Tuesday, February 01, 2005

John, here's the bottom the line.

THIS is what I would like for Valentine's DayThis morning I loaded up the cracked toilet tank into the trunk of my car. Actually, loaded would be a kind word. Threw might be more accurate. And as I drove to work, all I could hear from the trunk of my car was CLANK CLANGITY CLANG CLUNK CLICK - Barba Trick. The porcelain lid banging into the porcelain tank. Good times. And as I drove home, all I could from the trunk of my car was...CLANK...you get the picture, right? Not being able to stand it any longer, I stopped at the now very familiar Home Depot to exchange the cracked tank. I loaded it into a cart and unceremoniously shoved it through the doors and up to the returns counter. No help lifting it, no help getting another one. So off I went to the toilet section, where I hoisted another tank off the shelf (which was almost higher than me) and managed to delicately wrestle this new tank to the floor. I ripped open the box and hauled out the tank, inspecting its interior and bottom carefully for cracks. Satisfied that it was fully intact, I placed it back in the box, up into the cart and after encouraging the other customers in the toilet section to fully tear open any potential purchases for full inspection, I went back to the returns counter. There, the returns woman told me I would have to leave the box, to which I said "No, I'm going to be taking that home with me". And off I went. Not ten minutes in my front door, I have taken the new uncracked tank out of the box, and prepared myself to finish what I started.

But wait. It can't be. There is a scratch on the front of the tank...of my $400+ toilet. This is somewhat unsatisfactory. After all I have been through to install this fucking toilet, I will not tolerate anything less than toilet perfection. So, 3 trips to Home Depot already invested, I called Home Depot and asked for John the manager. I told him my tale of woe. He suggested that if it was only a scratch what was the big deal. I suggested that the $400 toilet part was the big deal. And then told him that since I'd already had my time completely wasted with this awful home improvement project mainly due to the sub par inventory in his store I would not waste a second more of his time and I would get to the point. I said "John, here's the bottom the line. This is what I want to see happen. I will leave the tank on my porch tomorrow when I go to work. And I want someone from your store to bring me an uncracked, unscratched tank and when they deliver it, they can take the old one back to the store with them. Because I am a damn good customer, and I spend a significant amount of money at your store". So he took down my address and the SKU # of the shitter, and he said he would get a new one to me tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see if it actually happens...the saga of the toilet continues. Scott and his 27 golf balls are waiting to be put to the test.


  1. You go, girl!

    Love how you don't put up with any of their nonsense. :D

  2. Kat, that story is hot.

  3. Awh, if you can build a dock, you can install a toilet. It is finicky (sp?) work, but not hard. I am the d-i-y-er in our house - Scott hands me drinks every once in a while and makes sure I haven't fallen in.

    Still no toilet...they are going to courier it tomorrow.