Wednesday, February 29, 2012
colouring the blues away.
Sometimes it's not that easy though.
So you keep searching for ways to feel better. For me, the only thing that seems to help manage the noise in my head is channeling myself into creative outlets. I'm taking a painting class every week, and that seems to allow me some time and space to just "be" without having to worry about my life and the "what ifs" that keep me awake at night. I have also taken up colouring, which the kids love. We sit together and chat about how many sleeps it is until gymnastics, and I am taken to task for not buying raspberries on my last grocery run.
The hardest part of depression, for me, is that despite all of my best efforts, nothing I do seems to be working to pull myself out of it. I have favourite friends who make me laugh (but you know, they have jobs so I can't ask them to call me every day to help me smile). My writing muse seems to have up and left me. And while I know that exercising would help, I get tired from walking around the block. This isn't the me I want to be. I'm not telling you all this to make you feel sorry for me. I'm telling you so that you can have a better understanding of what a tough battle depression is. It isn't laziness, or being a downer – not purposely. It's a medical issue that is scary for the person dealing with it, and hard on the people around you. Anyone feel like colouring?