Tuesday, April 26, 2005

A True American Idol.

Is it just me, or does she look like she has giraffe legs?
Just wanted to remind everyone what an American Idol looks like (in case you forgot or have been brainwashed into thinking that one of the remaining six is even qualified to photocopy Mariah's sheet music). I'm not saying that I really dig Mariah Carey's music, but I do appreciate her talent (there may even be copies of her first 2 cds floating around somewhere in my music collection). I think Mariah's biggest mistake was leaving adult contemporary music for urban music. She needs to put some pants on and make like Celine Dion. That, my friends, is when she will start selling records again. And don't tell me she sold more records in her first week with this new album than any of her other records. That's nice and all, but it won't last. I'm not going to bother reviewing this album because Solitaire already did, so check it out on her old site.

Jennifer called tonight during American Idol. I didn't pick up because I was trying to stop bleeding out my ears - have you tried to get blood out of carpet? I'm not sure what happened tonight, but the only person who sang in tune was Bo Bice. You can hate on Simon all you want, but he is the only judge who consistently hears what the television viewing audience hears, vs. what the studio audience is swept away with. Trust me, I have 2 degrees in music, I know what I am saying. So, after calling Jennifer back, we conferred on the following - to recap:

Carrie Underwood - pitchy, but cute and we all know she can sing the shit out of country. I think she was sick tonight (did you hear her sympathy coughs after she sang?).

Bo Bice
- likely the best performance of the night - at least the most in tune. I wish he would put down the mic stand though.

Vonzell Solomon - pitchy, but you gotta love this girl. She knows karate and she sings hard songs well. Also, she is damn cute.

Anthony Fedorov - so, cheesey, must, get a, glass, of water, to dissolve the Cheese Whiz, blocking my airway.

Constantine Maroulis - I hate Nickleback SO MUCH - and you didn't even sing it in tune! For that, you must be punished, though I doubt it will happen. I too have had love for a Greek man, so I understand the spell that the women of America are under. Warning - if you make that kicking motion at the camera one more time, I will reach through my television set and punch you in the cock.

Scott Savol - dude - you tried to sing Luther Vandross - you got no right - if America has any sense, they will send your woman beating ass home tomorrow.

And for all of you still searching the holy grail of Jeff Prasertlum, I thought I would let you know that...well...Brad Pitt is getting jiggy with Angelina Jolie. I'm thinking that Jen, even though she is a Godmother to little Coco, is not interested in procreating (at least not with Brad). We should probably thank her for that, as we would likely be blinded by the beauty of any baby they created together. So, if he wants kids, who better to hook up with than Angelina Jolie? Just add water and stir, instant family and a hott woman to boot.


  1. mariah needs to stop hiding from her black ancestry and embrace that shit. word.

    also, she will never go back to that celine dion bullshit because it was foisted upon by her svengali, tommy mottola. anything to do with her past and that guy, she will resent and deliberately avoid.

    she doesnt care about the album sales, since the girl sold more albums than any other female in music history. right now, urban is hot, and she is playing it out for all she's worth. but to your comment, home slice used to have urban remixes to all her singles back when she did the "daydream" album.

  2. I thought the picture was of Beyonce until you started talking about Mariah.

    Bo was definitely best last night, but I keep expecting him to smack himself in the head. What's wrong with taking the mic *off* the stand? I think he's especially proud of his move where he only holds the stand and *not* the mic.

  3. Jaime's right. That picture of Mariah does look like Beyonce at first glance.

    In terms of American Idol, I have to agree with you on the point about Simon. He almost always hears what we hear at home. Ex: Vonzell is one of my faves, but he was exactly right when he said the first part of her song was flat.

    I'll sleep better tonight if either Constantine or Anthony goes home.

    On that note, I saw a commercial for some shocking AI special, called "Fallen Idol", that's going to be on ABC on May 4th. I'm guessing they're going to talk to Mario Vasquez and find out things about the contract. Whatever it is, they're promising you'll never watch Idol the same way again.

  4. JLo/Mariah/Beyonce are actually all the same person. I have pictures to prove it ;-)

    The Fallen Idol thing is that Corey dude who got kicked off in the first season because he had been arrested for beating up his sister. He is claiming that he and Paula Abdul had an affair...which, of course, she denies.

  5. ha ha @ put some pants on ...bwah ha ha ha! And you know I'm laughin' cause IT'S TRUE! Somebody tell her ya supposed ta wear pants or a skirt or even batti rydah shawts with a tunic! DAYUM!!

    Starfoxx is right. Old Mariah was actually "I tell you what to do, bitch" Tommy Mottola days. "Tommy Mottola, two years agoooo"...oh, that was a lil' Ghostface Killah for ya.

    I don't think she'll do the pop thing ever again. Plus, Tommy has another young thing knocking upside the head named Thalia. He tried to groom her into a pop sensation like Mariah BUT he forgot...there's only one M. Carey.

    And she needs to stop with the blonde hair shiznit and realize she's a curly haired brunette. She's the whitest biracial person I'VE EVER SEEN.

  6. Kat, you always have the insider info:

    "The Fallen Idol thing is that Corey dude who got kicked off in the first season because he had been arrested for beating up his sister. He is claiming that he and Paula Abdul had an affair...which, of course, she denies."

    I guess three years later, he needs some money. I thought it was the more recent news with Mario. But since it's not, what a joke... who really cares what happened between him and Paula? Who even cares about him in the first place? ABC needs to get some better program directors...

  7. ABC needs to air more Disney movies and leave the exposes to the geriatrics on 60 minutes.