Thursday, November 25, 2004

You know what I heard about Dick Wolf?

Okay, that's kind of an inside joke in my house. The answer is "Yeah, he has a wolf named Dick!". Absolutely juvenile. We also have names for each of the spin-off shows. Law & Order Criminal Intent is known as "Mr. Ridiculous" and Law & Order SVU is known as "Hottie & Sexy". While I think the reasoning behind both nicknames should be obvious, I will explain. "Mr. Ridiculous" is for Vincent D'Onofrio's character, Detective Robert Goren. This guy is unbelievable. He speaks about 50 different languages. He has the weirdest resume I have ever heard of (well, I once worked as an excavator in the Mayan ruins...this time when I was a journalist in Russia...) and every show, without fail, does this weird/intimidating bend at the hip/stare in the perp's face during the good cop/bad cop interrogations. I have this theory that he is undead - with all of his different life experiences that he draws on to do his job he'd have to be about 500 years old.

Then there is "Hottie and Sexy". Have you ever seen two cops with those kind of good looks? Mariska Hargitay is Hottie and Christopher Meloni is Sexy. I wouldn't mind getting in trouble if either one of these cops showed up at my front door. Sadly, cops in my neck of the woods never seem to look like that. Anyway, I digress. Scott and I are fairly religious L&O watchers. We'll even watch re-runs, with an unspoken game between us to see who can figure out which show we are watching first ("Oh, it's the one where the religious zealot mother goes crazy and kills her baby in the boiler room furnace..."). On Tuesday, we were watching L&O SVU (Hottie & Sexy) and they did that bullshit ending where they don't tell you who did it - you have to go to the NBC website and vote. Did he rape her or didn't he? What the hell? I HATE THAT. HEY DICK - CUT IT OUT - I LIKE MY LAW & ORDER TO COME WITH CLOSURE. They did that on L&O CI (Mr. Ridiculous) earlier this season with that weak storyline featuring Olivia D'Abo (who hasn't been cool since "The Wonder Years"). I know Dick is trying to be edgy and different to compete with the CSI franchise, I GET IT. But I don't like it, I think it sucks.

So, Dick Wolf, this is a message from one of your most faithful viewers. You have my loyalty. I don't even mind that Jerry Orbach is gone because Dennis Farina is AWESOME. I can't wait until Elisabeth Rohm's skinny ass is off the show later this season. But cut out this choose-your-own-adventure-style ending crap. It drives me nuts and leaves me feeling unfulfilled, defeating the entire purpose of sitting on my duff with a rye and ginger for an hour of TV. Okay, I'm glad you know where I stand. And say hi to your wolf named Dick for me.


  1. Anonymous2:11 p.m.

    This is your best blog yet. However, your Mariska link doesn't work.

    Seriously, that "vote for the ending" deal is vexing. WTF, Dick?

  2. Who are you Anon?

    Thanks for the heads up on the Mariska link - it is fixed now. Also, glad you like the blog!

  3. I laughed really hard at your dick jokes, Kat - keep up the good work! Also, I LOOOOVE Law & Order, but I miss Baby's dad (aka Jerry Orbach but he will always be Baby's dad to me from Dirty Dancing), and Dennis Farina (is "farina" the French word for flour? for some reason when I read "farina" I see a Robin's Flour bag in my head) FREAKS ME OUT.

  4. Also - how do you get your pictures to appear so nice and small? Mine appear fucking HUGE.

  5. Head Rabbit - hey, I'll keep the dick jokes coming, as long as you keep up the log jokes ;-)

    I miss Lenny too, but I think they did a really good job with Dennis Farina. Not sure about the french word for flour? Every time he comes on the screen Scott and I yell "fuck you fuck ball!" at the tv. We are classy.

    I size the pictures in Photoshop - I try to limit the width to 320 pixels because that is the size limitation for the service. Yes, I am a nerd.

  6. Yeah, agreed. It was your best blog entry yet... loved the snap of anger and the combination of jokes. It's kinda like mine, on a more sophisticated level -sniff-. Heh. Mine can be too sista-girl-rantish but that's JUST what the world needs. A sista be angry and she ain't takin' it no mo.
    Yo, I lost track of all the L&O's but CSI can stuff it cause it can't hold a candle to L&O. The "Hottie and Sexy" version is hype. Unknown fact: did you know Soli was seriously contemplating a career in working on the same kinda force? I get so vexed when I hear about kids being abused/killed and women being beaten... a sista's got a lot of anger and she can use it to beat down child molesters, I tell you! I would clean up dem bad streets, girl!

  7. Oh ya, and ol dude (Vincent D'Onofrio) hear about him being hospitalized? Tell him to stop taking whatever crack he's taking.
    And I LOOOOOOOOVE 'brotha-that-was-on-Ally-McBeal'... he can come and detect me, ya suh!
    Ice T is the shot because brother is hardcore. Seeing him on Dave Chap's 1st season did it for me -- the man's hilarious. How do you get away being on a TV show and STILL going by the name "Ice T"? Just like "The Rock" being in movies and being billed as... well... "The Rock". It's wack and hilarious at the same time.

  8. Ice T deserves his own dedicated blog entry - that is how awesome he is. I'll add that to the idea list :-) I can just picture you laying the smack down on criminals Soli! Truth told, I sometimes can't watch Hottie & Sexy - it gets too gruesome for me! When I wimp out I turn the channel to Judging Amy and all is right with the world.

  9. Goodie! (claps hands) Would love to read your entry on Ice T! hahaha
    I was on Mariska's website...that's so cool that she takes the time out to write about her personal experiences. So many stars use the web as a vehicle to show off their T&A...something soli doesn't appreciate.
    YO! Some lady in the U.S. has the .com address that I want... MY NAME! And she ain't update it since 2003. I have one up on her... I checked the .com registry through GoDaddy ('cause I'm SNEEEEEAKY like that) and I found that it expires at the end of the year. Soli's gonna buy it and start her own website!