Fickle Feline: Hey babe - are we exchanging cards tomorrow?
Husband: Um, do you want to exchange cards?
Fickle Feline: Nah, I know you love me. I don't need a card for that.
Husband: Cool, I'm really busy today. Do you need/want me to get you that soap you like from Lush?
Fickle Feline: No, I'm good. That soap costs 1/3 of an hour of Max therapy. I don't need it that bad.
Husband: Alright - see you tonight.
Autism isn't romantic. It is, in fact, the exact opposite. When I look back at this picture of Scott and me on our wedding day, I think, wow, we thought we had already been through a lot of stress together, weathered many storms, walked through the fire...but really, we had no idea what tough times were, or what was headed our way. Having a child with a disability can tear a couple apart. The stress, it would make Barack Obama lose his cool. The sadness, would make a statue cry. The majority of couples with Autistic children don't make it, the stress is too much. But I know that Scott and I will be okay. We will get through this together, because we are best friends.
I'm not saying it has been easy. I'm not saying I haven't done my share of complaining. We fight, we snap, we grumble, we forgive. There are days where I think I can't take anymore. When Scott gets home from work, he sees it, and after he gives Max a bath and puts him to bed, he takes Cameron for an hour so I can relax, chill out, do whatever. I know that he is tired too, that he has worked all day, and I appreciate that he understands that I live for this hour "off".
Our life, it isn't glamorous. Most nights we don't get to sleep in the same bed - one child or another has one of us up, be it Cameron teething, or Max having an episode. We aren't able to take Max out many places, and our babysitting resources are limited. Our definition of a "date night" has changed since our days of living carefree in downtown Toronto. Watching a DVD together on a Saturday night after Max goes to bed, with Cameron sitting between us, that is good times. Even this takes planning to make sure we can make it happen. Love is getting up early and letting your partner sleep, even though you are exhausted. Love is a hug in the kitchen while your partner empties the dishwasher. Love is telling someone that no matter how hard it gets, you are going to be there, and it will be okay.
Scott - I love you. And I love you more every day when I see how patient you are with Max, how you don't lose your cool when he gets really upset, how you remain gentle even as he lashes out in frustration. I love that you take so much joy in seeing Cameron's progress, and that you too do not take any of it for granted. I love that you cherish me, and make me feel like I am a goddess. We have a tough road ahead of us, and I know that one day, we will get to look back at the life we have lived, and smile, knowing we did our best, together.
Vote for Katrina @ Fickle Feline 2.0 and send me to BlogHer in Chicago! My Rewards & Benefits of Blogging post made the Top 10 Finalists of the Mabel's Label's BlogHer Contest. So, please, vote for me! And ask your friends to vote for me too!!
80% of marriages for couples who have a child with autism end in divorce. 80%!!! And it's no surprise really....raising neuro-typical kids is hard enough, throw some autism into the mix and, well, as you said...not so romantic. Just really expensive and exhausting! :) But, I know neither of us would trade in our little boys for all the romance in the world.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea it was that high, but I'm not surprised.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, I wouldn't trade Max for all the romance in the world.
Hmmm.I'd love to see the source for those statistics and whether they refer to the USA or Canada.
ReplyDeletemb
80-85% is commonly quoted, by the NAA and many articles dealing with the topic of autism and the stress it puts on families and marriages. Believe me, I wish it wasn't the case, but I know even anecdotally, I've seen it time and time again...far more often then my friends with neuro-typical kiddos.
ReplyDeleteI just really like that post. It kind of brought tears to my eyes so I hope you meant it or I'm gonna feel really dumb ;)
ReplyDeletePS: Scott, i also love you on both me and Kat's behalf!
I totally meant it, it's okay if it brought tears to your eyes.
ReplyDeletei am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted Drehiaghe for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then he told me that he have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, he cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Drehiaghe shrine casted on him that made him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you DR.ehiaghe for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com or call +2348104933655 and you will see that your problem will be solved.
ReplyDeleteI was married for 16 years to a loving mother and wife. We had 2 children together who are now 11 and 13. I reconnected with an old girlfriend from college on Facebook and we began an affair and I left my wife. The woman I had an affair with is a wonderful woman and I love her too and our kids had begun accepting the situation and my wife has kind of moved on, but not in love with the man she is seeing. I thought I fell out of love with my wife and I felt terrible about what I did to her - she is a good woman and I don't know what came over me. I decided to try and get her back and I was recommended to Lord Zakuza for help to get reunited with my wife and within 48 hours after I made contact with Lord Zakuza my wife decided to work things out with me and now we are back together with our children living as one happy family. I really don't know the words to use in appreciation of what Lord Zakuza did for me but I will say thank you sir for reuniting I and my family back. For those in trying times with their marriages or relationship can WhatsApp Lord Zakuza for help with this number +1 740 573 9483 or you can send him an email to Lordzakuza7@gmail.com
ReplyDelete