Friday, August 22, 2008

Excuse Me While I Whine.

I think I have the flakiest maid in the world. She is supposed to come every Friday at 11am. But really, she shows up every other week at best, and when she does come, it is at whatever damn time she pleases. Now, before you start mocking me for complaining about how hard done by I am because my cleaning lady only shows up 50% of the time, I know that I am pretty lucky to have a cleaning lady at all. I even checked the site White Whine before posting this blog to see if anyone else had the "nerve" to complain about their cleaning lady.

She has trained me well. I now clean my kitchen before she comes because if I leave the dishwasher for her to empty, I can't find a damn thing until she comes back and I ask her where she put my rice cooker, strainer, or veggie steamer. She tells me that she leaves me messages when she can't come, but her number never shows up on the call display. If I don't bring the vacuum up and leave it on the landing for her, she won't vacuum. She puts my wine glasses and fancy Paderno pots in the dishwasher, which gives me heart palpatations. If I don't put the clean sheets on the bed (and leave them instead on the dresser), she will not change the sheets. She doesn't empty the kitchen garbage, and when she washes the floors, she mops around the area rugs instead of taking them outside and shaking them out and actually washing the floor below them.

She puts my fancy steak knives in the drawer where I keep all the mismatched cutlery, doesn't clean the mirrors on the closet doors (typically covered in Max hand prints) and have I mentioned that when she does change the sheets to the beds, she somehow manages to find the one clean basket of laundry yet to be put away and jams the dirty sheets on top of my nicely folded and so-fresh-so-clean-clean clothes (even when I leave an empty basket at the end of the bed).

So, why the hell do I keep her? Well, when I went on maternity leave, I wanted to go down to having her come every other week. But then I realized, that's how often she comes anyway, so if I actually changed to every other week, I'd see her once a month at best. Also, she is the only person in my life who is actually helping me with the housework (Scott, god love him, is not the most useful around the house). And there is the issue about her having a key to my home...I just think the conversation where I ask for the key back is way too stressful to even contemplate.

She probably thinks I'm the flake, that I don't even care that she only shows up every now and again, I don't criticize her work, and I rarely get specific about things I want. Oh well. At least she gives me subject matter to blog about. That's something.


  1. Don't ask for your key back. Give her your blog address. Blogs can be very informative to those that distress us.

    You could try a checklist. Go over it with her so you have agreed to what's to be done. If it's not complete...? That's up to you.

    (BTW: I really do have a life; I just seem to be reading your blog a lot lately xx)

  2. Anonymous9:46 p.m.

    This is SO goddamn hilarious - what a great read.:-) I have similar woes, but I'm addicted to my cleaning lady. Like crack. The idea of doing my own cleaning now that she has been around a few months seems impossible.

    I hope you can have a heart-to-heart soon, before it leads to splitsville.


  3. Anonymous9:16 p.m.

    Cleaning lady!? Wow. In my dreams.

  4. Sigh, I know, I'm theory. Haven't seen her in weeks...