moments of sticky gratitude.

There are many things to complain about right now. Money, health, stress, the heat (oh my dog, the heat), and that's only scratching the service. But for some reason, as I sit here (sweating and trying not to get annoyed by the fly zooming around my head), I feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

We are so blessed, my little family of four. We have a huge support system of people who love of us, who will do whatever it takes to help us succeed. Through thick and thin, our family and friends are here for us from coast to coast, rallying with us day in and day out. Our house may not be big, or fancy (and it is most certainly a mess), but it is our home, the place we find solace at the end of the day. More than that, we have "enough". There may be things we would like to have but can't afford, but the things we truly need, we have.

So, thank you to the universe, for hearing me when I said "I want to make a change, I want to do something different" and helping me make it happen so quickly! And thank you universe for watching over us and making every day an adventure. I am truly grateful. Now, excuse me while I go take a shower to cool off...

canada day reloaded.

We spent yesterday afternoon chilling out at Nana and Bumpa's, enjoying their pool.

We wanted to get some photos of what will be our last Canada Day at Nana and Bumpa's house (they are moving to a new house in the spring).

Cam is a natural water baby. She gets that from me.

We're trying to teach Cam how to kick her feet in the water. All she wants to do is have us carry her around.

Seriously, this girl is so cute I could eat her up.

Max loves running laps around the pool. We keep a very close eye on him.

Each lap consist of a trip around the pool and then around the perimeter of the backyard.

We let him have his fun because he seems to enjoy himself so much (plus it tires him out).

Eventually he ends up in the pool, and then it is hard to get him out! Though, pleasant surprise, both kids were quite co-operative yesterday with transitioning out of the pool. 

Max has to have a dry set of shorts to change into immediately after getting out of the pool because he hates being in wet clothes (me too).

cam and the guys.

canadian thanksgiving: a turkey by any other name.

...would smell as sweet... actually, who am I kidding, it's smells better.  Especially if you don't have to slave over it all day and someone else serves it up and all you have to do is loosen your pants and enjoy.

Let me back up a bit...this afternoon, Scott and I made our annual Thanksgiving pilgrimage to Scott B. and Elizabeth's home to partake in Thanksgiving (yes - we are doubly blessed - 2 turkeys in 2 days!).  We have been lucky guests of Scott B. (a professional chef) and Elizabeth's since 2005 (I remember because I was preggo with Max and they were some of the first people we told).  For some reason there aren't any pictures from that year (irresponsible blogging on my part), but there was a picture from the next year (yeah, that's Max):

This year was no different - except over the past few years we have smartened up and stopped bringing our kids.  Turns out it's a lot easier to relax when you don't have to worry about your children tearing your friend's house apart.  Scott humoured me and let me snap this pic:

Our Thanksgiving friends, Steve, Amanda and Rachel B. were also in attendance.  We only ever see them at Thanksgiving, so it's interesting to catch up.  Of course, Scott and I come prepared with all sorts of wildly inappropriate jokes to keep things interesting.  I used to worry that we were too much for them, but they keep inviting us back, so I figure they find us entertaining.

I'm pretty sure my Scott just said something shocking to make Scott B. cringe like this:

Elizabeth is laughing on the inside:

Who needs to say a prayer when you've got this?:

Scott B's turkey is great, but I come for the butternut squash soup:

Beautiful Rachel humouring me while I photograph the wine and the cranberry sauce:

I put my foot in my mouth and made some generalization about teachers in the public school system and Amanda (who is a teacher) looked like she wanted to dump her wine on my head.  Yeah, awkward.  Scott played footsie with me...or maybe he was trying to kick me under the table?

Let's change the subject and get a better look at that turkey:

And look at these vegetables and mashed potatoes!!:

And the stuffing...oh the stuffing...:

Do you see the steam coming off that gravy?:

A work of art (about to be in my belly):

I made sure to not overdo it at dinner so that I'd have room for the pie.  I mean pies.  Three, to be exact.  Scott B. posed with his pumpkin pie for me:

And then there was the sugar pie, dear lord, the sugar pie (it made my teeth hurt but I could. not. stop. eating. it.  Damn the entire province of Quebec for coming up with something so incredibly tasty and so over the top sweet:

And of course, my contribution to the meal, apple pie (from Chudleigh's):

It was a wonderful meal, as it is every year.  Thank you to Scott B. and Elizabeth for sharing this meal with us.  We look forward to it every year, but we really must see each other more often!

children will listen.

Scott and I have been making a concerted effort to keep things light and carefree at home, despite the underlying stress and sadness that we feel about his mom. Max and Cameron are too young to understand what is going on with their Nana. They are too young to understand how sick she is.

My kids are way smarter than I give them credit for.

This past month Cameron has really struggled in the mornings. I’m talking huge meltdowns, kicking, screaming, and throwing anything she can get her hands on. It would break my heart if it didn’t stress me out so much. This little girl, she has a set of lungs that would make Jessye Norman proud. On the days when Nana is not up to coming over, Cam asks “where’s Nana? I want Nana!”. I am honest with her, and I say “Nana’s not feeling well, she is at home resting”. Cameron seems to understand what this means, and she nods and repeats “Nana not feeling well, she sleeping”. At night Cameron doesn’t want to go to bed and the theatrics continue. But I get it. She intrinsically feels that something is wrong and wants to just “be” with Scott and me. I don’t blame her for that (though I do need her to get some sleep and give me some down time).

Max has been very whiney lately. It’s hard to know what is causing this with all the changes he is dealing with. His sleep has been inconsistent, and he has been requiring a lot of sensory input to self-regulate. He’s not sure what to think when I pick him up at the end of the day instead of his Nana and Bumpa. What’s interesting is that even with all the chaos, he is making a tonne of progress. Over the past month he has started using the toilet for BMs consistently (seriously, this is a HUGE deal – it is zero fun cleaning up the poopy butt of a 4.5 year old). He has started requesting to go to the toilet as well (instead of us having to prompt him 100% of the time). I can’t remember the last time he had an accident from a #1 perspective either. We’ve also been hearing a lot more words and short sentences, like “I love timbits!” and “I want more toast”. Amazing stuff when you consider where he started.

The challenge through all of this is that it isn’t going to get better anytime soon. Scott and I are doing our best to hold it down while also being supportive of his parents, dealing with our own sadness individually, staying connected as a couple, all the while making sure Cam and Max are getting everything they need (and that nobody gets forgotten to get picked up at the end of the day!). It’s a lot.

I try to stay focused on the fact that this is not a unique experience. I’ll admit that some days it seems like we are the only ones in the world who are going through this, (but that is so far from the truth I am embarrassed to even admit that I’ve felt that way for even a second).

It’s the cycle of life.
I just wish we had more time with Lorraine.
I wish she didn’t have to suffer.
I wish she could see Cam's first dance class.
I wish she could see all the hard work she has put into Max come to fruition as he grows up into a fine young man.
For someone of such small physical stature she will leave a huge hole in our family.

sponge bob on the ceiling.

My mom has a knack for picking out toys for Max.  Carousels with flashing lights and music, laptop computers, musical caterpillars, shape sorters, winnie the pooh on a horse... her winning streak is going strong.  This is no small feat.  Choosing a toy for a child with Autism is a challenge - even for me!  Max's favourite toy right now is a wind up movie projector that projects sponge bob and plays music.  When he first got it earlier this year, he really didn't understand how to play with it.  Apparently he has figured it out now, because I came upstairs the other night to find him putting on a show for Scott and Cam in our bedroom.  Quite a sight to find my three favourite people cuddling together and enjoying themselves.  Joy in the little things indeed.

Note: I was not paid to write this post.  I just wrote it because it's a cool toy.

tune in tokyo.

Scott and I were interviewed by Kelly Crowe from CBC News this morning regarding a new report published in today's issue of the journal Science of the Translational Medicine in which researchers at Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children and the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health announce they have discovered specific genetic alterations on the X chromosome that increase the risk of developing autism. 

From what I understand, a small portion of the interview will air tonight on The National from 10pm to 11pm EST and the local Toronto CBC News from 5-6:30pm as well.  Check your local listings for the channel.  If you follow @scottcarefoot and @ficklefeline on twitter we'll let you know exactly when the segment is going to start.  It will also be on CBC radio and online.  I'll post the link once I have it.   And don't blink - you might miss it!  Thank goodness I got my hair done this past weekend....

Edited to add:

Here's the link! Fast forward to 14:00

Also, Max opened the National news tonight:

Here is the version that was run on the National news - different from the local news (better!):

adventure in the beach.

Saturday was our 6 year wedding anniversary.  We celebrated by ditching our kids and heading into Toronto for an entire 24 hours on our own (the first time in 2 years!!).  Our friend Raye generously offered up her house in The Beach for us as she and her man Craig were up in the Big Nickel.  They have a very nice place so we truly lucked out.  We dropped our stuff off, chilled for a bit and then decided to go explore the area.  After walking for a bit in search of a suitable restaurant, we decided to go with our friend Raye's suggestion of Gio Rana's at Queen and Leslie.  Feeling particularly lazy, we jumped in a cab.

Gio Rana's doesn't have a sign with their name on it - just this 3D nose.  We were a bit confused, and, as it turns out, there an hour before they open.  

We asked where they suggested to get a drink while we waited for them to open and we were directed to the Ceili Cottage (pronounced "kay-lee" for all you celtic fans).

I asked for a coffee but was informed "this ain't Tim Horton's darlin'" to which I responded "well, fuck me, I guess I'll have a beer then".  We ordered up 2 pints of the McAuslane Apricot Wheat Beer.  Pretty damn tasty.

Turns out Saturday was also the US Little League Championships -  Texas vs. Hawaii.  Instead of  doing the required hot wives shot, ESPN treated us to a closeup of the yummy mummy club.  Too funny.

We felt really bad for the Texas pitcher- he was getting killed on the mound and his coach had to leave him in the game because there were no relief pitchers available.  It was kind of uncomfortable to watch actually.

After Scott finished my beer we headed over to "The Nose" for dinner.  I ordered that coffee I wanted (no falling asleep on the one night of the year I get to be kid free!). And took a blurry picture of my coffee...it wasn't actually running across the table.

Our very friendly waitress Carly posed with the menu.  

I ordered the osso bucco.  Tasty tasty murder.

Scott ordered a steak dish of some sort.  Carly peppered him up.

Because it was our anniversary, Carly treated us to dessert - a wonderful brownie with fruit and whip cream and caramel and faint booze...and of course, tiramisu.  We were pretty full but we made a pretty good dent in it.

Since we were super stuffed after dinner, we decided to walk back to Raye's place to digest.  Of course, we had to take rude pictures along the way.  This is Scott's best impression of what "double hung" means.  I just think this store is over-promising...

We were also treated to an eyeful as the "Drop Everything For Cancer - Underwear Affair"  race was happening in our very midst.  I was the creepy chick with the bberry and I snapped this pic of these ladies in their skivvies unbeknownst to them.

We passed this really interesting tree as well.  I have no idea what kind it is - but wow!

This poor dog was tied up on our way to dinner and was still tied up almost 3 hours later.  It was pretty warm out so I felt bad for him.  

The view from the end of Raye's street is incredible.  Now I understand why people pay a fortune to live in The Beach.  It's like being at super modern cottage country in the middle of the city,  except with more cupcake shops and patios than you have ever seen in a single block.

We spent the rest of the evening relaxing, getting reacquainted, watched the movie "kick ass" and did I mention we relaxed? And slept...and there were no kids...that was the best part I think.  I even got time to read my new book, which as it turns out,  Raye is also reading.

Sunday morning we got up, walked up to Queen Street for brunch on a patio, then came back, chilled out some more and then packed up.  Raye had recommended we check out Ed's Real Scoop - so we went there for lunch.  If having gelato at noon counts as lunch?

I had a hard time choosing just one flavour, so I finally settled on a waffle cone with both raspberry and chocolate gelato.  Divine.  We must go back!  We made it back to Oakville early so we went grocery shopping before we hit home (gotta make sure we have something to feed the kids!).  I can't remember the last time I felt this relaxed.  What a difference a day made.