Monday, August 15, 2011

mental health monday: tangled in the vines.


Raye & Katrina
Sometimes the advice you give to others is the advice you should be saving for yourself. Funny how that works, eh? This weekend I spent Saturday at a Bachelorette party in Niagara. The bride, my friend Raye, was accompanied by 7 women, all married and/or moms, for a day of wine tasting. Let's just say it got a little rowdy. We went to four wineries, including Vineland (where Scott proposed to me almost 8 years ago). It was interesting being there with someone who is about to embark on this crazy adventure called marriage. Also, where the heck have the last 8 years gone? When I think back to the person I was back then, I almost don't recognize her. She had no idea what was in store for her, that's for sure.

Of course, getting away for a day is always a nice treat for me. Those of us with children gave helpful advice like "don't have kids" (which we didn't really mean, but seemed funny by the 4th winery). We could all relate to the stress of planning a wedding, and shared all of the stuff that went sideways on our big days. Amazingly enough, I am not the only one who finds there are not enough hours in the day (though I really have a hard time believing anyone without kids has a leg to stand on when making this complaint). The common thread of the day was that even though we all have very different lives, we are all more the same than we are different. 

Huh. So, I'm not the only one who gets stuck. Or struggles with body image issues. Wonders why my husband does that thing that irritates the hell out of me. Wants to eat healthier and drink more water (as I reach for the wine). Finds it more appealing to sit when I know I should move. Finds juggling work with the rest of my life a challenge. Thinks Sauvignon Blanc smells a bit like cat pee (actually I'm alone on that).

Somehow knowing I'm not alone in these things makes me feel motivated to make some changes. How can it be that these stunningly gorgeous women don't see their awesome beauty? Why is it so hard for us to do the very things we know would help us feel better, be it eating right or moving our bodies? And the self doubt? I find it humbling and mind numbing. My advice to several of my friends was that they need to figure out what their hearts are telling them, and separate that from the swirling emotions that are bouncing around in their brains. They need to fix the disconnect between their bodies and minds. They need to love themselves first before they can love anyone else. All good advice. I think I'll try to take it.  

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