'america's next top model' crowns the winner!

The final three models are put to the test with the pinnacle CoverGirl photo and commercial shoot at The Blue Door at the Blue Palace with photographer Nikos Papadopoulos. Lisa nails the photo but has a hard time coming off as sincere in the commercial; Allison once again has a hard time with the bright sunlight, while Angelea produces a terrific photo and delivers a stellar commercial.

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america's next top model: tyra wants to be on top!

Now that the competition is down to four models, the heat is on -- and not just because they’re in Greece. This week’s challenge is one of the best yet. The girls are tasked with writing a blog which will be judged by the editor of Vogue Italia, Franca Sozzani, who also blogs on Vogue.it. Since the winner will also be blogging for Vogue.it, it’s a good idea to make sure that the finalists can string a sentence together.

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'america's next top model' - when in greece.

We’re down to six models now, and you know what that means – time to travel! André meets the girls at the mansion and informs them they are going to Greece. They break a bunch of plates, fulfilling a wonderful Greek stereotype and leaving one helluva mess for the maid.

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the models make music with rapper 'the game' on antm.

The theme of this week’s episode is “Go Viral” – a take-off on virtual unknowns who post videos to YouTube only to find their videos shared by hundreds of thousands of people. I find this ironic because before Top Model, Allison actually started out as internet meme Creepy-Chan and is way more famous for that than for Top Model.

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snooki inspires on 'america's next top model'.

The girls waste no time ganging up on Bianca now that Bre is gone. Bianca is pretty much screwed at this point, but instead of making nice, she informs Kayla that she is “unmemorable”. Kayla fires back telling Bianca that she’s "a bitch -- and bitches never win!”. Sing it, sista!

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'america's next top model' week 5 - the kardashians and the jacksons unite!

This week, everyone’s favourite diva, Bianca, takes on the entire model household. The best two lines of the night come (a) from Bianca – she nicknames Shannon “The Cryin’ Christian” and (b) about Bianca from Lisa, “If she’s afraid of water, I’m the deep end. If she’s afraid of dogs, I’m a pit bull.” I just wish someone would muzzle both of them so we can all get some peace.

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antm episode 3: it's all 'bout the "booty tooch".

This week the models are surprised when Kristin Cavallari – best remembered as “The Bitch” on Laguna Beach and The Hills – shows up at the house. The reality stars commiserate on “the business” and how to be successful after they go back to their realities (if you don’t see the irony in this I don’t want to know you).

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'america's next top model' sends home another hopeful.

On this episode, Martin Lindstrom, the self-acclaimed “king of branding” -- who I’ve never heard of -- is brought in to tell each model what their personal one-word brand is. He tells them that this is their future and they need to think about it with every piece of clothing they put on. Since he seems unaware that his personal one word brand is “Sprockets”, I think we can all take his advice with a grain of salt.

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It is More Important to Look Good...

...than to feel good, and Cameron is living proof of this. Poor kiddo has been under the weather this past week, and has been feeling like ten pounds of poop in a five pound bag the past few days. Perfect timing of course, with her dad away in New York. Anyway, she still looks fierce. Tyra would be proud.

WWCD?

I had a bit of a fashion crisis this morning. I was standing in front of my closet, dress pants in one hand, new Esprit blouse in the other. I have been attempting to wear this blouse for the past two weeks, but have been unable to figure out how to tie the oddly placed ribbons coming out of the round collar. Tying them like a bow looks stupid, and leaving them untied doesn't work either. I was tempted to take the blouse to my tailor to have the ribbons removed, but that didn't help me this morning when this was my only shirt that didn't need ironing and I was already running late.

And then I had it. My "a-ha" moment. WWCD? Or, for those of you who do not watch America's Next Top Model, What Would Celia Do?

You see, Celia, (who got the boot last week for being too long in the tooth at the ripe old age of 25), could style a paper bag and make it look like Chanel. So certainly she would know what to do with these ribbons. I looked in the mirror and repeated "What Would Celia Do?". Inspiration hit, and I knotted the ribbons like a man's tie, tucked them into my shirt and inspected my handiwork. It looked good. Now all I needed to do was rock it with confidence and make it look like that is how it is meant to be worn. From this point forward, whenever I have a fashion crisis, I will channel my inner Celia. Now if I only had her legs as well, life would be grand.

America's Next Top Model: The Benny Ninja Show.

Benny Ninja drives me a bit nuts. He is completely absurd and over the top. I suppose I understand why ANTM keeps having him back - he provides great entertainment value. Every season he shows up and runs a "Pose Off", which inevitably makes most of the girls look like they have no clue of how their bodies work, let alone how to show off the clothes they are supposed to be modeling. This season they dressed the girls up like a bunch of blonde drag queens and put them on a super skinny runway so they could get cheered or booed by "New York's Elite Fashionistas". Colour me bored. They all pretty much sucked and Granny-Celia won the day by default.

The photo concept this week was a new one I haven't seen before. The girls were supposed to be posing as immigrants, new to America, on Ellis Island. I'm not sure how the Benny Ninja angle worked in, and he looked a little odd in the pictures. I hated the clothes - the models looked like they were wearing sacs. Tahlia, who had been bitching all show about how she wanted to go home, seemed to have the best picture, which clearly pissed off all of the other girls. ET-Tiana also had a terrific picture, but ultimately, Tahlia won the day with her hot mamacita photo, and Nascar-Kortnie got the boot.

Best part? When after Tyra booted Nascar-Kortnie and Granny-Celia was a total bitch, ratting Tahlia out to Tyra, saying it was "unfair" that Talia got to stay when she didnt' really want to be there. Tyra smacked her down hard, which I loved. Granny-Celia is now on my shit list and I hope that she gets booted out pronto for being a bitch and a backstabber. Can't wait to see how this plays out next week. Drama!

America's Next Top Model: Skinny Girls Have Feelings Too.

My post from last week generated some controversy. Apparently it is hurtful to enjoy the tears of skinny girls crying. Even if they are silly, attention-seeking, half-wits who are asking for it by auditioning for a show that judges solely on appearance. Ahem. To be clear, I am directing my "joy in tears" at these specific girls, not at all skinny girls. It isn't like I'm making a point of visiting eating disorder clinics on my lunch hour so I can walk the halls in hysterics, pointing and laughing as 75 pound women jam their fingers down their throat because they just can't be skinny enough. Awh see, now I'm feeling bad for ever saying anything in the first place. And this is supposed to be fun damn it, it is America's Next Top Model, after all.

I have one last point I'd like to make before I get on with my post. I understand that I will never in my life know what it is like to be so skinny that I am actually trying to gain weight. I get that for people who struggle at the other end of the scale, losing weight is as discouraging as it is for me to gain weight. But. But these skinny people aren't judged by society the same way overweight people are. They will never know the humility of trying to find jeans that fit at the Gap and realizing they don't carry your size because you are too damn fat. Or having people tell you that you are fat because you are lazy and have no will power. Nobody has ever asked you how many months pregnant you are, when you aren't pregnant at all. And most certainly, nobody has ever suggested that you shouldn't be eating something or ask "haven't you had enough?" when you order dessert.

On that note, my goodness, these skinny girls don't like getting their hair lopped off at all. "Freckly-Faced-Fo" fell victim to the shears this week and she about lost her damn mind, poor thing. I hope she comes to accept her new hair as it really does give her an edgier/fashion look. "Freaky-Eyed-Allison" had her hair dyed platinum and it makes her look even weirder, dog bless her, and they didn't do anything to Natalie, which I thought was strange. She was happy about it, but I think they could have at least trimmed up the girl's ends or something?

This week's photo shoot was an interesting concept where the girls had to light themselves. I can see how this would be really hard to do and I'm not surprised that so many of the pictures fell short. "ET-Teyona" won the day by highlighting her windblown features, though I thought Celia's picture was just as good. In the end, Jessica went home, which wasn't a shocker. She was pretty, but there wasn't anything about her that made her stand out.

America's Next Top Model: Lots of Skinny Girls Crying!

Based on the America's Next Top Model (ANTM) premiere, it looks like it is going to be an awesome season. We have a burn victim, a bootylicious Nascar driver's ex girlfriend, a snotty African, the requisite old chick (yes, 25 is downright elderly in modeling), a freaky-eyed girl, street preacher, and a bunch of skinny, tall waifs. And there were tears, oh yes, there were tears. As someone who has battled my weight since before I can remember, I LOVE seeing skinny girls cry. Love. It. Nothing is more entertaining to me. Except maybe if they are also ghetto-fabulous and have crazy green fluorescent coloured fake finger nails to boot. That is TV gold.

As always, it's really hard to say who will win, but my favourite is this week's photo winner, Freaky-Eyed-Allison. I think she could be very high fashion, the only challenge I can see is that she isn't really a Cover Girl material. I think her lipstick ad would look more like a teen horror flick poster. Especially since she has a weird nose bleed fetish (gross). The other model I like is Old-Chick-Celia. My favourite part of the night was when she and Snotty-African-Sandra almost got into it over who was going to sleep where. Thank goodness Street-Preacher-London stepped in and saved the day. She was right - Jesus wouldn't let her sleep on the floor for long.

Sexy Nigel Barker is back on the judging panel, as are snarky Paulina Porizkova and the two Jays. I am still trying to figure out how it is that Canadian Jay manages to get prettier each season. I think he must shellac his hair to get that ken doll effect. Tyra, of course, is as ridiculous as ever. Is it just me or does that pedestal she is standing on during judging get higher each season?

Next week features the model makeovers which means guaranteed tears as hair gets lopped off and weaves get pulled so tight that at least one girl will look like she got a bonus facelift. I can hardly wait.

Reality Check.

I am a big fan of reality television. I am currently watching The Biggest Loser and American Idol. Tomorrow, the latest season of Survivor kicks off, and I am ready. If inspired, I may even blog about each episode. I think this season is going to be a good one, and who can resist Peachy (Jeff Probst)?. In fact, I may even blog about American Idol (once they get down to the top 20). I love the new judge and I'm taking bets on how long it takes Paula to do something really wacky. And did I mention that America's Next Top Model starts up again in 3 weeks? 3 WEEKS! I can hardly contain myself. With the ups and downs of my reality as of late, I think I could use a pleasant distraction or four. Also...stay tuned for some very cool news coming tomorrow!

America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 8: Season Premiere

I’m not going to lie, I shrieked with glee when I heard that America’s Next Top Model was starting up again this week. I’m not sure what I love more, seeing Tyra Banks dress up like a drag queen or laughing at pretty girls crying, but this show makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I love the smell of hair and makeup in the morning

The always ridiculous Miss J and the lovely Jay Manuel (Canadian!) enter the show in a Jeep sporting army fatigues. Love it. Apparently they are breaking these want-to-be models in with a little boot camp. I immediately start looking for the token fat chick (sorry, plus size model). The girls are dressed in white tank tops, capris, and high heeled black boots. Completely ridiculous, but totally funny to see them trying to march in 3 inch heels. I spot the “fatties” - Whitney and Diana, both gorgeous, both 21.

Enter Tyra, step dancing a la American colleges in the South. I’m not going to lie; her dancing reminds me of Beyonce (meaning, no grace, no rhythm, no time). She’s an altogether hot mess. Also, it is no wonder she is showing some love to the plus size girls, Tyra is moving in that direction herself. Lay off the cheeseburgers girl!

The show quickly moves to the model intros. Not everyone gets featured. Apparently there are 20 girls here, but I only count 18 getting highlighted. They make the cut in the usual brutal fashion by releasing the girls into a room where they either have an invite with their picture on it to a fashion party or they don’t. Tears of joy and sadness ensue as the girls lose their minds for the first of many times. I sip my wine and smirk, thinking, it really is too bad that the girl with over 20 tattoos got the boot, that would have been fun.

Kathleen, 20 – all about the bod and afro, but dumb as a rock


Sarah, 20 – smart, photographer, blondie, super confident



Cassandra, 24 – looks like Wonder Woman threw up all over her, long face, bad weave! Amazing body!


Brittany, 21, loud talker, potentially deaf girl



Natasha, 21 – Mail order Russian bride living in Texas, married to a 40 year old (wow!) She has quite an ego on her, and not making a lot of friends. I think the girls pretty much despise her

Samantha, 19 – Southern girl with crazy eyebrows and a missing tooth (hawt!). Smacks of hillbilly


Dionne, 20 – loves modeling and denistry (odd?), could talk the paint off a barn and looks a bit like Tamia


Jaslene, 20 – repeat from ANTM 7, Latina with personality, likes to thank the lord a lot


Renee, 20 – married with a 7 month old son, very determined, cries easily, self-proclaimed catty girl, looks a bit like Christina Applegate’s little sister, very critical of everyone

Whitney, 21 – plus size girl #1, looks AWESOME in a bikini, likes to thank Jesus for her success


Jael, 21 – bad hair, big cry baby, background is ½ black ½ German, shows up to the first panel in a red tutu and pink tank top, gotta love her for that

Diana, 21 – plus size model #2 – wants to be first plus size model to win ANTM – dad is a big jerk for making her feel bad about gaining weight and she does not look nearly as good in a bikini as Whitney

Felicia, 19 – bad drawn in eyebrows – nickname is “baby Tyra” (she wishes!), also one who likes to thank Jesus



1st Photo Shoot with Nigel (Hawtness) Barker: “Make a Statement”
The girls are given a different political statement to make in each of their photos.

Kathleen – anti-fur
Brittany – pro-fur
Nathasha – pro-choice
Jael – pro-life
Sarah – life in prison
Jaslene – pro-death penalty
Felicia – straight marriage
Whit/Sam – gay marriage
Dionne – vegan
Cassandra – meat eater
Renee – anti-gun
Diana – pro-gun

Best line of the night:
“We open up the doors and it’s like freakin’ heaven!” (Kathleen describing the white stretch Hummer limo that arrives to drive the girls to their house)

1st Challenge: One Woman’s Trash is another Woman’s treasure

The girls are brought to a Goodwill store where Phillip Bloch, stylist to the stars, appears and gives them three minutes to pick out an outfit to model. Then they have to walk a runway where their outfits will be auctioned off. The outfit that gets the most money wins.

Jael’s outfit wins and then snobby Renee criticizes her because she thinks Jael has an unfair advantage because she clearly shops at thrift stores all the time. HAHAHA! These girls were best friends just hours ago. Later, Renee takes her aside and has a heart-to-heart with her. Jael decides she is way too much work and ditches her. Likely a good decision on Jael’s part.

1st Panel: Tyra, Nigel, Miss J, and Twiggi

Tyra looks like she is auditioning for Pirates of the Caribbean. Also, if she puts one more coat of mascara on her fake eyelashes I fear she will need 2x4’s to hold her eyes open.

The judges go to town, critiquing the girls up and down:

Jael – face was flat in the picture, she made excuses about feeling sick, but she has an exotic look
Natasha – boring pic with no expression, blends into the wall behind her
Dionne – pretty face, but no neck in the photo and her jaw looks big
Cassandra – clearly likes meat, but not a pretty picture and does not look like a model
Renee – for all her bitchiness, she looks scared, timid, and nervous, with no photographic savvy
Diane – no movement in her pic, weak in the eyes, deadpan expression
Kathleen – bland expression, this girl is dumb as a stone, a little slow, clueless, and to quote Miss J, a “straight up Brooklyn hoochie”
Brittany – strong photograph, striking
Samantha – great jaw and neck line
Whitney – nice photo, but needed to find a way to show off body more with angles
Felicia – looks like she could be in Bridal magazine, beautiful bone structure
Jasleen – strong photograph, great eyes, fierce and scary looking
Sarah – blah photo with no expression, though she has a lot of potential

The Deliberation:
I’m hoping they send Kathleen home. She is unapologetically ignorant. I am rooting for Jasleen, Sarah and Whitney, in no particular order.

Return to the house, pack your belongings and go home!:
Kathleen – see ya!