When the going gets tough, I get quiet. This I know for sure. It has been a roller coaster of a month, filled with a lot of fun stuff and a lot of stress (much of it self-imposed). We celebrated Birthdaypalooza with our friends and had a great turn out, beautiful weather and happy kids. After eleven years of faithful service, we sold our Camry and bought a Ford Escape. The upgrade in size is so we'll have room for Max's service dog which will be joining our family in November. I've never had a brand new car and I have to say, I'm loving it.
I've been trying to quiet my brain. There are so many thoughts bouncing around in my head, they create a wall between what is important, and the bullshit minutia of life. I have drastically reduced the medication I take for depression, giving my body a chance to adjust and for me to accurately assess what it is I truly need. The hard part is managing my anxiety, which has increased. But as summer gets closer and the sunlight increases I find my mood lifting. I remind myself that whatever it is that is causing my heart to beat out of my chest is only a moment in time, will pass, and that on my death bed, I won't be worrying about whether or not I filed my taxes on time for 2011 (which I did not).
I had lunch with my friend Christina on Friday. She's got a huge heart, is wicked smart, polished and stylish in a way I'll never be, and she also has a son who was recently diagnosed with autism. As we talked, I told her about some of the ideas I have been having about what I want to do creatively and professionally, because I wanted to hear her thoughts, get her feedback. Am I nuts? On the right track? Can I do this? Should I do this? What I want to do is help families in the early stages of autism, to help them keep their heads above water when their lives are turned upside down. I want to do important work that truly makes a difference and to use my experience for something positive. I'm not exactly sure how this will take shape or what form it will be in, but I finally feel like I'm on the right track.
Katrina, have you ever met someone and said wow, they were truly born to be...whatever they are. You are one of those people, I could see you doing something along those lines. To help other families, especially when the diagnosis is new, its just what people need. I hope it all works out for you. Best of Luck.
ReplyDeleteHa! a) thanks for the compliments but b) more importantly, you are such a voice for families and we all see you as a leader and a role model in the struggle that is parenting an ASD child. Your blog is the first place I look when I'm having a tough day and despite the fact that you've been having a tough time as of late, you are stronger than you know. You can do this (whatever your "this" ends up being) but in the way that you've truly helped me, you can help others. In short, DO IT! :)
ReplyDeleteI believe you are on the right track, too -- this kind of writing seems to come pretty naturally to you (naturally is not equal to easily) Follow where it takes you... :-)
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