Tuesday, August 31, 2010

my welcome mat is very misleading.

We don’t answer the door at our house. Partly because we are anti-social pricks (our neighbours will be the first to confirm this), but mostly because an unsolicited knock on the door is never good.

Likely reasons you are knocking on my door without an invitation:
  1. you are trying to get me to join your religious cult
  2. you are asking me for money for xyz worthy cause
  3. you are trying to get me to sign up for a fixed gas rate plan with a contract that invites you to bend me over and have your way with me whenever you so choose
  4. you wish to do me and my family harm (super not okay)
  5. you are running for office and want to solicit my vote
  6. you know we are eating something super yummy for dinner and want to join us
  7. you are serving me with a subpoena (uncool)
Okay reasons for knocking on my door without an invitation:
  1. it’s halloween and you are a really cute little kid in an awesome costume
  2. you are giving me money (this has yet to happen)
  3. you are bringing me pizza and wings and/or booze
  4. you live here and you forgot your keys 
  5. you are selling girl guide cookies
What really makes me hit the roof is when someone rings the doorbell, waits, and when the door is not answered, they start knocking. WTF? If I didn’t want to answer my door when you rang my doorbell, what makes you think being persistent is going to make me any more likely to be receptive to what you are trying to sell?? In fact, all you are doing is making my blood boil so that I when I do answer the door I’m going to rip your head off. 

In the age of technology and social media, there are so many more effective ways to communicate with people. I am amazed that having people go door-to-door is still occurring at all. At least with telemarketers I can just ignore my phone. Having someone physically at my door is really intrusive. (Just to be clear, Scott and I absolutely donate to charities. When our friends are doing something for a cause they are passionate about, we do our best to sponsor them. When we can, we donate to charities that are important to us. It just so happens that right now, we are scrambling to make ends meet because of Max’s therapy bills.)  

So, to recap, I’ll quote the great Greta Garbo “I just want to be left alone”. And if you can’t do that, stick to email – I’m much more likely to answer that than my door.


  1. excerpt from my blog (read last 2 points):

    "Undesirable people and/or their undesirable qualities:

    -Self-righteous jazz musicians (Keith, contrary to what you so adamantly believe, the whole universe does not revolve around you either)
    -Self-righteousness in general
    -People who don’t know or care about anything outside of their own neighbourhood
    -People who take gambling too seriously
    -People in streets or public gathering areas holding CLIP BOARDS. Don’t approach me! Don’t talk to me! I just want to enjoy my afternoon at the market without you trying to sell me some one-time-only spa package offer. PISS OFF!!!!!
    -People who come to my HOUSE with CLIP BOARDS! They’re even worse. GO AWAY, or I’ll get the garden hose!"

  2. When people come looking for money, they often try to relate to my kids. I usually respond with how much money it costs to treat autism and they let me off the hook looking sheepish. Even the boldest person will shut up when I say, "do you think your product is more important than her future?"

    My doorbell does not work - it is a fake to trick people who I don't know. Sadly, like yourself, this often doesn't work at my house.

  3. @Vanessa, you are my soul sister!

  4. @AutisticWisdom - I use therapy costs as an excuse all the time. But I think I might start telling people that my cat's organic kitty food is quite expensive so no, I won't give them money.

  5. Our legion of barking dogs usually serves to scare people off, so no one knocks on our door unless they have a truly important reason.

    I also dislike being bothered when I'm walking around in public. Remember when that guy was hassleing me about getting a flu shot and you yelled at him to leave me alone. That was great.

  6. Oh yeah! He was a jerk. So inappropriate! I will gladly defend your right not to get a flu shot and not to be taken on about it any time!

    I also don't like being hassled in public. My fav thing to do when someone tries to hand me something is to leave my arms and hands limp at my sides so that whatever they are trying to give me lands on the ground.

  7. I couldn't agree with you more. I have spent many hours hunkered down by the peep hole hoping uninvinted (and some invited) visitors would go away. My son does not share the rest of the family's antisocial leanings and often yells, for all to hear, that there is someone at the door. This kinda makes ignoring them awkward. But we perservere.

  8. lol - in our house it is Cameron that rats us out - "Mommy!! Mommy!! Get the door!!"

    Gotta work on that.