots! A bit pitchy to start, but once she started singing in her chest voice she sounded surprisingly good - she even added some grit that helped her rock out. The short arrangement was horrible though and the song didn't really make sense the way it played out. Like Ace, they should limit her talking time. Ouch - not a lot going on upstairs.

Chris Daughtry: Innuendo
I'm not surprised that Queen liked him. Interesting that they never performed this song live. He really was in his element singing this song. Pitch was on, he definitely rocked out. I think he would do much better singing in front of a band where he can interact with them, versus being by himself on stage. This guy has such a powerful voice, he is always going to blow everyone away in the rock category. I agree with Simon that it would have been nice to hear him sing one of their more well known songs.

Katharine McPhee: Who Wants to Live Forever
Ugh. Do we really need to hear the Disney version of this song? Poor Freddy, he's probably spinning in his grave. Now that we all know what Katharine's tonsils look like, we can sleep easy. She belongs in the Miss America pageant, not on American Idol. Also, who is doing her makeup? Linda Ronstadt's stylist?

Elliot Yamin: Somebody to Love
Gawd he is cheesy. I felt like he was about to spontaneously break into "Camptown Races". I felt zero soul in this rendition. I am really trying to find something to like about him, but I just can't. The short arrangement didn't help him either, but I just can't get over how much I dislike him. Maybe we knew eachother in a past life and he was mean to me?

Taylor Hicks: Crazy Little Thing Called Love
What a relief that he didn't sing We Are the Champions. The song he picked was a much better fit for him. I didn't mind his version of it, as long as I looked away from the tv. I can't handle his antics. But his vocal was one of the better ones of the night (can you believe I just said that?).

Paris Bennett: The Show Must Go On
Of course Queen liked Paris - she is one of the only finalists that can actually sing. She owned this song, she owned the stage, unapologetically. It was nice to see her break away from the R&B, and to see her do it so successfully. I hope America is smart enough to keep her on the show.

Worst Performances: Ace, Elliot, Katharine
Best Performances: Paris, Chris, Taylor

American Idol: Obscure songs of the 21st century.

As much as I was relieved to see that last night's American Idol was only an hour long, I knew that something had to give, and it wasn't going to be the number of commercials. Moving from a two hour format with 11 singers to a one hour format with 10 singers means one thing and one thing only - shorter song arrangements. The combination of these shorter song arrangements (basically verse-chorus-bridge-outro) and some very odd, safe song selections led to an underwhelming night of singing. Part of me was left wondering, why the hell don't the producers of American Idol help these singers out with their song selection? To just say "pick a song from the 21st century" is likely too much leeway. After a couple of weeks of being forced out of their comfort zones (Stevie Wonder and Songs of the 50's) each and every one of these singers picked songs that they were very familiar and comfortable with, regardless of if they would be songs that would showcase their talent or be something that the audience would connect with. It seems to me that most of these singers have not yet figured out the importance of picking songs that the masses are familiar with. We are not connected to these singers yet, so if they want our votes, they need to sing songs that we know and love and sing them well. I would have limited their selections to Billboard #1's of the 21st century. I'm just sayin' is all.

Here we go:

Lisa Tucker: Because of You
When I heard she was singing a Kelly Clarkson song that is still getting radio play I thought "uh oh that's going nowhere good". And I was right. For her to do this song, she needed to bring something special to it, she needed to sing it better than Kelly and that just wasn't going to happen. Her over belting forced her to sing slightly under pitch for the entire song and my throat ached just listening to her. Simon was dead on with his comment that "the song was too big for your voice". Much to big. Lisa, I hope you have your bags packed.

Kellie Pickler: Suds In the Bucket
I'm guessing that country music fans know this song? I'm not familiar with it, so I didn't feel the connection I did with last week's Patsy Cline cover. The song was cute and she sang it well (except that last note on "Loooooooooooooove" - that was pretty rank). I never understand why singers let a good song end on a bad note - pull it together and leave your audience wanting more! The song was not vocally challenging and didn't really show off her voice (we all know she can sing country). I would have liked to see her sing something a bit tougher like a Faith Hill or Shania Twain ballad. Then we would have been able to compare her to something we are familiar with, and figure out where she stacks up against the greats.

Ace Young: Drops of Jupiter
I had to laugh when Ace said he wanted to do something that rocked...lol...this rocks...if you're Coldplay. Again, not a challenging song, but I actually disagreed with the judges. I thought this was one of his better performances of the last three weeks. This genre suited his voice much better and I found him a lot more tolerable to listen to this week. Best part was Paula offering to inspect his scar a little closer - I guess she didn't learn her lesson from last season's scandal?

Taylor Hicks: Trouble
With six years of songs to choose from, this is the song he selects? I mean, I know Footloose was off the table, but this really was an odd pick. I suppose I should be happy that he stood still and didn't torture us with his horrible dancing. The song didn't go anywhere, it was a bad arrangement and the short song format didn't help matters. Hey Taylor - Jay Leno called and he wants his hair and chin back. 29 my ass.

Mandisa: Praise You
The key was too low for the first verse, though she got it sorted out when she vaulted into her upper register. We all know Mandisa has a great gospel voice and she reinforced it with her performance. If I were her, I would have done a song by Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, or Mary J. Blige. To sing something obscure like this didn't help her connect with anyone who doesn't already listen to a lot of gospel music (and those folks are already voting for her anyway). In addition, this song was never able to settle in with the short arrangement. It sounded like one verse plus a bunch of vocal improvisation - not something my ear was able to nail down and relate to.

Chris Daughtry: What If
Okay, so I absolutely loathe Creed. With every cell of my being... so it is hard for me to judge this song. He certainly rocked, but as Scott pointed out (Scott got stuck watching the show with me because dinner was ready just as American Idol came on - hah!) he seemed pretty stiff. When he got into the repetitive "What if, what if, what if" part of the song it sounded like he was a pregnant lady straining to have a bowel movement (too much information you say?). Again, not vocally challenging and definitely playing it safe. It will take more to win this than contest than performances like this.

Katharine McPhee: The Voice Within
Similar to Lisa's performance, if you are going to tackle a song by an artist with the talent of Christina Aguilera, you better be able to knock it out of the park. She started her performance in her upper register which sounded weak because it is actually a part of the song where Christina Aguilera is belting. It only succeeded in highlighting that she isn't in the same league as our favourite Lady Marmalade. If anything, this song gave me a lot more respect for the strength of Christina Aguilera's live performances. Katharine sang this at about 65% of the original - and again, the short arrangement killed her.

Bucky Covington: Real Good Man
This may shock you, but this was one of my favourite performances of the night. As much as I don't like Bucky's voice, this was the perfect song for him. It was mainstream enough that even I was familiar with it and it didn't tax him vocally or highlight his weaknesses. Since Bucky isn't a singer with a lot of vocal prowess, this is a good thing. He seemed relaxed and comfortable and that helped me sit back and enjoy his performance for what it was.

Paris Bennett: Work It Out
Paris is awesome. She is probably a better singer than Beyonce (live anyway) and she has great stage presence. She was the only singer all night who came out and nailed her song right from the start, straight through to the end. She might want to work on those dance moves, she and Beyonce should take some classes together (as Beyonce could also use some help in that arena). I think Paris's challenge in this competition will be singing with more emotional maturity (she's great when she is singing hip/upbeat songs, but I have yet to hear her dig deep and sing beyond her 17 years).

Elliot Yamin: I Don't Want to Be
I have a hate on for this guy. Plus he forgot some of the words right off the top. Boo. Yet again, he wasn't singing in the pocket. It's all well and good to switch up the rhythm of a song if you can stay in the groove and if it actually improves upon the original, but all he ended up doing was singing slightly behind (two-shoes-in-a-dryer syndrome). He seemed almost out of breath as well. Perhaps those bad hip hop dance moves (bouncing on the spot) wore him out. I got tired just having to watch and listen to him.

Worst Performances: Lisa, Katharine, Taylor
Best Performances: Paris, Mandisa, Bucky

American Idol: To Barry Manilow (and all your cheesy ass stylin').

Last night's theme was music from the 50's - a much more singer friendly theme than last week's Stevie Wonder debacle. Barry Manilow was the artist in residence who was there to supposedly coach/inspire the singers. Turns out that all he did was shill his new Greatest Hits album and add in unnecessary key changes to almost every song. Thanks for that Barry. Because of you I had to endure 2 hours of over the top song endings and key modulations that would make a Band Arranging 101 professor cry.

Okay, on with it:

Mandisa: I Don't Hurt Anymore
This woman can sing, there is no denying it and this was a fantastic song choice for her. She was in her comfort zone and knocked it out of the park. She is one of those singers that really has no vocal limitations and her only challenge is reigning in all that power. To top it off she has incredible stage presence and oozes personality. One of my favourites to go the duration for sure.

Bucky Covington: Oh Boy
Dude. I don't think he hit the right notes on the words "all my love" (think "trumpet/taps") once. His pitch was all over the place and his gravely voice is really working my last nerve. Thanks to Barry we were treated to a gratuitous key change that added nothing to the song. I completely agree with Simon on this one on the karaoke/"so what" comments. Bucky's days are numbered (if America has any kind of sense...).

Paris Bennett: Fever
Right off the bat I was wondering if she could keep this song reigned in before she blew the doors off (I call this Celine Dion syndrome - starting at 95% and quickly escalating to 200%). She did a pretty good job, though I thought there were some weird rhythmic things going on that made her sound not quite in the pocket. In the second half of the song she completely lost the melody and made some poor note choices (speaking strictly from a jazz perspective). But she's too young to know that and I doubt most people have the training/ears to even understand what I am talking about. Just trust me. Still a favourite though - the girl has a great voice and spunk.

Chris Daughtry: Walk the Line
He started out really well but completely missed the low note on "Because your MINE". Gotta hit that note dude - it's what makes the song. Anyway, I do like Chris as a singer/performer, I think he'll likely go quite far in the competition - but - I do take issue with his cover/interpretation of this classic. The thing about covering a song, is you are supposed to do two things: the first is make it your own, the second is pay tribute while respecting the key elements of the song. He altered this song so much that I wouldn't have even recognized it if they hadn't told me what he was singing. There is a reason the song was written the way it was and he pretty much just rewrote the melody using the same chord structure. But the judges loved it and they think he is being "true" to himself and that he is an "artist". I just can't wait to see what he does when he has to sing a show tune (I'm picturing a thrash metal version of "Pennies From Heaven"!).

Katharine McPhee: Come Rain or Come Shine
I think Katharine is a great performer and has a nice big voice, but she has some weird vocal quirks that she needs to work on. At the beginning of her song she was doing something weird with her jaw that made her voice sound a bit strange and messed up her vowels - I think she likes the overly stylized/Liza Minnelli sound this produces, but it doesn't work on her. I thought her performance was very Vegas/Miss America Pageantish. The band was awesome and it was a real big band arrangement which I don't think she capitalized on at all. Her last note was horribly out of tune. Wow - am I being hard on these singers or what? Bottom line is that America will love this girl for all of her cheesy-Kathy-Lee-Gifford qualities and she'll be in the final 5 for sure.

Taylor Hicks: Not Fade Away
I just don't get this guy's appeal. He truly is a cross between Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald - with all the cheesy moves and über white guy appeal to go along with it. By the way - why aren't there any black men in the top 12 this year? How can that be? In fact, aren't they all about as vanilla as you can get? No Latin flava either? What the funk? I have nothing to say about Taylor except that his song didn't go anywhere and I wish he would stand up straight for once. He'll probably do decently in the competition because all the old people will vote for him because they feel like he is their peer. Silver fox my ass.

Lisa Tucker: Why Do Fools Fall In Love
What the hell was she wearing? She looked like something Banarama threw up. She started out a little behind the beat and out of sync. I think she never really recovered from the weak start. The band arrangement really distracted from the vocals, and it didn't help that she forgot the words. Clearly her nerves got the best of her as she delivered what was easily the weakest performance of the evening. Bottom three for sure, if not a ticket home.

Kevin Covais: When I Fall In Love
Singing softly and intimately does not mean singing with no support. Chicken Little also sang with way too much vibrato and was really pitchy throughout. The song never went anywhere and at times I thought he sounded like a little lamb bahing at the moon. I know that he has the Clay Aitken fan club supporting him, so unfortunately we're going to be listening to this little runt for quite a while, which truly saddens me. Also? Who's Hugh? "When I Fall in Love with Hugh?". Maybe he's more like Clay Aitken than I thought...

Elliot Yamin: Teach Me Tonight
I almost snorted my Perrier through my nose when Barry Manilow told him to try back phrasing a little. This guy is so white he couldn't back phrase his pickup truck into a parking spot let alone phrase something behind the beat. I find Elliot incredibly unmusical - his word stresses are completely wrong and of course we got treated to yet another unnecessary key change. Argh! His closing vocal riff was brutal - I don't understand why the judges love this guy so much. While he may be able to belt out a few high notes, he is as musical as a tree frog.

Kellie Pickler: Walkin' After Midnight
Has Barry Manilow never seen "Coal Miner's Daughter"? How can he not know this song? Regardless, this was a great choice for Kelly to sing. I'm not sure she captured the melancholy nature of the song, but she certainly delivered a strong vocal performance. Another key change out of nowhere - and it threw her off a little, so it really didn't help things. Also, she's a little dim in the brains department...they probably shouldn't let her talk so much. I think she'll make it to about the half way mark in this competition. We don't need another Carrie Underwood just yet.

Ace Young: In the Still of the Night
While Ace is definitely the cutie of the competition I think his talent is limited. This was a pretty wishy washy vocal delivery, with a bit of Vegas stylin' thrown in for good measure. Also, he was doing something weird with his mouth (singing out the side of it?) that really impacted his vowels and pitch. I'm not sure why they decided to close the show with him, maybe because they made him go first last time? I'd put him in the bottom three again.

Worst Performances: Lisa, Bucky, Ace
Best Performances: Mandisa, Paris, Chris

American Idol: To Stevie with Love (and apologies).

This is the first American Idol episode I have watched this season. I don't dig on watching a bunch of bad singers get dissed and I don't have enough time to watch Simon et al vet out all the hopefuls to get down to the final 12. So, I am coming at this with no background as to how these singers have performed in previous weeks, I have no connections, I have no idea how much progress anyone has made or if they just had a bad night last night. Nothing.
My first thought in watching the show was "Holy shit, they are making these guys cover Stevie Wonder songs their first night out of the gate?" This seems like a bad idea to me for a few reasons.

1) Stevie Wonder writes some of the hardest material to cover on the face of the earth (he sings it brilliantly and nobody else should ever really try).

2) For the most part, these songs are written for him to sing, and he is a tenor. This means that they don't translate well in other keys so women will have a hard time sounding good covering his material. More on this later.

Okay, my review of last night's performances:

Ace Young: Do I Do
Talk about a porno name, eh? Ace Young? Nice. I thought he started out with high energy and overall he has a good voice. He just never owned the song, he couldn't seem to wrap his voice around it. Also, he's a bit earnest for my liking. Keeners to the back of the bus!

Kellie Pickler: Blame It On the Sun
Carrie Underwood called and she said "you suck!". This was really hard to listen to. She sang with low energy overall and just sounded like she hated the song. I understand that she typically sings country, but man, thank gawd for the short song arrangements. This is a good example of point #2.

Elliot Yamin: Knocks Me Off My Feet
Nice bangs dude. Did you mom cut them for you? This guy is hard to watch. He's the white guy that they let sing in the black gospel choir because he really loves Jesus. I bet Stevie was thinking "damn, how you gonna let some fool mess up my song like that?".

Mandisa: Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing
One name, eh? That's pretty confident, no? She was pitchy at the start but seemed to sing more in the pocket when she got into her higher register. Again, point #2 - it is hard for women to sing songs meant for tenors without completely reworking the melody.

Bucky Covington: Superstition
This is the point in the show where I really started to question my decision to commit two hours of my life to review these singers. Is this really the best that America has to offer us? That said, of all the singers so far, Bucky did the best of making the song his own, gravely voice and all.

Melissa McGhee: Lately
Yet another woman sounding pitchy and low energy, gee, what a surprise. She shouldn't be sitting down at all given this song is already challenging for her. All that does it restrict her breathing and she needs all the help she can get. I thought this performance was brutal, but the judges seemed to like it. A clear case of them hearing something different than what is coming across to the viewers at home.

Lisa Tucker: Signed, Sealed, Delivered
If I were at Healey's, I'd think, "she's a pretty good karaoke singer". But this is American Idol, so I'm thinking "she's pretty weak in her upper register" and she's trying to rock out but it just isn't happening. Again, the judges are hearing something different in the studio than we are hearing at home. This performance didn't translate for me.

Kevin Covais: Part-time Lover
Lol. The fact that this little guy even picked this song is funny. He is the white Erkle. At least he seems to have a sense of humour about it. I can't really hate this guy, it's like watching your little brother at a talent show. You cringe, but hope he does okay.

Katharine McPhee: Until You Come Back to Me
What the hell was she wearing? Regardless, this is the first singer tonight who has actually sang in the pocket. She made a smart choice to sing a song written for a woman to sing, it was actually in a good key for her. I didn't even mind the little bit of twang she added in, I was so happy to hear someone sing decently.

Taylor Hicks: Livin For the City
How old is this dude? I feel like they let Michael McDonald into a high school talent show or something? Isn't there an age limit on this show? He dances like the old people at weddings. Just. Stop.
Paris Bennett: All I Do
She owned this song right off the bat and her voice has an edge to it that works for her. I loved her energy throughout the song and this was by far my favourite performance of the night. The singing during her little Seacrest interview was a bit much, but whatevs.

Chris Daughtry: Higher Ground
This guy has a great rock voice and made a wise choice in terms of song selection. He sang in tune, and didn't try to do all the crazy vocal runs that other singers fell victim to in tonight's show. I didn't love the whole dragging the mic stand around the stage bit, but I always think that looks odd. I'll be interested to see what he does next week.

Worst Performances: Kellie, Elliot, Bucky
Best Performances: Katharine, Paris, Chris

McDreamy vs. McSteamy.

Goodness, Grey's Anatomy sure is going hard on the cliff hangers (you had me at hello!). Let's see, since the infamous Superbowl Shower Scene show, they have ended with Meredith holding a bazooka in some dude's chest, had one action packed bomb exploding extravaganza (with a baby to boot), and now we are left with Meredith peeling George's clothes off him? Wowza. Doesn't take much to get that girl on her back (whachoosay!). My main thoughts about this week's show include:

- McSteamy looked like an older, beefier, hawter version of Leonardo DiCaprio - and if I were Madison, I wouldn't stick around waiting for Derek to forgive my cheatin' ass, I'd be back in NYC with McSteamy who actually loves me and wants me

- I loved the Preston and Cristina dancing scene (nice ipod advertisement...), but I loved it even more when Preston gave her the "I am Preston Burke speech". He is so fine...especially when he is acting all indignant and put upon

- I am still in shock about Meredith gettin' jiggy with George, she is going to break his heart and make things super awkward at work. I think she was so sad from seeing her father she let George's promise of never leaving her win her over, but man, this is going to be some drama...brings to mind the phrase "don't shit where you eat" as in, don't bring the craziness into your household or your workplace Meredith!

Okay, now that I got THAT out of my system -
The SNIPPITY SNIP DEBATE

Up until yesterday morning, I thought that Scott and I had decided to have the little guy circumcised. Mind you, I have always felt the decision was Scott's to make (what do I know about having a penis?). The only opinion I offered was from a "aesthetics" point of view (which is biased because it's all I know), and also the fact that with part of my family being Jewish, most of the men I am related to have in fact been "cut" for religious reasons.

Well, let me tell you, Scott went and done changed his mind! Seems like Scott did some reading (damn internet) and found out that not only is there no proof that circumcision has any medical benefits, but the rate of circumcision in Canada has been dropping steadily in the past ten years. In fact, in 2003, only 12 - 13% of baby boys in Canada were circumcised. I was a bit surprised that this issue was back on the table, so I emailed my best friend Jennifer, asking her what Lisa, her boss at Octopus had done (she is known to be informed in the matters of childbirth and little boys). I promptly received the following email from her:

Lisa says Elliot is not circumcised and this is why:

1. She says, "My friends all had boys and only one of them circumcised her kid and she said it was the worst day of her life. You've spent nine months making this perfect baby and then you cut his skin off."

2. The arguments for circumcision usually go like this: a) it's cleaner, fewer infections - this is not true, no one I or Lisa knows with an uncircumcised child has ever had any trouble. b) his penis should look like his Dad's so he doesn't feel weird - Lisa says, "By the time his penis looks at all like his dad's he's going to be too old to be looking at his Dad's penis anyway."

3. Basically Lisa says there's just no good reason to do it.

And you're right, it is getting to be less and less common as the years go by. No one's going to be laughing at your little boy's penis in the locker room. Like you said, most little boys are uncircumcised these days.

Whew. That's a lot of penis talk for one e-mail.

She's right...that is a lot of penis talk! I'm not really looking for anyone else's opinion on the matter, but if you'd like to comment, feel free.

By the way - I am 31 weeks today (9 more to go!).

Battle of the Balls

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty excited about the finale of Rockstar INXS, as were my friends Dave and Jen. I invited them over to watch the show at our place so we could make an event out of it. Scott was a good sport about the whole thing, though the most he has watched is a verse or chorus here and there, mostly with snide comments. Jen and Dave got all decked out (leather, hair gel, martinis). They weren't kidding around. I wore my pyjamas (yes I am a party girl).

The first surprise was that Brooke was actually wearing clothes. We weren't so sure about her Pepe le peu hair and mismatched boot jewellery, but hey, what do we know? They had all 15 singers back for the show, which was kind of strange (hey loser - look what you don't have). Jen and I were laughing about how we had forgotten that Will and Neal were ever even on the show. Ouch. Dave N. stepped it up and left his shirt at home (back to basics, I like it). Jen aptly pointed out that the final 3 rockers were wearing very heavy makeup this week (maybe it will help them rock harder?).

Early bets at my house were that INXS has known for weeks who they were going to pick, and that pick would be J.D. He had a bit of a smirk on his face the entire show, making me think he already knew the gig was his. Apparently winning the dickwad pool = lead singer status. Says a lot, don't it?

Round 1 - Singer's Picks

Mig - Bohemian Rhapsody
Seems like Mig decided to revert back to his comfort zone (perhaps he is reminding his previous employers just how good he is so they will have him back now that he needs a job). Scott pointed out that the style of the song does not lend itself to INXS at all, and that he has a real Steve Tyler quality to his sound. I think he showed Suzie how this song is supposed to be done, and both of them should thank their lucky stars that the house band is so damn excellent.

J.D. - You Can't Always Get What You Want
I thought this rendition was cheese city. Like if Michael Bolton was going to cover the Stones, this would be how he would do it. Spastic dancing and double time endings do not equal rock 'n roll, but J.D. doesn't seem to understand that. Ah well, he was still smirking, so he clearly doesn't care what we think. Just wait until we are the ones buying (or not buying) your album dude. Just wait.

Marty - Wish You Were Here
See, Marty was my favourite on this show. He wasn't a pompous dickhead, he's just a low key guy, sans ego, who can rock his ass off. He sang this really well - came off vocally strong, sincere and on the money. Stephanie and I have discussed that we think he will be better suited for another band. Perhaps Stone Temple Pilots should give him a call now that their singer is heading up Velvet Revolver. At least Marty can travel across the border.

Round 1 Loser - Mig (just not right for their band).
This was not a shock, nope, not at all. I think Mig is going to be just fine though - he really should stick more with the stage/musical stuff in my opinion. With a voice like that, he could easily star on Broadway or do whatever he wants. Doesn't hurt that he is easy on the eyes either...

Round 2 - Sing with INXS
Lasers! Woot! Arena Rock, here we come! I gotta say, I think the house band plays INXS better than INXS does. Marty sang "Don't Change", and he seemed a bit tense, like he was going through the motions. While the performance was alright, it didn't do much for me. J.D. got a much better song in "What You Need". Between the whole vibe and the body language of the band it was pretty damn clear who they were picking. Dave and I agreed that we want to kick the dude with the little moustache (Kirk Pengilly) across the stage. Not much of a sax player either. Funny, J.D. messed up the ending, but it didn't matter - the band was too busy lovin' his ass.

Winner: J.D.
We all knew he was going to win, and I know he really is the best fit, but for some reason, I'm not that satisfied with the result. I think I would have liked it better if they didn't go with the safe regurgitation of their previous singer and tried something new. But apparently these guys are risk averse and I don't blame 'em. J.D. performed their new song "Easy Easy" with them...I didn't love it. I actually think J.D.'s song "Pretty Vegas" is better. I guess we'll have the chance to hear both on their new cd. Best part - there might be a new Rockstar show next year. Jen suggested "Rockstar Blind Melon". I think that has a nice ring to it, don't you?

Better late than never - the final four.

I've had a crazy week, a lazy weekend, and well, enough with the excuses. On the tip that something is better than nothing, I thought I'd post my notes from last week's show. Didn't Brooke kind of look like a porno pochahontas in this getup? Dave N. said she looked like an "adult" super hero...yeah, I'll say. Last week INXS picked specific songs for each singer. It is getting hard to be super critical because the final four are all pretty good at what they do, but I'll give it a shot.

Suzie: #1. Interstate Love Song, #2. What's Up
Suzie seemed a lot more confident overall, which I liked. She messed up the entrance to the second verse on her first song. It was also in a bad key so she kept coming in under the pitch. Such is the saga of singing songs meant for men when you are a woman. The second song was much better, though she had some weird crackly/airy things happening with her voice. I think she was trying to do that cool vocal effect that Linda Perry does and it just didn't happen. Not Suzie's best performances, but pretty good.

J.D.: #1. Pretty Vegas, #2. Money
It's interesting that they wanted to hear his song again. Makes me think they have fallen under his spell. It was a bit strange when J.D. kissed Dave N's cheek during his first song. Dave N. seemed non-plussed by it. The band gave him a standing ovation, which I thought was overkill. He seemed to nail the second song rhythmically, which is where the key challenge was. I didn't really feel any kind of flow to the song, it just kind of bumped along. J.D. and his fucking props were at it again (megaphones, money). He is so rock 'n roll it hurts [/sarcasm].

Marty: #1. Trees, #2. Creep
I love Marty's song (so so much more than J.D.'s song). It was interesting to hear it acoustic, though I really prefer the electric version. INXS was singing along to the song (definitely a good sign). Creep sounded awesome (of course it did). He sang it perfectly with a terrific contrast between the chorus and verses. INXS seemed to dig it, but not quite as much as they did J.D.'s. Boo on them!


Mig: #1. Kiss From a Rose, #2. Paint It Black
The more I listen to Mig, the more I start to wonder if his voice is just too pretty and perfect? I mean, he is an excellent singer, but there is a gritty factor that is missing for me. He absolutely rocks, but I sometimes hear a bit of stage flair in there. He sang his first song better than Seal sings it live (and I've heard him sing it live, so I know). Seal wins in the leather pants department though [booty booty woot woot!]. The second song was fine, I was neither here nor there on it.

We all know that Suzie went home, so I'm not going to rehash the bottom 3. My friend Jen and her husband Dave are coming over on Tuesday to watch the grand finale and we are both psyched. I'm not sure who INXS will pick, though I do think it will be between J.D. and Marty. It all depends on where they want to take their band. If they want to stay in their comfort zone, then J.D. (Michael Hutchence Jr.) is there man. If they want to move forward musically and do more modern/interesting stuff, then Marty is it. I just don't see Mig fronting INXS, but maybe they want to make it all Aussie all the time? I think they know who they are going to pick already, but we won't be let in on their decision until Tuesday.

Rock you like a hurricane.

I have waited 30 long years for a hurricane to be named after me. I always figured my name was too plain, but nope, Hurricane Katrina it is. Gotta tell you that it feels pretty righteous to read headlines like "Oil companies evacuate Gulf platforms as Katrina looms" and "Florida sweeps up from Katrina, but braces for a possible encore". It's right up there with headlines like "The dikes will save us" that Jennifer and I never cease to giggle at. Scott lamented to me yesterday that he doubted that there would ever be a Hurricane Scott. I told him that it could happen! Don't give up on it, we're only at K. The only problem is, I think they alternate male and female names, so "S" will technically be a female name this time around. Sigh. Anyway, as much as I am digging that my name is being used to name a massive upheaval in nature, I hope all this shit calms down for our 1 year Anniversary trip to the Bahamas next week. Tomorrow is actually our 1 year anniversary (yeah! we made it a whole year!). More on that later, gotta get ready to go see Tori Amos tonight with Alana, Adam, and Leeanne.

Lady In Red and Boys In Eyeliner.

I considered calling this blog “Brooke Burke and her lovely ta-tas", but that would just be crass. But seriously her boobs look freshly faked, I’m wondering if her soon to be ex gave her one last boob job for the road (he is a plastic surgeon after all). Dave Navarro did not disappoint either, he is slowly working back to his normal shirtless self, this time opting for unbuttoned to the navel. Nice!

So last night, they did an “Originals vs. Songwriter” theme. Suzie pulled a J.D. after suggesting that they all draw names from a hat and she was all “but I wanna sing my original it’sooooooooooo good” but thankfully Deanna and Mig stood their ground and showed her the hand. What I will say about the whole original song thing is that I think these singers need to remember that it may be a double edged sword. The audience votes for who they like, and part of liking someone is liking the song they sing. It’s hard to like a song (or even remember it for that matter) after only hearing it one time through. The recipe for success is does the audience like the song (meaning do they know it?) and do they like your interpretation. I doubt very many voters are actually considering “who would be the right choice for INXS” at this point. They are just voting for who they dig.

Suzie – Cameltoe City (Start Me Up)
She almost missed her entrance with her dumb shout out to her peeps. While I definitely think she is a strong singer, she has never connected with me. I think that live she is probably fine, but she doesn’t carry across the airwaves. Dave N. (who was surprised she has been in the bottom 3 so many times) should watch the show from home with Carmen and see if he still thinks she is so great. Me thinks no.

J.D. – Cold As Ice
Still a cocky SOB, but how can you not love that eyeliner? Hawt! Also, does he have a sock in his pants? Yowzers. I think he sang the song well and had a lot of confidence which made it compelling. The vocal harmony section with the band sucked though (totally out of tune, mostly J.D.’s fault). INXS loved it though, and they seem to like the risks he takes (one of them being that the rest of the singers will gang up on him and drown him in the pool).

Deanna – My Truth
I'm wondering (and maybe Adam can tell me) how they can write new material and get it copywrited so fast? Is it the whole, once you say “I wrote this” and then perform it on TV thing, that means it belongs to you? Or can you just seal the music in an envelope and mail it to yourself? The song completely catered to her voice and it was nice to hear her sing in a comfortable key. Hence, not a lot of range in the melody, but fuck, she sang it with balls (especially since she didn’t have much time to write it and then learn it). Good for her.

Ty – Proud Mary
Wow, buddy totally took credit for writing Deanna’s song – 1 dickwad point for Ty. That was unnecessary (has he been hanging out with J.D. or something?). I didn’t love this version of Proud Mary. It was too fast, the background vocals stunk (specifically: out of tune, not groovin’, and falling apart), and it just left me cold. The band liked it, but I think they were just checking out Brooke Burke dancing to it.

Mig – Do Or Die
The beginning was kind of minwaxy (meaning, awkward), but it did get better at the chorus. Seemed a bit “rock opera” to me, but I may be full of it. I loved the zebra fabric cod piece he wore over his pants – that was something! I think that the band should be given props for playing the hell out of a song they didn’t really like and I think that Mig sold it through. Dave N. liked it, and the band “appreciated” it, whatever that means. I still like Mig though and I am betting that all of Australia is voting for him.

Marty – I Alone
More eyeliner! Hawtness! Boy does the camera like Marty. He was very intense throughout his performance. I don’t know this song, so it’s hard to say how well he sang it, but he sure did rock his ass off. I thought that his head was going to turn around 360 degrees at the end, he damn near looked possessed. Dave N. lurves him, but the band wants him to stop screaming all the time and sing more. Funny, Deanna shouts most of her songs, but they never say that to her.

Jordis – Shits The Bed (Dream On)
I loved it until she opened her mouth. Great hat. Weird key – I think she opted for a lower key so she could try to hit that note at the end, which she didn’t. The problem with singing a song too low in your range is that it comes off as low energy. She not only had pitch issues, but she didn’t rock at all and missed the ending completely. I am with Dave N. on this, she should have changed the melody to make it work. This is a prime example of a song that only a man should sing. We all have off nights, but this was especially disappointing.

Bottom 3 at the end of the show: Deanna, Ty, Jordis,
Kat’s bottom 3: Suzie, Jordis, Ty

Mig, I love YOUR ways.

Jennifer was kind enough to give the Monday night recap (apparently I am the ONLY person who can't find this "floating" show). The show amounted to the remaining singers getting into two groups of four to see if they can play nice. Surprise, surprise, J.D. acted like the sulky punk-ass-bitch that he is. His group lost because of his bad attitude yet he somehow managed to come out of the incident lookin' like a bad-ass-rocker. Whatever. I'd just love to see him pull that prima donna shit with a bunch of craggy ol' Australian rockers. They would set him straight in a hot second. My lustful Brandon hate has now been refocused on J.D. (Canadian or not, he is a punk).
Okay, so now for the recap. I love that we can all chat with Brooke online. I can bet what kind of chatting is going to be happening and usually folks have to pay for that! Not sure about the continuous parade of pinstripes on this show (the stylists must get a discount on bad taste).

Last night there was a bit of twist with the song selection. INXS selected a song for each singer (I think they did this because despite their requests to hear particular styles from each singer, those requests have largely been ignored).

Jordis - Knockin' on Heaven's Door
She started out of tune with a bit of vocal wankery (when will singers learn?) but the song immediately got better once she got into the first verse. She really has a magic about her, and shone in this intimate setting (yet somehow still manages to be quite powerful). INXS is smitten with her, and while Dave Navarro doesn't want to sleep with her, I bet he wants to make her his honourary sister. Great performance, though I could do without the out of tune vocal riffing.

Jessica - Torn
Apparently INXS wanted to see a softer side of Jessica, and I guess they saw it last night. I still think she belted a lot and I would have truly unplugged this song, maybe even switched up the arrangement a bit so that it started out a little more bare bones. For some reason with the busyness of the arrangement it didn't really sound all that unplugged to me. Dave N. liked it and said "less is more", and the band seemed to like it. Jessica will still be in the bottom three though, and I think she'll go home this week.

Ty - Maggie (Mary) May
Nice rat tail dude. Gross. Also, what is with the pajama bottoms? I didn't love this rendition of the song (also - I think he was singing "Mary" instead of Maggie...at least a few times). It should be noted that I can't stand Rod Stewart, so that likely didn't help. Dave N. and INXS loved it (even went so far to call it a Motown feel which I didn't hear). Ty then capped his performance off with some wacky tongue talents...weird.

Suzie - Bring it on Home to Me
I know that I am always harping about this, but the tempo was really too fast. I think Suzie did a good job keeping it reigned in. I kept wondering how she would sound if she was an old black man, because I think this song would have rung more true to me. Terrible, I know! I seem a bit prejudice against poor Suzie - it may be because she sounded a bit country, which really, is unforgivable. Dave N. heard it differently and loved it, INXS thinks she is one of the best singers in the competition (technically yes, but otherwise no!). I think Suzie will join Jessica in the bottom three this week.

Marty - Hit Me Baby One More Time
I LOVE MARTY. What a horrible song, but he did a good job. The most distracting thing was the background singers sounded terrible. I really dug how he got all intense at the end, basically shrieking over the band. Go Marty! Too funny how J.D. was sitting there looking so jealous that he didn't get to sing this song. Dave N. also dug it, and the band seemed to appreciate that Marty was a good sport about singing such an awful song.

Deanna - I Can't Make You Love Me
This really was a perfect song for Deanna and I think it did show off her voice. And her boobies - check those sister out (they're all like - "Lift us up, we're suffocating down here"). She totally pulled it off, she was feeling it too, which came across. She is just as good a singer as Bonnie Raitt and better than Sheryl Crow. INXS liked her performance a lot, but I think Deanna was too hard on herself (I suspect she just HATES singing songs that expose her voice like that).

J.D. - As Tears Go By
The band wanted J.D. to be "real" with this song. Seeing as he is a Grade "A" Asshole, I'm not sure that's a good thing. It didn't matter either way because while he sang the song well, his supposed emoting came off as mere posturing. He was trying to come off as a sweetheart rocker, but it fell totally flat, nothing, nada, zip. I didn't buy it at all and neither did INXS (except for Tim, but whatever). HAHAHAHA J.D.! Looks good on you.

Mig - Baby, I Love Your Way
Mig plays piano - HOTT DAMN! Do you know how hard that is to do? To play and sing, and do both exceptionally well? Trust me, it's hard! He sounded fabulous. J.D. really should listen up because this was true emoting. But see, Mig really has love in his life, whereas J.D., he only loves himself. I think Mig is the favourite to win (he's Australian too - I can only imagine the votes he is pulling from down under). Dave N. got all sappy and INXS lurved him. Mig got my vote. Several of 'em.


Bottom three this week will be: Suzie, Jessica, J.D.
Favourites for final three: Jordis, Marty, and Mig

Brandon *is* an ass-hat.

In contrast to last night, Brooke actually wore a lot of clothes (for her anyway). Weird leggings... channeling her inner skid chick I guess.

Bottom 3, as promised was Suzie, Brandon and Jessica. Props from the band to Marty and Ty (no surprise there). Brandon is such an ass-hat, if they don’t kick him off I may have to boycott the show. Lol – Suzie looked SO PISSED OFF to be in the bottom 3 AGAIN! I think she just doesn’t connect with the audience, regardless of how good she may be live.

Save your skin songs:

Jessica – Disappear
I am kind of hoping Jessica “disappears” in the next week or so. Damn she was pitchy and she is just too cutesy for my liking. We all know she isn’t right for INXS, why prolong the misery?

Brandon – Don’t Lose Your Head
I don’t get why they gave him another bluesy song – maybe they knew it would be his final song so they wanted him to end strong. Pitchy like all hell AND he forgot the words. Not cool dude.

Suzie – Bitter Tears (aka “Suzie’s Bottom 3 Tears of Bitterness”)
Bad key – it makes her seem like she is singing with low energy. Things seemed to pick up once the song got rolling. Boy was the rhinestone fly on her crotch distracting.

Anyway, I’m happy Brandon is gone and we won’t have to listen to him yowl at the moon next week. If I was the band I would have turfed Jessica as well, but now they have an almost even split of guys to girls.

Current favs to win: Marty, Mig, J.D. (in that order)

Sausagefest 2005 – The search continues.

Apologies for the lack of blog on Monday’s show. I couldn’t find it because those wankers at CBS ditched it off to VH1 and I assumed that meant it wouldn't be on in Canada. Stephanie, with her magical powers watched it so I’ll have to assume that it was available somewhere, or her dreams are just really fucking vivid.

So, onto Tuesday’s night. Where are Brooke’s pants? Did she lose them in the divorce? Scott likes her juicy legs. Dave Navarro wants her to take her top off. Good times.

Suzie – Losing My Religion
I’m glad she skipped the acapella intro she was considering because that would have blown big chunks. I think she was trying to hard to rock with a song that doesn’t really want to rock all that hard. Weird pants…did she buy them at Tallcrest (Mincemeat Vixen’s favourite store)? The band really liked it, me not so much. I did like the Joan Osborne look though with the hair and long earrings. Would have been better if she hooked her nose ring up though.

Mig – All Right Now
He totally captured the right mood of the song and sang rhythmically which I appreciate. He just grooved his hot little ass off. I didn’t love the pinstripe pants (are the singers passing those around?) but how can you not ogle that body? I agree with the band that he should sing a ballad. Go Mig!

J.D. – Crazy
Damn J.D.’s a cock SOB. Jennifer would have approved of that eyeliner though. Kind of a weird song for him to cover – he had no flow to the melody and sang it all punchy style (too rhythmic….). I’ve seen Seal live and J.D. didn’t do this song justice, I mean, he missed the entire point of the song. I don’t agree with Dave that he did a great job, but I do agree with the band that he was pitchy.

Jessica – Come As You Are
I have no idea why she picked this song, it’s like she wants to fail. First off, she looked all crazy glam and second off, this was a karaoke rendition if I ever heard one. She may have been feeling passionate, but I’m with Dave and the band – she was going through the motions and it just didn’t come across. This song isn’t the challenging vocally so I think she should have picked a song that would show off her voice.

Jordis – Layla
Even the golden child can stink up the joint every once and a while. I think it was a touch of fast and I just didn’t feel the bittersweet of Eric Clapton. She sang it like an upbeat party mix and there were evident vocal problems. Maybe she was partying it up too much with her birthday celebrations. The band totally digs her scene, so whatever.


Brandon – It’s All Over Now
Appropriate song title, because this dude is on borrowed time. While I understand going back to his comfort zone, it just made it clearer to me that the only thing he has any business singing is blues/classic rock. He looked like a fucking epilectic seal with all that crazy dancing. I still have no love for him. He isn’t strong vocally and when he goes outside of what he knows, he blows.

Marty – Mr. Bright Side
Marty has a good head on his shoulders, and I dig his scene. At first I wasn’t sure about doing this song acoustic, but the risk seemed to pay off for him. He sings the song better than the lead singer of the Killers (live anyway). Dave loved it, J.D. looked pissed that he didn’t think of it first, and the band lurved it. Yeah Marty!

Deanna – Long Train Running
Her hair looks great pulled back and she sounded awesome. It is clear that the stage band digs playing with her. While I know she has some vocal problems, her voice is monstrous and she sings her ass off. It is funny to me that Dave thinks she is so hott because she doesn’t dress like a slut at all (I’m looking at you Jessica…and Brooke). The band is dead on that she sometimes oversings, and it is interesting that they want he to strip it back and do a song that will expose her voice more (the very thing she is hoping to avoid).

Ty – No Woman No Cry
I love that Brooke called his performance from last week “underwhelming”. What a cunt. I mean, she is one to talk, she looked like she was wearing a bird’s nest. He sang with no vibrato, thank gawd. I’m glad he was the one to sing this song, because if I had to listen to Suzie or some white chick sing it I’d have to mute the sound. He seemed pretty chilled out overall, though I did not did the vocal wankery at the end. Thank goodness the band finally dug him, it’s about time.

Bottom 3 is easy this week: Suzie, Jessica Brandon.

Rockstar INXS: Can-Con stands strong.

Quick synopsis of Monday's half-hour of rocker posturing before I jump into the reviews of last night's most eXcellent show:

I wonder how drunk the show's producers get the rockers before they roll camera? Also, are they drinking beer out of those red coloured wine glasses? Kinda sudsy for merlot. Totally cheesey family moment with Marty's sister shows up. Wtf is this, Survivor? They are holed up in a fuckin' mansion in LA for gawd's sake, not the middle of Africa. Also, she has letters for him? Correct me if I'm wrong, but they all have cell phones. Whatever. I really need to stop watching the Monday night show. The only redeeming thing was the little vocal clinic with Ron Anderson (never heard of him). The whole hold your jaw, stick your tongue out bit is pretty standard (so, I'm saying he isn't some vocal guru, he is just a singing teacher). I guess if you have never had lessons before that stuff would be earth shattering, but I don't buy it. I didn't get the humm and swallow thing, that just makes no sense. I LOVED that Brandon was all "I like where I'm at, I don't want any help". What a JACKASS!! Idiot!! I agreed with good ol' Ron about Deanna's voice being very effected, but she seems to get at decent sound going regardless. I can't imagine how awful it would be to have a singing lesson in front of nine other people you are competing with, Dave Navarro and INXS. Not fun.

Tuesday night and everything's all right:
Again, Dave N. is wearing a shirt. Brooke Burke looks like she killed a robin and a Christmas tree for her outfit. She seems pretty hit and miss.

Mig - We Will Rock You
I guess the white jeans are okay as it is still before Labour day, but they are not my favourite. I found his singing a little "talky", and he dropped a few notes here and there. It might have been the drums only version of the song that caused that, it is hard to sing with no harmony. Overall a bit of a wankfest, but I like Mig, lip gloss and all. Dave N. may have been hitting on him at the end, but uh, so it goes.

Deanna - I'm the Only One
Love her hair, still love her voice, despite the vocal teacher crapping all over her and stressing her out. She is such a strong rock singer, and INXS clearly lurves her. I don't get the whole mixture of brown and black leather, but hey, I'm not a rocker. Pretty cool how she came up and rocked right in their faces. I loved that Dave N. threw that dig at J.D. out there by complementing her on "keeping it together" with her sister in the audience. HAH!

Marty - With Arms Wide Open
I hate Creed, so so much. Yuck. As Scott points out, the only band worse than Creed is Nickleback. Marty was kind of distracting with the weird arm seizures, looked like he was doing a epilectic robot dance. He did a great job singing a shitty song. Dave N. was absolutely right that Marty did sing it better than the original, but I still hate it. INXS LOVES him.

Ty - Everlong
Sounds like Ty got rid of the "show tune" vibrato (as per the suggestion of Ron in the vocal clinic). He is so cute. The stage band rocked their asses off. I don't love the song, but I think he pulled it off. Dave N. said he had some pitch issues and missed a few entrances, but I didn't notice and INXS dug it.

Jessica - Blister In the Sun
As you may have guessed, I am not Jessica's number one fan. She did this weird nasally thing with her voice on this song that I hated. I think the key was about a minor 3rd too low. Also, a little too cute for me, and she continues to dance like a backup dancer for James Brown (you know the ones - the white chicks in the bikinis that come out when he gets tired). I did like that Jessica told Dave N. that "this is it, this is who I am". INXS seemed to like it fine, though I think they were just enjoying the "show".

Brandon - If You Could Only See
This guy has no sense of rhythm. He kept doing this weird punctuated "if-you-could" thing that sounded like he was trying to punch the words through my forehead, or like he was stabbing a porkchop. I loved his vocal slipup "if-you-could....I love me". How true. Actually, it is pretty evident how much Brandon loves himself. I think I am not objective when it comes to Brandon - I keep wishing him ill.

Jordis - The Man Who Sold the World
She was clearly feeling it, but she managed to keep her composure. I love her timbre, and she sings really in tune. She definitely has the "it" factor. Dave N. and INXS totally dig her. I think that we'll be seeing more of her after this show, even when INXS inevitably picks a dude. She'll go on to something better.

J.D. - The Letter
The disses being directed at J.D. didn't seem to hurt him, I'd say they just fueled the fire and fed his confidence. He definitely rocked out with the cock out. I think he was channeling some Elvis with that swagger, and I didn't dig his convulsing dance moves at all. Dave N. and INXS loved it, but after last week, he had to do something big, so he definitely came out tits up, hammer out.

Tara - Message In A Bottle
Too fast!! What is it with the stage band and Sting songs? I wonder if they speed up the tempos to get the songs done in the allotted amount of time? Anyway, it is obnoxious. I thought she looked good, sounded good, but there was something tentative about her, like she is so nervous to get kicked off. Funny thing is that I want Tara to do well, but I personally don't find her all that compelling and I don't think INXS does either. Weird question they asked her about whether or not she "liked doing covers". Essentially any singer they select will be doing pretty much all INXS covers so they better be good at it.

Suzie - Get Back
She seemed pretty comfortable up there, rockin' in her pinstripe pants (probably better suited for the office than a rock show). Interesting song choice because this song has a lot of instrumental space and last time I checked this was a singing competition of sorts. I think she nailed the vibe and mood of the song, and it seemed like INXS liked that she let the band solo without singing on top of them.

It is going to be a hard choice tonight with all of these strong performances. Ultimately the singers that are "just not right for the band" will stand out though. My prediction for tonight is that Jessica and Tara will for sure be in the bottom three, and hopefully Brandon will too (likely wishful thinking on my part).