Friday, April 29, 2005

30 is the new 20 - Part Deux.

One day left and counting...actually, more like hours left and sobbing. Meh. Scott had great words of encouragement for me last night - "I'm not going to lie to you hon, turning 30 sucks". Wow. Thanks for that. I decided to do a little case study on my friend Lulu to prove my "30 is the new 20" rule.

Lulu - 30 in 2006:
  • still dresses skanky and goes out dancing
  • looks like a child prostitute in this picture
  • has a hot 23 year old boyfriend (half your age plus 7 rule!)
  • is in her 1st long-term relationship with said boyfriend
  • does not know how to drive
  • is fixated on the idea of cockpunching
  • loves Jennifer Lopez and is jealous of her booty
  • has a flat dumper
  • drinks her coffee through a cocktail straw
  • has a condo in downtown Toronto
  • steals her wireless internet from her dumb neighbour
  • has an Ipod mini with a pink sleeve that her boyfriend gave her for Christmas
  • is going to travel the world when she grows up
  • is going to work abroad when she grows up
  • thinks that Clemintine and Delilah are good names for girls
  • wears stiletto heals to work and tells people they are "comfy"
  • owns no less than 4 pairs of red running shoes
  • knows what the best bottle of wine that you can buy for under $7 is
  • is going to drink gin and juice at my 30th birthday party

Time to start getting ready for my part-ay tomorrow. Should be a good time - and Stephanie and Shane might even bring Charlotte!!!

18 comments:

  1. MY OH MY, CAPS REALLY DO WORK. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR GETTING YOUR BRA'S IN AN UPROAR OVER A CRAZY, INSANE PERSON LIKE MYSELF. GEE, YOU ALL HAD SUCH NICE THINGS TO SAY AND LAUNCHED PERSONAL ATTACKS -- NOW THAT'S A PROFOUND REBUTTLE. IN THE END, IT IS CONTENT AND SUBTANCE THAT MATTER, IT APPEARS TO BE A QUALITY YOU ALL LACK. FOR THE RECORD, IF YOU MISSED MY SARCASM KAT I'M SORRY BUT THE COMMENT ABOUT YOUR "HUSBAND" -- NEWS FLASH -- A JOKE! HA HA, BTW IF OOOOOOHHHH CANNNNAAAADA WAS EVER ATTACKED OR NEEDED HELP THE 1ST PHONE CALL WOULD BE TO THE UNITED STATES. IT HURTS DOESN'T IT! afterall, throwing stones is much easier than actually thinking up an intellegent response. god bless you all ESPICALLY THAT HOT KAT (GIRL WHO NEEDS TO SAY IT FOR SELF REAFFIRMATION) SHE'S HOT. NOW, THAT'S HOT!

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  2. You know what quality you lack? The ability to spell. How effective could your lame ass argument be when us Canadians are sitting here trying to decipher it?

    Look, I realize that perhaps the Zoloft or other anti-depressants to eat are affecting the chemical balance in your brain, but it doesn't give you the excuse to sit on your computer and start desparate internet beefs. Leave that shit to Trekkies and other message board freaks.

    Once more question... How old are you? Judging by the grammar, lack of correct punctuation, and excessive use of CAPS, I'm thinking you must be 11. Am I right? You must be 11, severely mentally delayed or suffer from Tourette's syndrome. That would at the very least explain all the yelling you are doing with the caps. Shit, who knew the American education system was a flaming bag of feces waiting to be stomped on...

    I know I am just as bad sitting here thinking of bon mots to decimate you with, but I can't help it. In the end, it's like talking to a dog, you know they can hear you, but they just don't understand.

    Here's another idea to try... how about you get a personality transplant, dream up some other cheap arguments, and attempt to attack this comment section again.

    And why do you choose to attack just Kat? I'm an excellent target too, you sorry piece of anemic fecal matter!

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  3. Hey Kat...

    You know I got your back for any type of internet beef. I never practiced those "Yo mama" jokes in school for nothing. hahahahahha

    Your friend has the right ideas. I want to drink gin and juice too. You know, they actually have a prepared gin and juice mixture at the LCBO? Word to big bird, man!

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  4. Anonymous9:59 PM

    Tom - just put your wang away and grow up.

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  5. Since our friend Tom keeps returning, it leads me to believe that he is truly a fan, for which I am flattered. Thanks for that attention Tom - you are the best (did you catch that sarcasm?).

    starfoxx - thanks for having my back. I think Lulu has a Russion gin in mind, and as for the juice, we're going Snoop/Warren G style - strawberry koolaid all the way!

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  6. LISTEN LADIES, I WILL GIVE YOU THIS -- MY SPELLING MAY BE BAD -- BUT I AM JUST HAVING SOME FUN -- HERE IS AN OFFER: I HAVE A LITTLE RADIO SHOW. I WILL OFFER TO HEAR FROM ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO COME ON AND VOICE THEIR OPINIION. AFTER NOTHING LIKE FUN PARTY GIRLS TO GET THINGS STARTED. I WOULD PREFER KAT. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THAT GREAT VOICE LIVE. AFTERALL IT WAS HER AWSOME COMMENTARY THAT ATTRACTED ME TO THE HOTTEST BLOG IN THE WORLD AND YES I AM A FAN! HA HA -- BTW – BAD SPELLING IS NOT AN AMERICAN THING – THAT DAMN COMPUTER HAS MADE US ALL LAZY AT SOMEPOINT OR ANOTHER. ; ) LOVE YA LADIES AND STAY WELL!

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  7. See - I told you guys - he likes us, he really really likes us :-)

    Happy Birthday to ME!

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  8. Happy birthday, Kat! Hope you have a good one. :)

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  9. Hope you rock it out on your birthday, Kat.

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  10. Anonymous1:27 PM

    Hey KC, Happy Birthday to you! Hope you and Scotty have a great one! Huge HB from Costa Rica.
    Hey Tom, I'm going to bitch-slap your ass one day. Trust me on this. I've made good on this promise before to Internet 'ball-squeezers' like you. Shit...I almost even WANT to do this for no other reason than to just do it. Nice hair, fuck teeth.

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  11. Yeah I'll come on your radio show, guy. I don't know what you're talking about (in regards to party girls) but I'll rip you a new one.
    Don't mess with the legit journalist. Holla.

    Kat-ress, happy big ass birthday, guy. Have fun at the birthday celebration. What, was it only for 30 and up? What about me, guy? Don't hate on the (soon-to-be) 24 year old!!!

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  12. WORD. I see that you are trying to make nicey nicey with the females on this blog, but you are far too late to make amends. Just slink back into the dank dark recesses of America from which you came and we'll call it even.

    Come on your radio show? Who do you think you are, Rush Limbaugh?

    P.S. Love yah Kat. Red Koolaid be the best to drink...especially the one that changes colours. hahahahha

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  13. solitaire -- u are more than welcome to come on the show. i will email Kat and we can set it up! Thanks for accepting the invite and look forward to it. Life is too short and taking it too seriously can do damage. I also welcome physical violence made public-- afterall if i end up being randomly attacked i know that the fine person on here who would like to bitch - slap me. Ladies as I said I was just having some fun no need for threats. I like my hair too! Thanks!

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  14. Did I miss something? Who the hell is this guy and what crawled up his ass? *shrug*

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  15. Just now starting to recover from our insanely fabulous party. Will blog later when I have the pics online.

    Soli - I didn't think you would make it all the way out to O-town, else I would have invited you - my bad.

    VW - I think Tom is trying to expand his audience by stirring up shit on other people's blogs, pay him no mind. If he and Soli want to chat, I leave it to her to email him directly as I am not about to coordinate it.

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  16. I, in a less than mature moment, had originally thought about stirring up shit to get traffic too - but come on. Who really does that. Tom, that's who.

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  17. Of COURSE I would have come, guy. You came all the way downtown for mine, much appreciated, so why wouldn't I have done the same for you?
    Oh well, whatev. What was I going to do anyway when errybody was drunk? Sit around and watch y'all?

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  18. ^^ yes. it's funny to watch drunk people when you are sober. you become their memory when they pass out.

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