Snippity-Snip, Barba-Trip.

I don't want any more children. My husband, Scott, doesn't want any more children either. We have two - one of each, one who needs a lot more than most, and the other is a mere 9 months old. So, why, if we know we are done procreating, is it so hard for either of us to bite the bullet and get ourselves "fixed"?

We both acknowledge that it would be a lot easier for Scott to get snipped than for me to get my tubes tied. I am tired of being on the pill, and one of the benefits of being married is that you don't have to monkey around with some of the other less desirable (cough, cough...intrusive) forms of birth control.

So, what do we do now? It appears we are at a stalemate. When I asked Scott why he is so hesitant to have a vasectomy, he told me that there was something about the procedure that made him uncomfortable. I understand, because I too, do not want to become "infertile", I am not ready to become permanently incapable of having children.

Somewhere, deep in the recesses of my heart, I have to admit that I am still open to the possibility of more children. The thing that scares me the most is the thought that we could have another child with Autism. I know this sounds terrible, but I don't know that I would be able to do this again. I mean, of course I would, I would love another baby as much as I love Max and Cameron and we would do everything we could to help another child with special needs, just like we are doing for Max. But I have to be realistic, that I can only take so much. I can only do so much.

I am looking forward to things settling down as the kids get older. I know that we will always be busy, but I am looking forward to the day that both my kids sleep through the night, and I can go on a date with my husband without having to pump milk for days in advance. I look fondly at all of my sewing supplies, packed up in the basement, waiting for the day that I will have more than just a few minutes to string together and I can sit down and...sigh...quilt. The thought of writing a blog post without a baby in my lap makes me downright giddy.

Huh. I'm not sure where this leaves us. Further discussion is certainly required. Is there anyone else out there dealing with this issue? If so do tell.

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