Thursday, April 21, 2011

accepting my imperfections in mothering a child with autism.

As part of Autism Awareness Month, I asked the talented folks at if I might provide them with a guest post for them to consider for their site.  I was thrilled when they said "yes".  I hope you'll check it out.

Without fail, the first thing I hear each morning is my son Max yelling “mommy, daddy, open the door, Max poop”. Every day, before I have even put a foot on the floor, I mentally kick myself for not getting up earlier than him to avoid all of this. If only I had gotten up, I could have woken Max up and positively reinforced the fact that he had not woken up and immediately stripped off his pajama bottoms and pull-up and dropped a deuce on his bedroom floor. Instead, I selfishly remained in a blissful slumber, allowing my five year old son, who has Autism, to once again repeat this undesirable behavior and further ingrain it into his daily routine.

For some reason, this responsibility rests squarely on my shoulders. Apparently I am okay with this, because rain or shine, it is me who is on her knees cleaning up feces every damn day. Perhaps it is a self-assigned punishment I have taken on to fully embrace mommy martyrdom. This is not the only time I will fail my son today. This is not the only time I will feel a deep sense of shame for not being good enough, strong enough, or energetic enough. the rest of this post at

1 comment:

  1. I just read your post at Aiming Low. I saw someone tweet about it and I'm so glad I did.

    I am a teacher for kids with Autism. I have my own children too and while none have any significant special needs, I can relate to the feelings of not doing/being enough as a mom.

    I've dedicated my blog all month long to Autism Awareness. I hope you'll stop by!