Sunday, August 09, 2009

Always Someone's Baby.

The older I get, the wiser my mother gets and the more I understand her. As I raise my own children, see them grow, picture them as teens, adults, parents themselves, I start to understand that Max and Cameron will always be my babies. Therefore, I must still be my Mother's baby. Perhaps this is obvious to most, but it wasn't to me. Not the intensity of it, the love and concern of it. I look at my children now and I know that no matter how old they are, they will always be my priority, they will always be at the front of my mind.

I write a lot about the pain I feel, the things I am working through in dealing with being the mother of an Autistic son. I have never stopped to think what it must feel like to be the mother of a woman with an Autistic son, or a grandmother of an Autistic grandson. I have no idea what that feels like. I imagine that there is quite a bit of sadness involved is seeing your own baby worry so much about her baby. Not only do you worry about how your child is coping, but you also grieve for your grandson. At least, that is what I am guessing.

My mother is such a source of strength for me. She gives me hope on days when I am at rock bottom. She tells me she believes in me. She slips me money to go get myself a new pair of shoes and makes me promise not to spend it on diapers. And she sings a message of hope and optimism that lifts me up and gives me strength to continue "fighting the good fight".

Mom, I get it. Thank you for being my mom and I know I will always be your baby.  

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:13 AM

    We are both blessed with great pillars of strength Kat-- today's beautifully written blog really hit home.

    I often catch my Mom looking away purposely so I wouldn't see her sadness and tear-filled eyes as she watches me watch Adam with such a heavy heart of undescribable love & pain. That look she has is equivalent to a million words and acts from the heart only a "mother" could ever understand. Hope you don't mind I shared this with her (via e-mail) & we had a good cry together(over the phone) it did us both a world of good...she is coming over this weekend for some much needed Mom, Dtr & Grandchildren time, lol!

    Thank you Therapist Kat:).

    xTag

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  2. I feel that I'm only beginning to appreciate all that my mom still does for me, too - listening on the phone, asking me how my health is, clipping coupons for my favorite products and sending them to me, still being my mom even after 33 years (and as long as 44 years when it comes to my siblings).

    We're lucky to have our moms still there, still caring, still mom.

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