Saturday, April 03, 2010

Zombie Fridge.

It started out like any other day. I shuffled into the kitchen, got the coffee maker going, and reached into my fridge for the carton of cream. That's when I screamed from the sharp pain of teeth sinking into my tender flesh and felt myself being pulled into the veggie crisper with the force of a dozen sturdy gremlins (the kind that get wet after midnight, not the cute and cuddly ones with bug eyes). I gasped in terror and staggered backwards, clutching my hand to my chest, holding onto my oven door for support. The fridge door creaked shut, slowly, mocking me the entire time and most certainly daring me to attempt to retrieve the cream once more. Needless to say, I drank my coffee black.

After my 2nd cup of coffee, I realized I was acting like a child. I mean, there couldn't actually be something living in my fridge. For sure I had let it get slightly out of hand, what with the questionable items in Tupperware pushed to the back of the fridge. And the squishy produce intermingled with its fresher cousins. Ummm...certainly anyone foolish enough to dive into any product without carefully checking the expiry date is a fool and I cannot be blamed for food poisoning merely because the product originated in my fridge, right? Yes, the dirty secret is out - when I did my kitchen overhaul, that clearly did NOT include le frigidaire.

On second thought, maybe we had reached a crisis situation (I'm guessing it isn't normal to get bitten by perishable items that have taken on a life of their own?). I prepped a garbage can, put on some plastic gloves, and prayed to dog that I would live to tell this story. Interestingly enough, the creature who had attempted to dismember me earlier was nowhere to be found. In its absence, it had left an awful stench though. A warning perhaps? After emptying the fridge, I realized this was a bigger job than I had anticipated. It needed a full scrub down. It needed bleach. It needed prayer and redemption.

BEFORE:No fewer than 3 hours later, my fridge was returned to its happy, clean, cool, calm, collected, creature-free self. We're on speaking terms again. It is filled with fresh produce and there is no longer a terrible smell wafting from its depths. But I have been put on notice and given a strong recommendation to pick up some of those new fresh food Date Mates labels from the lovely ladies at Mabel's Labels. Who knew my fridge was in cahoots with them?



  1. Anonymous7:44 p.m.

    Awesomeness! Now come do mine?

  2. Anonymous12:57 p.m.

    As the efman will atest to my obessive behaviour, I am a nazi for expiry dates. I once found decaf in our cupboard that expired 2 years prior and also hurled at the thought of it existing in the house.
    I couldn't explain why I like to throw things the day after they expire, but I've had food poisoning enough times in my life to check things out before consuming.
    I guess it comes with the territory of checking labels for 'may contain peanuts' as well, (as per my anti-peanut nazism)