Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Like Me, I Really Like Me.

I turn 34 tomorrow. That officially lands me in my mid thirties. While "30" is the new "20", the verdict is still out on what 34 is...maybe it's the new "24"? Perhaps it comes with a bottle of wine delivered by Jack Bauer himself (hey, I can dream). I was pondering this coming birthday (which I now share with my daughter Cameron), and I came to the realization that for the first time in my life, I am comfortable in my own skin. I feel confident, strong, smart, sexy, beautiful, and I really like myself as a person. I am not afraid to say "no", and I am not afraid to hear "no" either. This is extremely empowering, and has helped me prioritize my needs and my family's needs without feeling guilty. It has also turned me into one hell of a negotiator.

When I look back at earlier phases of my life, I wish I could have felt the confidence I have now, but back then. I wish I would have felt better about myself and seen how pretty I was instead of being crippled by insecurity. I wish I would have gotten over heartbreak faster and been able to see the bigger picture instead of navel gazing. I wish I never would have cut my hair short and dyed it red. But I suppose being that girl, with all of her struggles and sadness, is part of what has made me into the woman I am now. I imagine it was hard for my own mom to watch me fall down, again and again, making the same mistakes, not seeing how much I had going for me. What I have learned for sure is that we all have to fall and make our own mistakes, nobody can do it for us. This is the only way we truly grow and learn.

I am not afraid to call it like I see it.
I am okay with people not liking me.

I know who loves me.
I know who my friends are.
I know I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that.
I know I'm a good person, flaws and all.

I can install toilets, ceiling fans, taps, electrical outlets and lighting fixtures, by my own damn self.
I can also make quilts (I just don't have time).

I have a wonderful singing voice.
I have beautiful green eyes.

I ask for a lot because I give a lot.
I am not afraid to tell the universe what I want.

I love my children with the ferociousness of a mother bear.
I love my husband more today than the day we got married.
I love my curves.
I love myself.

12 comments:

  1. I like you too! Happy birthday!

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  2. Jenn White Topliff12:32 AM

    Yah, I agree with the person above - I haven't seen you in twenty years, but you are a f*ing fantastic writer and you inspire me to want to make the same sort of list about myself as you just did.

    Katrina - happy birthday. I hope this is a sensational personal new year for you.

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  3. Anonymous1:02 AM

    and you are just perfect. Happy Birthday, kb and bb.

    love,
    mb

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  4. Anonymous1:16 AM

    Many Happy Returns Kat! I agree with your friend Jenn, you ARE a fantastic writer. I find myself logging in now to read your daily blog before checking my own mail (that's a compliment). Perhaps a career change in your 34th year? Official Mother Warrior/Author/Blogger/Singer/Yummy Mommy :)?
    Enjoy your special day with those nearest & dearest to you. If I don't run into you at the park this weekend with the kidlets, all the best upon your return to work on Monday.
    Here's raising a glass in honor of your special day (ok, it's oj ...but it's the thought, you Hon can raise a glass of whatever tickles your fancy, hell, raise two if you like, afterall it's YOUR day!ENJOY!!
    xTag

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  5. Anonymous1:19 AM

    Opps, sorry almost forgot...Happy 1st to Princess Cam! Hard to believe where the year has gone.
    xTag

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  6. Yay, happy birthday! So are you saying older really CAN mean wiser?

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  7. Roxanne2:39 PM

    Happy Birthday, Kat! I really loved this post - it inspired me to make a list of my own like this. Beautiful writing.:-)

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  8. Anonymous6:51 PM

    What a beautiful post! And now I'm feeling bad we didn't sing "Happy Birthday" in the session today, which we were going to do in honour of Max' recent milestone but ran out of time. Have a wonderful year full of life, love and celebration.

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  9. Vanessa8:58 PM

    Well I can't say much that hasn't already been said. Wonderful post! You really are a great writer, and a great person.

    Happy birthday to you & Cam!

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  10. Happy Birthday!
    I LOVE this post.

    Happy Birthday to Cam too!!!

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