You know what I heard about Dick Wolf?

Okay, that's kind of an inside joke in my house. The answer is "Yeah, he has a wolf named Dick!". Absolutely juvenile. We also have names for each of the spin-off shows. Law & Order Criminal Intent is known as "Mr. Ridiculous" and Law & Order SVU is known as "Hottie & Sexy". While I think the reasoning behind both nicknames should be obvious, I will explain. "Mr. Ridiculous" is for Vincent D'Onofrio's character, Detective Robert Goren. This guy is unbelievable. He speaks about 50 different languages. He has the weirdest resume I have ever heard of (well, I once worked as an excavator in the Mayan ruins...this time when I was a journalist in Russia...) and every show, without fail, does this weird/intimidating bend at the hip/stare in the perp's face during the good cop/bad cop interrogations. I have this theory that he is undead - with all of his different life experiences that he draws on to do his job he'd have to be about 500 years old.


Then there is "Hottie and Sexy". Have you ever seen two cops with those kind of good looks? Mariska Hargitay is Hottie and Christopher Meloni is Sexy. I wouldn't mind getting in trouble if either one of these cops showed up at my front door. Sadly, cops in my neck of the woods never seem to look like that. Anyway, I digress. Scott and I are fairly religious L&O watchers. We'll even watch re-runs, with an unspoken game between us to see who can figure out which show we are watching first ("Oh, it's the one where the religious zealot mother goes crazy and kills her baby in the boiler room furnace..."). On Tuesday, we were watching L&O SVU (Hottie & Sexy) and they did that bullshit ending where they don't tell you who did it - you have to go to the NBC website and vote. Did he rape her or didn't he? What the hell? I HATE THAT. HEY DICK - CUT IT OUT - I LIKE MY LAW & ORDER TO COME WITH CLOSURE. They did that on L&O CI (Mr. Ridiculous) earlier this season with that weak storyline featuring Olivia D'Abo (who hasn't been cool since "The Wonder Years"). I know Dick is trying to be edgy and different to compete with the CSI franchise, I GET IT. But I don't like it, I think it sucks.

So, Dick Wolf, this is a message from one of your most faithful viewers. You have my loyalty. I don't even mind that Jerry Orbach is gone because Dennis Farina is AWESOME. I can't wait until Elisabeth Rohm's skinny ass is off the show later this season. But cut out this choose-your-own-adventure-style ending crap. It drives me nuts and leaves me feeling unfulfilled, defeating the entire purpose of sitting on my duff with a rye and ginger for an hour of TV. Okay, I'm glad you know where I stand. And say hi to your wolf named Dick for me.