Friday, April 09, 2010

There is Nothing Love Cannot Face.

I've been thinking a lot about "love" lately. Love of all kinds. As I sat on the couch last night, Max snuggled up next to me, I realized something. One of the hardest things for me about Max is that he is not able to show love in ways that I like receiving it. With Cam it is easy to know she loves me. Smiles, kisses, excited exclamations of "Mama, UP!!" and how very sad she is when I attempt to put her down, ever.

Max does not have the same expressive language that Cam has. He shows his love in much more subtle ways. It's in his smiles, the proud look he gives me when he masters something and sees how excited I am. It's his little body pressing into me as he sits on the couch next to me, it's his joyous laugh as I chase him at the park or run in front of him pretending that he is chasing me.

I wonder sometimes, how does Max need to receive my love? Have I been missing the mark with him, showing him love in the ways I like to receive it instead of truly considering how he can understand it, feel it. I imagine being here every day through thick and thin no matter what is a way that he knows I am one of his people. Squeezes and singing and stories and smiles. Knowing what he likes, and what sets him off, speaking "max", and seeing his beauty beneath the challenging behaviour are expressions of love he can process.

I think that maybe I have been a little selfish in how I love. I need to reassess how I am willing to accept love in my life. It can't always be on my terms. I suspect that truth be told, accepting love on someone else's terms is the truest form out there. Once again, I learn from Max.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:42 PM

    god, this was such a beautiful and thought-provoking post. you're a talented writer and mom.

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  2. Anonymous11:03 PM

    Beautifully put Kat.
    Hope you & the family are keeping well.
    :) Tag

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