Friday, July 17, 2009

A Farewell to Boobs.

My boobs, they are pretty incredible. And by that, I don't mean that they are spectacular in appearance (though by the constant ogling they receive, I would hazard a guess that they aren't half bad). What I do mean, is that they have done right by me, and my kids (and likely my husband). The past 4 years have not been kind to them. They went from being swollen and tender when I was preggo with Max, to getting completely abused for an entire year of breastfeeding. I weaned Max and was pregnant again within a few months so back to being swollen and tender - followed by another 14 months of breastfeeding with Cameron. And they did it - with very few complaints I might add. But as I wound down breastfeeding Cameron over the past month, I started to get very, very concerned. What had four years of hard work done to my girls? I have heard horror stories from other women about how when they weaned their last baby, their breasts all but disappeared, a mere shadow of their former perky selves. Would I be saving pennies in a pickle jar to hoist the sisters back up?
Cameron has been fully weaned for 2 weeks now.  Every day I give the girls a squeeze, check them out from different angles and assess the collateral damage.  I have even inquired with Scott as to whether or not he thinks they still look good.  Of course, he is not stupid and has said comforting things like "of course babe, they are wonderful" and "they are still more than a handful".  They are definitely different than they were before I got pregnant, but I think they have weathered the storm and come out the other side as beautiful as ever.  Resilient, that they are.  And in my opinion, they still qualify as bodacious ta-tas, even if they don't overflowith from my top anymore.  And girls, not to worry, you are officially off duty.  No more babies and no more breastfeeding.  The bakery is closed. 


  1. Anonymous9:55 p.m.

    This was such a great post! Hilarious and sad all at the same time. You're such a terrific and honest writer.


  2. Awh - thanks Rosie. My muse left me for a few weeks there, but somehow writing about my boobs inspired me ;-) Glad you liked it!

  3. I have four words for you: rocks in a sock.

    (Or at least thats what happened to me, however things seem to have changed slightly this year, but former glory has never been achieved).

  4. Anonymous9:45 a.m.

    You should try to make them big again. Google for medicines called Galactagogues. Also try going on the pill or adding more estrogen into your system. You don't really want them to shrivel up and shrink away.

  5. Anonymous10:48 a.m.

    What! No way. The Feline's now merely LARGE titays have been and always will be absolutely glorious. They should be allowed to retire gracefully without any further harassment.


  6. I swear that after a year or two without breasfeeding some level of perkiness will return. I know I've said this before and no one seems to believe me! Mind you, I have yet to discover what happens after breastfeeding two babies so I could be in for a surprise. And I myself am not much more than a handful - ha! But just in case you ever feel the need to "re-hoist" the gals, feel free to join me at the plastic surgeons office when I get my belly "redesigned" ;)

  7. Oh - I want a little redesigning of the belly as they have 2 for one deals? Go under, get the boobs and the belly done in one shot?