Monday, January 31, 2011

you asked for it.

Have you ever asked for someone’s advice and not liked their response?  What do you do with it?  Take it to heart (or too much to heart as it may be)? Write it off as bullshit and move on?  Get mad at them and tell them to go fly a kite (probably not the best thing to do since after all, you did ask for the advice)?  Or maybe you just say nothing and then go ask someone else what they think of said advice and see if they agree (and risk the chance of being mad at two people). 

I recently asked a friend of mine if she had advice on how to break into a very cliquey group of Canadian bloggers.  I was hoping for one of the following responses:
  1. I will introduce you personally and recommend you to them
  2. They may seem like self-important blog snobs but if you email them they will totally open up their post Blissdom loving arms and welcome you into their community
  3. Forget about it, they don’t bother with bloggers with fewer than 5,000 twitter followers
The response I got was not what I expected at all.  It was:

Tighten your writing and get an editor. 

I sat and said nothing (shocking, yes).  What does that even mean?  While I agree that in an ideal world we would all have an editor, when you write as often as I do (and for free) it is not realistic.  Also, I spend a fair bit of time reviewing my posts before I press “publish”, and it is rare for there to be a typo in one of my blogs.  And what the hell? How does that help me break into that group of bloggers?  Even if I went back to school and got a degree in creative writing, that would not help me with this particular endeavor.  Are they going to magically discover me just because I have training they deem deserving of acknowledgement? 

Because I have it in me to be a passive aggressive asshole, I spent last night going over the blogs I “aspire to be affiliated with” (which is becoming less true by the second).  The very first one I checked had a grammatical error in the most recent post.  I called my husband and told him and he suggested they “tighten up their writing”.  

As it turns out, I think I'm okay not being part of this group.  It makes me feel like I'm back in high school which was not much fun then and is not much fun now.  Now excuse me while I go tighten up my writing.


  1. Hey, girlfriend. It may seem cliche, but it is THEIR loss not to be affiliated with YOU. The way you are right now - without having to "tighten up." Your style of writing is the reason I keep coming back again and again. And I think YOU are going places. One of these days those stuck-up, self-important bloggers will be wondering how in the heck they can be in the same league with YOU! Trust me on this one.

  2. wow..F ' I think you are a fabulous writer, not that my opinion matters much ! You come across as sincere, smart, sensitive, and a little cheeky !

  3. I think the best thing to do in these situations is think about outcomes. What outcomes are you looking for when you think of being included in this group of bloggers? Increased traffic? Friendship? Credibility? I'm sure there are other ways for you to get those outcomes without worrying about being included with a particular group of people. You're a good problem solver, I'm sure you'll find alternate solutions! :)

  4. Thanks ladies.

    I think I'm just going to start my own exclusive group - party of 1.

    @Jennifer - they seem to hold the keys to the conference stuff. I'm just going to think bigger.

  5. Anonymous10:52 a.m.

    My thought exactly, Kat! Start your own group. However, I think you might get lonely, so find some others and develop your own category. Jenn - nice thinking.


  6. I've been blogging about autism for, hmmm, a bit over three years now and my follower counts are still low. (Too low, but I won't digress.) I do have a steady group, but there are days I want to grow. Then I remember that I don't want to have to conform. I want to be myself. So, my recommendation to you (and take it for what it's worth) is to be yourself, blog your own way (with or without typos, who cares?) and not worry about that group or any other. For every one you don't fit in with, there are those you will fit in with..if you want to. I have read your blog for a while, since it was recommended to me by someone who met you at BlogHer last year, and while I'm not a member of any groups (yet?) I want you to know I enjoy reading your blog. Have a wonderful day!