Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Is this because I'm a lesbian?

BUH-BYE SERENA!!
Goodbye Elisabeth Röhm. Don't let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya. I have been waiting for you to leave L&O since your terrible-no-skillz-couldn't-act-yer-way-out-of-a-paper-bag-(German)-skinny-ass first appeared on my favourite show. While I was kind of hoping you would get shot in the face, I suppose a good ol' natured "You are fired" will also suffice. I have yelled many nasty things at you via my television set. And this whole time, you were a lesbian. Had I known, I would have been much nicer to you. That is a lie. And you know what? Clearly, Dick Wolf didn't even like you, because he couldn't even be bothered to spell your name right on the nbc.com website. He didn't use the "oomlaut" [sp] over your "o". See, I am legit (actually, Scott sorted it out for me...). And for Adrianne (ever fond of "dick" jokes) - you know what they say about Dick Wolf...

Also, what's with the "Is this because I'm a lesbian" dialogue? We made it 3.5 seasons without needing to know that little tidbit about you. Talk about some useless scripting. Not only did Dick not like you, the writers must have HATED you!

I already like you better than Serena!

Anyway, let's welcome to the new, improved (couldn't be worse) Assistant District Attorney "Dunnow Whathernameisyet". You couldn't possibly be hated more than your predecessor, or as hott as Claire (who, for the record, was not a lesbian...she was f'n her boss, Jack, and she died). If you can look half as pissy as Abbie I will really like you. And Elisabeth, good luck with your "movie career". Check in with Angie Harmon-SeaHORN to see how that's workin' out for her. If she can't do it, you certainly won't either. And for goodness sake, go eat a sandwhich. You and Jennifer Aniston both.

9 comments:

  1. Scott is about to be mean....

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  2. Anonymous11:38 PM

    "Check in with Angie Harmon-Seacrest to see how that's workin' out for her."

    Seacrest? You mean Sehorn. Unless Angie divorced her NFL stud husband and re-married to the douchebag from American Idol.

    Seacrest OUT!

    Scott

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  3. Angie's husband is HOTT for a white doode.

    What, the Elisabeth Rohm chick was a lesbian in the SHOW, or in real life?

    Angie Harmon was the BEST in the whole damn show. Then they got blonde chick. I stopped watchin'. But I still love me Black-dude-that-was-on-Ally-MacBeal. He's fine, baby!

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  4. Fuck, I HATED THAT CHICK. I'm so glad she's gone. I never see the new episodes but now my re-run watching will be so much better. No one can ever replace Claire.

    -Adrianne

    PS - thanks for the Dick jokes. I do like them. And poo jokes. And fart jokes...

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  5. One more thing, regarding your Scott's "SEACREST OUT!" comment. JACKSON YELLS THAT ALL THE TIME. We don't even WATCH that show. And he thinks it's soooo funny. I drives me fucking crazy. Maybe it's a guy thing...

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  6. Anonymous3:53 PM

    soli: The character was a lesbian, but the audience doesn't know this until her very last line. The DA says, "You're fired" and then Serena says, "Is this because I'm a lesbian?" The DA says "No" and then Serena says "Good". Then the DA says, "I'm glad." and then Serena says "I'm glad you're glad!" and then they have a pillow fight. OK, I lied about everthing after "Good" but that's how I would have written it.

    Anyway, the lesbian angle came completely out of nowhere and had no apparent purpose other than to make viewers say, "Huh?" I would have been less surprised if she had said, "Is this because I like to shoot heroin in the courtroom?"

    Scott

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  7. Thanks Scott. Your $1000 cheque is in the mail.
    I wasn't understanding a damn thing. Ha ha she's fired, ha ha SUCKAAAA

    How did Angie Harmon leave? I didn't watch her last show.

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  8. Kat! Look at what I found for you!!!
    Jill Scott comes to TorontoI didn't want to post that originally. I heard something on 680 news about Jon Stewart coming to Toronto... Massey Hall...or was I hearing things?

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  9. Soli - I plan to buy Scott and I tix to the Jill Scott concert bright and early on Saturday. I hadn't heard about Jon Stewart, but you are the second person to mention it to me, so I'll have to look into it. I'm surprised he didn't mention it to me! ;-)

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