Friday, July 31, 2009

Not Tonight Honey.

I learned a song when I was in college called "How Do You Keep the Music Playing". I was 19 and that was 15 full years ago (damn...). I remember thinking that it was a sweet song, and thinking that when I found the person I was meant to spend my life with, none of the things this song spoke of would apply. Because you know, true love conquers all and all that jazz.
I'm often blamed of over-sharing and making it weird, so forgive me if this makes you uncomfortable. But I had great plans for tonight. All week, I thought to myself, it's been a tough slog lately, I was out of town last weekend, toilet training is no fun, and it's time to reconnect with the hubby and remind him why he married me. Fast forward to our week, and we have one very stressed out little boy who as I write this is shrieking his head off in his room because he does not want to go to sleep. You have one super exhausted Fickle Feline downing a very stiff drink because I just spent the last 3.5 hours locked in a bathroom with my 3 year old Autistic son trying to get him to do his business in the potty, and you have one husband reading his book on the back deck in hopes of getting a break from his first born who is screaming blue murder.  Very sexy, I know.  

Having a child with special needs, or who is "heavily involved" as we like to say in the industry of paediatric health care can really, really take its toll on a marriage.  You work so hard to keep it together, to make sure your child is getting everything he needs.  Then there are you other children - are they getting enough of you?  Are they resentful that so much focus is placed on their sibling?  And your spouse... how is he coping in all of this?  And after you've taken care of everyone else, how you doin' mom??  You feeling like putting on something slinky, touching up your makeup and slipping on your f*ck me shoes?  Right.  Me too.  

It's work.  It's work I want to do.  I'm lucky that I'm married to my best friend.  I love him and I respect him and I find him very interesting and sexy.  And when I have my child's poop running down my arm and I'm holding his wailing body tight to me, sh!t and all, I have to remember that it's me this time, but last time it was Scott.  He is my partner in this.  He is one of the strongest men I know.  He laughs with me on the hard days.  Takes shifts with me on the nights when our kids tag team us, and happily orders take out when he sees that I have nothing left.  And if I say "Not tonight honey" he understands and just tries again tomorrow.


  1. Anonymous11:35 p.m.

    Nice post, sweetie. You are a good duo.

  2. That is great to hear. Personally I'm in a tough place in my marriage that mostly stems from sex and it's so hard to get out of it. So keep it up! Wait, that sounded dirty. You know what I mean. Keep making the effort. Maybe that stiff drink will energize you enough to get those heels on after all. Maybe skip the makeup though. It's all about compromises, right?

  3. Having an understanding and equal partner in this journey must make all the difference.