The Things I Wish For.

I've been feeling a lot of mixed emotions lately. Excited when I witness tangible displays of Max's progress, contrasted with moments of clarity where I see just how different my little boy is from all of the other little boys. Earlier this week, when I picked Max up to take him for his usual afternoon of therapy at blueballoon, I noticed that there was a note taped to his cubby at daycare. On further inspection I saw it was an invitation to a birthday party. I quickly realized that Max had not been invited because he was actually considered a friend, all of the kids in the class had been invited. For a second I thought "that's nice that they included Max, but he probably won't be able to handle it". Then I shook my head, and thought, "he may not be able to handle it, but we have to give him the chance to try". This party is at one of those big indoor madhouse-gym places, with slides and bridges to run across, places to bounce, and lots of ways to burn off steam. In actuality, Max will probably love it.

I called and left a message to rsvp, thanking the mom for inviting Max, and also explaining that Max is Autistic, and that he will probably enjoy it, but if he is having a hard day that I hoped they wouldn't take offense if he wasn't able to stay for the entire party. It is important to me to give Max the same opportunities that his peers get, that he be included. The older he gets, the more likely it is that he will get excluded for being different. I hope and pray and wish for that not to be true, but I know that as kids get older, they are less accepting of kids who don't "fit in".

For now, Max seems to be well liked by the kids at his daycare. They don't mind that he doesn't really play with them. They accept that he seems to get special treatment at times, and that he gets visits from special teachers that are only there to see him, and not everyone else. They don't hold it against him when he acts disruptive, and they don't question that Max gets picked up during nap time every day. He even gets the odd hug from the girls in the room (we can't expect them to resist such a handsome boy now, can we?).

When I look back at pictures of Max as a baby, I remember very clearly all of my hopes and dreams for Max. I still have hopes and dreams for him, but they are different from what they used to be. I just want him to be happy, feel loved, and to have all the opportunities in the world. I never want him to feel like he doesn't fit, or that nobody "gets" him. I never want him to lose that smile, that pure heart. I want him to be surrounded by people that see all of his beauty and promise and love him for everything he is. These are the things I wish for.