Friday, December 03, 2010

reverb 10, days 1, 2 and 3.

Once again, I'm a little late to the party (but we all know it's better to show up once everyone else has arrived so you can make a proper entrance).  The party? Reverb 10.  The deal? Basically, every day for the month of December I'll reflect on this past year and send out reverberations for the year ahead.  So, all sorts of navel gazing and being up my own ass.  But isn't that what blogging is mostly about anyway?  I certainly like to think so.  Though, you know, it's also a terrific way to advocate for stuff that is really important to you and show off how gorgeous your kids are. 

day 1: one word.
(encapsulate the year 2010 in one word.)

I selected this word, not because of the rediscover your wonder project I've been participating in, but because this year has been one of self-rediscovery.  I started this year at one of the lowest points I have ever been.  Through a lot of hard work, time, healing, forgiveness, loving, medication and breathing deeply I feel like I am finally starting to squeeze my way out of this cocoon of protective armour.  I'm not there yet, but I can feel the freedom of shedding this sadness that has been weighing me down.  The me that loves to laugh and create and spread joy is starting to emerge and I am tempted to say "hey lady - I've MISSED you!!".

day 2: writing.
(what do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?)

negative self-talk.
The moment something goes wrong or falls apart, I immediately blame myself and think "what could I have done differently to avoid this".  I know that's a bunch of hooey and I should cut that out.  It's an easy role to slip into.  Self-flagellation is a waste of time  and indulgent (if I am hard on myself then I beat you to it and I win!?!).  Wait...what?  At any rate, it certainly doesn't help me write.  If anything, it makes me want to get back in bed and pull the covers over my head.  Whether I can completely eliminate it or not is still to be determined (it hurts so good, you know).

day 3: moment.
(pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.)

rock climbing.
It scared that sh!t out of me.  I didn't know if I had the physical strength to do it.  I worried that I would make a complete ass of myself.  And then I did it.  I got to the top of the wall and looked down and realized that I am way stronger than I give myself credit for.  I can do anything I set my mind to.  My friends are amazing and there for me (no matter how strange my request is, be it rock climbing or belly dancing).  Most of all, the things that seem enormous when you are face to face with them are really quite small when you step back for a moment.  Even better, from way up high the people who are most important stand out.

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