smile with your heart.

This Saturday I had the good fortune to spend the day with my friend Shelagh and eight other women at an Open Heart Workshop. It was an extremely powerful experience for me, and one that has left me feeling both grounded and much lighter.

The description of this workshop is that it "gently guides you to feel and understand your heart better, so you can feel calmness, peacefulness, and joy every moment of your life. You will also learn to recognize the difference between the heart, brain, feelings, emotions and thoughts"

Level 1 offers you the opportunity to open your heart to:
- Reduce stress
- Learn to let go burdens and negative emotions
- Learn to shift negative into positive for a more fulfilled life
- Become more focused and aware of your surroundings
- Improve your physical, mental and emotional health

It also touched on trusting that the universe has your best interests at heart and if you can let go of expectations and let the universe unfold for you, you will ultimately be much happier. Something to work on for sure.

Imogen Heap - Propellor Seeds:

be the water.

My friend Shelagh's note simply read "be the water and not the rock in the stream of life. Let things unfold as the universe intends them for you". I thought on this for a moment and stretched this thought into "Be the water, not the rock. water has the flexibility to change direction; a rock stays in one place and gets worn out".

be the water

So simple, and so perfect. And as if this thought was not gift enough today, it also happened that Shelagh was able to come and spend time with me this afternoon. We had many heart moments and connected in a way that made me feel both loved and at peace at the same time. Go with the flow, don't get stuck, be responsible for your energy, you can change the trajectory of someone's day with your smile.

be the water 

So often I need to be "the rock" that people count on, the stable force. But perhaps the water is just as powerful. When we picture rocks we think of being solid, steady, and strong. Water is all of those things but also flexible, peaceful, and constant. Something to think on for sure.

be the water

Let go of relationships that have moved on from this earth, release those who no longer have need of you. Trust that the pockets of air created by their absences will fill in slowly, at first as a trickle and then as a steady stream as the water pours in to fill the voids.

Be the water.

open up your heart and let go of the expectations, but hold onto your dreams.

Something that I have been thinking a lot about lately is the idea of "letting go". I spend a lot of time worrying about things I cannot control. It is exhausting and stressful and it eats away at my happiness. What if I could let go of all of those expectations and just take joy in whatever good things that happen? Perhaps if I ask for less, I will be happier with what comes my way.

It is, after all, the ability to see the little things that make a life truly joyful.

Cammie's smile as she swings at the park, wind in her face.
Max being greeted by two girls at daycare who want to play with him.
The feeling of satisfaction after installing a new pull-up bar.
Picking up fruits and vegetables at the local farmer's market.

When we free ourselves from expectations, we also lift the heavy veil of disappointment and sadness that falls on us when things don't go as we had hoped. It is incredibly liberating. As I work to seek out these glimpses of joy in every day, I find I worry less. I still dream big, but I have realized that a dream is really just a thought that should bring a smile to your face.

the benefits of having a child with autism.

No, that's not a typo.  I really did title this post "the benefits of having a child with autism".  It came to me while I was driving to the bank yesterday when I realized that were it not for Max, I would never have met Kim Pace.  She is a pivotal person in Max's journey.  She is the first person who reached out to us.  She is the person who immediately saw Max for the awesome little dude he is.  When I have struggled, she has lifted me up and given me hope.  Our journey would have been very different without her.

There is a long list of people I never would have met if not for Max's diagnosis.  I doubt I could list them all if I tried.  Because of Max I have met some of the strongest, most generous of spirit, patient, and insightful individuals in my community.  Whether they were reaching out to me as a mom of a newly diagnosed child with Autism, or giving me a knowing "ah, you're one of us" looks when we realize we both have children with special needs, they are all in my life because of Max.

Being a parent of a child with special needs also teaches you to see the world through a more forgiving lens.  You become acutely aware that we are all works in progress.  Some of us wear our challenges on the outside for all to see.  Some hide them on the inside  (but they are most certainly still there).  You also take a serious look at how you define "happiness" and "fulfillment" and likely come to think of them in very different terms than that of your pre-Autism self.

Priorities and scales of importance change.  It becomes very easy to not "sweat the small stuff' as you simply don't have the energy or time.  You become more observant and notice people who do not fit the mold.  Any fear or apprehension you may have felt previously when in the presence of a person with special needs disappears as you know they are "your people".

You become a better communicator, and you learn to receive information through more than just words.  Max tells me things with his eyes, through is touch, and the sounds he makes when his words don't come out clearly.  I speak much more succinctly and choose my words more carefully.  Negative reinforcement is not effective with children with Autism (or anyone, really, for that matter).  This changes your speech patterns from "No climbing!" to "feet on floor".  It's amazing how the shift from defaulting to "no" to communicating what you actually want someone to do changes a situation and creates a more positive outcome. 

I don't say all this to blow sunshine up your derriere or to pretend that I am happy to have a child with Autism.  It is more of an acknowledgement of the life lessons I have been afforded because of Max.  I truly believe they have helped me grow and have changed me for the better.  And I can't imagine my world without people like Kim Pace.

happiness despite barfiness.

This week I got my ass handed to me.  Literally, figuratively, you name it, I got up close and personal with  my entire family's bodily fluids (and not the good ones).  Here we are, five days after The Stomach Bug of 2011 hit us, and we are just now coming up for air.  On a side note, I wish it weren't so damn cold out - or else I'd have have every single window in my house wide open!  This place smells rank.

Between loads of laundry, I had a lot of time on my hands to think (uh oh).  This year is just two weeks in, and already I feel a significant shift in my thinking patterns.  Yes, we are all sick.  Yes, we are all tired.  And yes, I do fear that our couch will smell permanently of regurgitated milk and apples (big ups to my boy Max).  But, we are managing.  We are holding it together and not biting each other's heads off.  And somewhere in there, we are keeping a sense of humour about the whole thing.  That is not to be discounted.

So, while I rejoice that my washer didn't bite the biscuit this week and that Target is coming to Canada (praise be), I wanted to share this happiness flow chart that my dear friend Jennifer emailed me this morning.

Being happy, finding joy, whatever your name for levity is, it truly is a choice.  Powerful.

Note: (Happiness is also hearing the dryer shut off on that last load of sheets and knowing that for the next 5 minutes, everything in your home is clean.)

lunch prep gone bananas.

As part of my own personal happiness project/resolution to find my joy in 2011 (official site here),  I am tackling a few items at a time.  The most important thing I am focusing on is my mental health.  The two tactics I'm using for this are exercising every day with P90X, and getting to bed early every night.  If I manage to do those two things and I'm feeling ambitious, I am also trying to be more organized so that I don't get stressed out about stuff like packing lunches in the morning.  As you may recall, Max takes quite a bit of food with him each day (he needs enough to cover off snack and lunch for junior kindergarten and a snack for his afternoon therapy.

In addition, I have always been a fan of packing healthy snacks for myself to take to work.  I like to eat well and I hate to spend money on lunch.  The combined time of packing both Max and my food for the day is over 20 minutes (which I never have in the morning so we're always late).   This Sunday I decided to prepare all of our fruits and vegetables for the first half of the week at once.  It only took 20 minutes - so I saved myself 40 minutes and a lot of morning stress.  The containers with the red lids and oranges are for me, and the labelled containers are for Max.   I still make sandwiches in the morning because I can't stand refrigerated bread and it only takes 2 minutes to slap them together.

I sure am glad I don't have to pack a lunch for Cam yet!  What do you do to make your mornings less stressful?

happiness is a pair of comfy socks.

My friend Jennifer gave me the book "The Happiness Project" for Christmas.  Seemingly unrelated, she also got me 2 pairs of North Country socks (her personal favourites).

And then this morning I put them on, and it all made sense.  You see, happiness is a pair of comfy socks.

I think we make attaining happiness too damn hard.  All it takes is stopping for a moment and soaking it up.  Happiness is all around you.  Cameron complaining that "Max is touching her", Max giggling as he pokes Cameron over and over again until she screams "MAX NO THANK YOU!! STOP TOUCHING ME!".   Watching Louis CK's latest movie (for free!) on my mac in bed, taking pictures of my feet. the way the clouds covered this morning's sky as if they had been rolled out on parchment paper.

But mostly it's a pair of comfy socks.