Wednesday, February 28, 2007

America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 8: Season Premiere

I’m not going to lie, I shrieked with glee when I heard that America’s Next Top Model was starting up again this week. I’m not sure what I love more, seeing Tyra Banks dress up like a drag queen or laughing at pretty girls crying, but this show makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I love the smell of hair and makeup in the morning

The always ridiculous Miss J and the lovely Jay Manuel (Canadian!) enter the show in a Jeep sporting army fatigues. Love it. Apparently they are breaking these want-to-be models in with a little boot camp. I immediately start looking for the token fat chick (sorry, plus size model). The girls are dressed in white tank tops, capris, and high heeled black boots. Completely ridiculous, but totally funny to see them trying to march in 3 inch heels. I spot the “fatties” - Whitney and Diana, both gorgeous, both 21.

Enter Tyra, step dancing a la American colleges in the South. I’m not going to lie; her dancing reminds me of Beyonce (meaning, no grace, no rhythm, no time). She’s an altogether hot mess. Also, it is no wonder she is showing some love to the plus size girls, Tyra is moving in that direction herself. Lay off the cheeseburgers girl!

The show quickly moves to the model intros. Not everyone gets featured. Apparently there are 20 girls here, but I only count 18 getting highlighted. They make the cut in the usual brutal fashion by releasing the girls into a room where they either have an invite with their picture on it to a fashion party or they don’t. Tears of joy and sadness ensue as the girls lose their minds for the first of many times. I sip my wine and smirk, thinking, it really is too bad that the girl with over 20 tattoos got the boot, that would have been fun.

Kathleen, 20 – all about the bod and afro, but dumb as a rock

Sarah, 20 – smart, photographer, blondie, super confident

Cassandra, 24 – looks like Wonder Woman threw up all over her, long face, bad weave! Amazing body!

Brittany, 21, loud talker, potentially deaf girl

Natasha, 21 – Mail order Russian bride living in Texas, married to a 40 year old (wow!) She has quite an ego on her, and not making a lot of friends. I think the girls pretty much despise her

Samantha, 19 – Southern girl with crazy eyebrows and a missing tooth (hawt!). Smacks of hillbilly

Dionne, 20 – loves modeling and denistry (odd?), could talk the paint off a barn and looks a bit like Tamia

Jaslene, 20 – repeat from ANTM 7, Latina with personality, likes to thank the lord a lot

Renee, 20 – married with a 7 month old son, very determined, cries easily, self-proclaimed catty girl, looks a bit like Christina Applegate’s little sister, very critical of everyone

Whitney, 21 – plus size girl #1, looks AWESOME in a bikini, likes to thank Jesus for her success

Jael, 21 – bad hair, big cry baby, background is ½ black ½ German, shows up to the first panel in a red tutu and pink tank top, gotta love her for that

Diana, 21 – plus size model #2 – wants to be first plus size model to win ANTM – dad is a big jerk for making her feel bad about gaining weight and she does not look nearly as good in a bikini as Whitney

Felicia, 19 – bad drawn in eyebrows – nickname is “baby Tyra” (she wishes!), also one who likes to thank Jesus

1st Photo Shoot with Nigel (Hawtness) Barker: “Make a Statement”
The girls are given a different political statement to make in each of their photos.

Kathleen – anti-fur
Brittany – pro-fur
Nathasha – pro-choice
Jael – pro-life
Sarah – life in prison
Jaslene – pro-death penalty
Felicia – straight marriage
Whit/Sam – gay marriage
Dionne – vegan
Cassandra – meat eater
Renee – anti-gun
Diana – pro-gun

Best line of the night:
“We open up the doors and it’s like freakin’ heaven!” (Kathleen describing the white stretch Hummer limo that arrives to drive the girls to their house)

1st Challenge: One Woman’s Trash is another Woman’s treasure

The girls are brought to a Goodwill store where Phillip Bloch, stylist to the stars, appears and gives them three minutes to pick out an outfit to model. Then they have to walk a runway where their outfits will be auctioned off. The outfit that gets the most money wins.

Jael’s outfit wins and then snobby Renee criticizes her because she thinks Jael has an unfair advantage because she clearly shops at thrift stores all the time. HAHAHA! These girls were best friends just hours ago. Later, Renee takes her aside and has a heart-to-heart with her. Jael decides she is way too much work and ditches her. Likely a good decision on Jael’s part.

1st Panel: Tyra, Nigel, Miss J, and Twiggi

Tyra looks like she is auditioning for Pirates of the Caribbean. Also, if she puts one more coat of mascara on her fake eyelashes I fear she will need 2x4’s to hold her eyes open.

The judges go to town, critiquing the girls up and down:

Jael – face was flat in the picture, she made excuses about feeling sick, but she has an exotic look
Natasha – boring pic with no expression, blends into the wall behind her
Dionne – pretty face, but no neck in the photo and her jaw looks big
Cassandra – clearly likes meat, but not a pretty picture and does not look like a model
Renee – for all her bitchiness, she looks scared, timid, and nervous, with no photographic savvy
Diane – no movement in her pic, weak in the eyes, deadpan expression
Kathleen – bland expression, this girl is dumb as a stone, a little slow, clueless, and to quote Miss J, a “straight up Brooklyn hoochie”
Brittany – strong photograph, striking
Samantha – great jaw and neck line
Whitney – nice photo, but needed to find a way to show off body more with angles
Felicia – looks like she could be in Bridal magazine, beautiful bone structure
Jasleen – strong photograph, great eyes, fierce and scary looking
Sarah – blah photo with no expression, though she has a lot of potential

The Deliberation:
I’m hoping they send Kathleen home. She is unapologetically ignorant. I am rooting for Jasleen, Sarah and Whitney, in no particular order.

Return to the house, pack your belongings and go home!:
Kathleen – see ya!


  1. Fell into the second half of this episode - I had no idea it was starting this week - and loved it. I forgot how fun it is to watch and I totally love the photo sessions. I'm sure I will miss a few eps in the future so I hope you keep up with the recap.

  2. Anonymous7:44 p.m.

    Great review! The Canadian version (to be hosted by Jay) starts soon too, I think. Jay went to highschool with my husband in Scarborough. Of all places!

  3. I have never watched this show. I am however missing me some Rockstar: Whatever is next.

    Have a good weekend !

  4. Anonymous12:07 p.m.

    I didn't know it was back on - I'll have to get sucked into it again, methinks. I like to see that you're back to blogging about pop culture again! :)

  5. I'm so glad Kathleen is gone.
    Judges: You didn't seem to understand the challenge
    Kathleen: I know, right?

    They only like her cause HEY! of course she's the type for europeen runways. She's europeen! And Tyra needs to get over the head scarf things. Two weeks in a row.